NFL Week Two Picks

Last week was a disaster in terms of picks, proving once again that expert opinion is as useless as preseason games in determining the success of a team once the real games start. I am thankful, however, that the NFL season has started in time to help distract me from the fact that the Cardinals can't beat the Cubs and may not clinch the division in Chicago at all this weekend. LaRussa better hope his pitchers can throw playoff shutouts, or else St. Louis area golf courses will be filled with baseball players taking an early leave of the postseason. Thankfully, I don't have to watch baseball on Sunday afternoons. So here's what to watch in NFL Week Two tomorrow:

EARLY GAMES
Detroit at Chicago
Detroit won impressively over Green Bay at home last week, while Chicago's defense couldn't overcome their offensive impotence. I like Lovie's Bears to win their home opener in a low-scoring defensive game. Bears 13, Lions 6

Minnesota at Cincinnati
The Vikings are a popular pick in this game, with people saying they'll play with more intensity, not make as many mistakes, Culpepper'll play better, etc. Don't believe the hype. The Bengals whomped the Browns last week, they're playing their home opener, and the Vikings stink, stink, STINK outdoors on the road. This one's not even going to be close. Bengals 31, Vikings 17

Baltimore at Tennessee
The Ravens have too much defense for the Titans to overcome. They held Peyton Manning to one lousy field goal drive in the entire first half against the Colts last week. Just think what they'll do to senior citizen Steve McNair. Ravens 17, Titans 9

Jacksonville at Indianapolis
Colts home opener? Manning & Co. on the Indy speed turf? No. 2 of the 16 needed for home field advantage. Colts 42, Jaguars 20

San Francisco at Philadelphia
Thus endeth the Niners winning streak. Eagles 27, 49ers 16

Buffalo at Tampa Bay
I guess this is where we find out which of these two teams are for real. As for me, I have no idea. Both of these teams beat bad teams last week, so it's hard to determine what's what. All things being equal, I guess I'll give the edge to Tampa's defense playing at home. Buccaneers 21, Bills 17

New England at Carolina
Superbowl rematch? Hardly. Belichek won't fall into the trap of not expecting Carolina to be motivated to play the champs and to not fall into an 0-2 hole. But Jake Delhomme's carriage appears to have turned back into a pumpkin. They're not going to score on the Pats' defense today. Patriots 24, Panthers 10

Pittsburgh at Houston
Tuck is all-knowing. Tuck is the foundation of all wisdom. Tuck says Pittsburgh will crush Houston. Tuck knows all, sees all, foretells all. Tuck is wise and good. (Okay, crow sufficiently eaten now?) Steelers 31, Texans 13

LATE GAMES
St. Louis at Arizona
So which team will regroup? As I said earlier in the week, Martz doesn't game plan. Assuming that Denny Green will, and that Warner should be motivated to have his best game in years, I'm going with the Deadbirds over the Lambs in the desert. Cardinals 34, Rams 20

Atlanta at Seattle
After Monday's game, I think you have to put Atlanta at the top of the NFC power rankings. I don't think Seattle has much chance of stopping Vick's offense. Falcons 38, Seahawks 14

San Diego at Denver
Denver stinks. Chargers 24, Broncos 14

Cleveland at Green Bay
Brett Favre is going to have to win this game by himself. Since it's Cleveland, he can probably pull it off. Packers 20, Browns 10

Miami at New York Jets
Was the Miami offensive powerhouse the real thing? Was the total ineptitude of the Jets on both sides of the ball a mistake or an indication of things to come? My feeling is that Miami's offense was an indication of Denver's shortcomings, while the Jets were ambushed by a Kansas City team that will be better than most people expected. Herm Edwards will have his team—and his quarterback—ready to play this week. Jets 24, Dolphins 21

SUNDAY NIGHT
Kansas City at Oakland
One of the best rivalries in pro sports takes on a new twist with Randy Moss in the mix. Moss will have the Black Hole fans worked up into their characteristic sociopathic froth, but the KC running game is going to rule the day. Look for KC to double- and triple-team Moss to prevent big plays. Lacking that, Oakland doesn't have much more to offer. Chiefs 31, Raiders 21

MONDAY NIGHT DOUBLEHEADER
New Orleans at New York Giants
I know the NFL wants me to think that the Saints are the home team, but since they're playing the freaking game at the Meadowlands, the home of the Giants since Reagan was president, I'm not buying it. I'm also not thinking that the Saints can match the emotional intensity of beating a division rival last week. Giants 30, Saints 14

Washington at Dallas
These are the types of games that Bill Parcells lives for, and it's clear that he wants to win another championship, while Joe Gibbs looks like he only wants to win a NASCAR Nextel Cup. It's all about priorities. Cowboys 35, Redskins 13

Last Week's Record: 8-8

NFL Week One Wrapup

What's all that smoking wreckage crumpled in the ditch on the side of the road? It's the remains of the Carolina, NY Jets, Minnesota, Arizona, St. Louis, San Diego and Baltimore bandwagons. Who left all those skidmarks as they raced away? Kansas City, Pittsburgh and Dallas. Who's that guy on the side of the road with egg on his face eating a humble pie with crow filling?

Uhh, that would be yours truly, The Sandman.

I was absolutely bamboozled by the first week of the 2005 NFL season. I only racked up a dismal seven correct picks this weekend (Monday night game hasn't started yet; I picked Philly, but at this point, who the heck knows?), but I'm sure I'm not alone. My plan is to offer weekend picks on Friday with a Monday evening post-mortem. Here's the bitter results from Sunday...

SF 28, STL 25
I finally figured out what's wrong with Mike Martz. He doesn't game plan. Not one bit. I don't know if he's incapable of game planning, or just too stubborn to do it, but he doesn't do one darn thing to prepare for another team. The Rams were completely baffled by the Niners defense and their offensive line had bigger holes than the hull of the Titanic. They couldn't stop Tim Rattay's (!) passing game, and their special teams were even more atrocious than last year. A couple of minutes of game film from Mike Nolan's defense in Baltimore would have given any other head coach a clue, but Martz is so in love with his own abilities, he thinks his plan is superior to any other, regardless of preparation. Game planning is the key to Bill Belichek's success, it's why the Pats are the dynasty of the 2000's instead of the Rams, and it's the reason why Georgia and Stan should put Jeff Fisher's cell phone on speed dial. Over-under on Martz's firing: nine games.

TB 24, MIN 13
The Vikings' offense was supposed to be just as good without Randy Moss. It was much worse. Culpepper looked hideous, his worst performance by far as a pro quarterback. The Vikings' defense was supposed to be much improved. It wasn't. It was much worse. They let a previously impotent Tampa offense run and pass virtually at will. Mike Tice was supposed to show he could make a championship push as a coach. He can't. He ought to start checking the want-ads for high school assistant coach positions, because his days in the NFL are numbered (if God is merciful). The Vikings were supposed to be Superbowl contenders. They aren't. Some things never change.

NYG 42, ARZ 19
Speaking of things that don't change, there are the Cardinals. Going into the season, this is the line that many, myself included, bought into: Dennis Green, experience, savvy head coach; Kurt Warner, former league and Superbowl MVP; young receivers filled with talent; exciting running back in Marcel Shipp; improved defense ready to compete for a division championship. Here's the reality: These are the Arizona Cardinals, owned by Bill Bidwell, the worst franchise in the NFL. Does anyone knows what grows in the desert? That's right: nothing at all. This is the team where careers go to die, forever. Ugh! On the bright side, they'll probably beat the Rams next week.

NYJ 7, KC 27
The only reason this game wasn't 42-0 was because Herman Edwards is an old friend of Dick Vermeil. A less merciful coach could have run the score way up on the hapless Jets defense. Dick should teach his old offensive coordinator in St. Louis a little thing about game planning. They stopped the run, neutralizing Curtis Martin, which put the game in the hands of Chad Butterfingers—I mean Pennington—who folded up faster than the Bush administration's latest round of excuses under constant pressure from the KC defense. This offense looks like an absolute juggernaut at this point; we'll see if the defense is just good enough to get them through the playoffs.

NO 23, CAR 20
I drank the Carolina Kool-Aid against my better judgment; I figured since so many others had them going deep in the NFC, there must be something there. Nah. Good for New Orleans, the team without a city. Let's just call them America's Team this year, okay? The American Saints. Let's see if they can keep the emotional intensity next week against the Giants; it's a total rip-off that the Giants get to play at home when they should have been on the road; a neutral field would be more appropriate.

TEN 7, PIT 34
Yeah, I take back everything I said last time about Pittsburgh. They're gonna win the Superbowl.

DAL 28, SD 24
So, which one sold his soul to the devil, Parcells, Bledsoe or both?

IND 24, BAL 7
One down, 15 to go. Peyton, it's not about TD passes or yardage or even an MVP, it's about home field advantage in the playoffs. It's everything, absolutely everything.

All the others: A good start for Buffalo; a promising (and convincing) start for Cincinnati (though I'm still not convinced—it was Cleveland, after all); a frustrating loss for Lovie Smith (you should have signed Kurt Warner!) as the Bears coughed up a great defensive game on the road due to a total lack of offensive skill; Seattle loses on the road, as usual (is there a more overrated coach than Mike Holmgren?); Miami shocks the entire league as Gus Frerotte jumps on the "sold my soul" bandwagon; and finally, someone needs to tell Brett Favre that it's not too late to retire—he's really not going to want his last year in the league to be this bad, because it's gonna be.

AFC Preview

I’ll have to pull this all off in one day, now, since the season starts tomorrow. It’s not too late to join The Sandlot’s Pigskin Pick’em league—check the earlier post for details on how to join.

AFC East
1. New England Patriots—Best coach, best QB, defending champs...until someone beats these guys, I’m not gonna pick against them.

2. New York Jets—I think they’re ready to take the next step this year; unfortunately for them, the best they can hope for is a wild card berth because of the guys living in the penthouse suit above them.

3. Buffalo Bills—I’ve got a good feeling about their team, but I don’t really know what to expect from second-year QB J.P. Losman, so I can’t say “playoffs” yet with this bunch.

4. Miami Dolphins—Nick Saban’s gonna have this team back in the playoff hunt...in 2007. For now, they still stink, but I also think they’ll play spoiler late in the year.

AFC South
1. Indianapolis Colts—Repeat after me: “We must secure home field advantage.” Nothing else matters for this team.

2. Houston Texans—This is who I think will be the “come out of nowhere” team in the NFL this year, similar to the Rams in 1999. They’ve got an exciting young quarterback, a solid coach in Dom Capers and a potentially great defense. If they turn out to be a big surprise this year, it won’t surprise me.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars—They surprised a lot of teams last year and looked they would make a run in January, but fell just short. Many expect they will take it to the next level. I expect that teams will start game planning for Byron Leftwich, and he’ll take a couple of steps backward.

4. Tennessee Titans—I like Steve McNair, and I love Jeff Fisher so much that I hope the Rams hire him to replace Mike Martz after this far-too-old team finishes last in their division. Time to rebuild!

AFC North
1. Baltimore Ravens—I don’t like Kyle Boller, but you don’t have to be a great QB to succeed in Brian Billick’s system (see Superbowl winning QB Trent Dilfer for references); the Ravens’ vicious defense will be enough to win the North.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers—With both running backs hurt and Ben Roethisberger poised to experience a sophomore slump, I can’t expect the Steelers to repeat another title run. (And now, Tuck will attempt to light my hair on fire...)

3. Cincinnati Bengals—Put down the Kool-Aid, step away from the Marvin Lewis bandwagon, and look closely at the tiger stripes on the helmet. We okay now? Good.

4. Cleveland Browns—Don’t believe all the Carson Palmer hype. Romeo Crennel needs at least two years to remake this defense. Like Saban in Miami, he won’t be a factor until 2007.

AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers—The best running back in the NFL, another surprisingly good campaign from Drew Brees, and the worst playoff coach in the history of league will still find a way to cough up the season. Do you think Bernie Kosar sends Schottenheimer a box of dead flowers every year before the AFC Championship?

2. Denver Broncos—Just because their home field advantage is good for six or seven games, plus two or three on the road, which should be good for second place.

3. Kansas City Chiefs—Defense? What’s a defense? We’re supposed to play defense? How does that work?

4. Oakland Raiders—Does anyone look more clueless on the sidelines than Norv Turner? He looks like my 10th grade civics teacher when you’d ask him a tough question—completely dumbfounded. And what’s all this talk about Randy Moss making such a big difference? Tell me, how many rings did he win in Minnesota? That’s what I thought.

Playoff teams:
New England
Indianapolis
Baltimore
San Diego

Wildcards:
New York Jets
Houston

You probably noticed I didn't pick playoff winners or Superbowl teams in either conference. That's because getting it right is like winning the lottery. I'll make those picks before the playoffs start, and we'll see if I picked the participants correctly. Hey, it's my blog, it's my rules!

NFC Preview, Part Two

Hey Sandlot readers, don't forget to join our "Pigskin Pick-em" league at espn.com. Click on the link listed under "Recent Posts" for details on how to join. So without further delay, here's the rest of the NFC team predictions...

NFC North
1. Minnesota Vikings—Of course I'm going to pick the Vikings to win the division; I ALWAYS pick the Vikings to win the division. What's different this year? Well, they'll actually win it. With an improved defense and no more Randy Moss distractions, look for Daunte Culpepper to have a career year. If they can secure home field advantage throughout the playoffs, we'll probably have a rematch of the 1998 NFC Championship and one more chance at redemption (God, please!).

2. Green Bay Packers—but only because Favre's the Man. The rest of the team stinks on ice. Fortunately for Green Bay, so also does the rest of the division.

3. Chicago Bears—So how many years has it been since the Bears had a legitimate quarterback? Twenty? Lovie should have signed Kurt Warner when he had the chance.

4. Detroit Lions—Hosting the Superbowl is the only involvement this franchise will ever have with the championship game. Steve Mariucchi deserves better than this. He should be coaching Favre in Green Bay and Mike Sherman should be stuck with this atrocious bunch.

NFC West
1. St. Louis Rams—I think they'll have enough offense to win nine or ten games, which should be enough in the West. Steven Jackson will be an All-Pro running back, Marshall Faulk will make some huge plays as an all-purpose back (I think he'll catch more passes than he'll have run touches), and the O-line just HAS to be better than last year (there's nowhere to go down from "worst"). The defense and special teams, once again, will determine whether they can advance in the playoffs.

2. Seattle Seahawks—The so-called experts like Seattle to win the division again this year. My question is why? They should have the helmet logo in the dictionary under "inconsistent."

3. Arizona Cardinals—I was all excited about Kurt Warner playing for Dennis Green with a cadre of young receivers and a revamped defense...and then I saw their schedule. Unless Warner has a year like he did in 1999, I don't see any way this team can finish better than .500, and no one's more disappointed about it than I am. If I'm wrong about one pick, I hope it's this one.

4. San Francisco 49ers—New coach, bad QB, rookie QB on the bench, tragedy during training camp...there's not much else that can go wrong with this once-proud franchise. Good riddance, says me—I always despised the 49ers in their heyday. Sip that with yer chardonnay, suckers!

Division Winners:
Philadelphia
Atlanta
Minnesota
St. Louis

Wild Cards:
Carolina
Dallas

Tomorrow: AFC Preview, part one

NFC Preview, Part One

This is my opinion. If you disagree with my opinion, then that's what the comments pop-up is for. I've purposely not included predictions of records; it's just too hard to determine exact records with all the different variables involved. I'm gauging my predictions based on my overall impressions of the team and their prospects this year. I'll make playoff picks after I complete each division. And away we go!

NFC East
1. Philadelphia Eagles—Owens may not shut up, but he also wants to prove that he's worth the money they're not going to pay him. This will almost certainly be his last year in Philly, but in any case, he's playing for a new contract. McNabb will have another huge year, and their defense is still the best in the conference. An easy pick to win the East.

2. Dallas Cowboys—Bill Parcells in his third year overseeing the resurrection of Drew Bledsoe. I have it on good authority that Julius Jones is going to have a huge year. With a weak schedule, it looks like playoff time for the wild-card Cowboys.

3. Washington Redskins—Will Joe Gibbs decide to return exclusively to NASCAR? Probably, after this group underachieves again this year. You know, there's a reason that Jacksonville decided to discard Mark Brunell.

4. New York Giants—No quarterback and a sociopath for a head coach: it couldn't happen to a nicer gang of alleged football fans. I hope this group goes 0-16.

NFC South
1. Atlanta Falcons—This is a team on the rise, with a hungry young head coach, an improving defense and the most exciting athlete in professional sports in Michael Vick (and yes, that includes LeBron James). Don't be surprised to see Atlanta in Detroit come January.

2. Carolina Panthers—After getting off to an atrocious start last season, Carolina just missed a wild card berth with a late-season surge. A year removed from their Superbowl hangover, Jake Delhomme should revert to his free-wheeling gunslinger style, and their defense will dominate games. My solid pick for one of the two wild-card spots.

3. Tampa Bay Bucanneers—Do you really want to stake your season on Brian Griese? I wouldn't, either.

4. New Orleans Saints—Everybody's sentimental favorite this year, for obvious reasons, but they're not going to be able to overcome playing the entire season on the road, not to mention the possibilities of moving permanently to San Antonio, a real probability if they have to demolish the Louisiana Superdome. Oh, and Jim Haslett still looks like Boggs from The Shawshank Redemption.

Coming tomorrow: NFC North and West predictions

p.s. Scott Stevens retired from the NHL today, forever crushing the hopes of St. Louis Blues fans that he may someday return to wear the note. The Stevens decision was the biggest screw-job in the history of professional sports: it was completely disproportionate, unfairly biased toward an East Coast team (what else is new), and dealt a blow to the Blues franchise that they never really recovered from. Idiotic decisions like this help explain why the NHL has been reduced to a minor-league sport. Now I have to watch clip footage of Stevens hoisting the Cup in a NJ Devils sweater. Thanks, ESPN—I have to go puke now.

Join The Sandlot's Pigskin Pick'em League

Exclusively for readers of The Sandlot, I've created a private league in espn.com's "Pigskin Pick'em" game, which allows you to pick the winners of NFL games each week. National winners earn cool prizes; league winners earn bragging rights, which aren't worth anything in terms of cash value, but it does enable you to gloat on a weekly basis. I'll keep a regular post after each week's results where I'll heap praise upon the entry with the best picks.

To sign up, enter this link in your browser address bar:

http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/frontpage

Once here, you'll need to sign up for an entry if you've never played ESPN fantasy sports before. If you have, simply log in with your user ID and password. The game will ask you to create a team entry. This is where you will name your team for The Sandlot league. Click on the "Create Entry" button to proceed.

At the next screen, name your team (be creative!), indicate whether you want weekly e-mail reminders to make your picks (useful for forgetful doofuses like me), and select "no point spread" for the scoring type. Our league is just straight-up winner/loser picks. When you're done, click "submit entry settings."

Your first week's picks grid will come up at this time. But you need to join the league first, so click on the link above the picks that says "Create or join a group." There is another link just below the grid that says "Group Directory" that you can also click on; it takes you to the same place.

At the top center of the Group Directory listings is a search window. Enter "The Sandlot" and click on the button that says "Search by Name." When the name comes up on your screen, click it to access the league. The next screen will show current listing of teams in the league. Click on the link that says "Join this group." After you click, the next screen will ask you for a password. Type in sandman26 and then click "Join this group."

You will now see your entry listed with the rest of the teams in the league. To access your picks, simply click on the name of your team. Remember that NFL Week One officially begins Thursday night, so you need to make your picks early this week. If you don't join until later, remember that our league drops your worst week, so you can still catch up with the overall standings.

Here's looking forward to a great NFL season and weeks of fun slamming each other for picks missed, praising those amazing sleeper picks, and ultimately giving praise and honor to the season winner (uhh, that'll be me! Really? Prove me wrong, then!).

Labor Day Weekend

Just a quick note to The Sandlot readers:

I'm taking the weekend off to enjoy the Labor Day holiday. I'll be back next week with my always-controversial NFL season preview and picks, so start sharpening your swords and axes now.

I'm setting up a private league for ESPN's Pigskin Picks for Sandlot readers; this is the free weekly "pick the winners" football pool. Match your wits and predictions against the rest of the Sandlot community.

Many of us know people directly affected by the disaster in New Orleans. Prayer is always warranted, of course, but if you can donate time, money or resources to the relief efforts, that's a more practical way to help. If you know of resources that are looking for support, you can post the links in the comments section.

What about sports? Cards' magic number is 16, the Rams offense looks good, the Vikings are a tantalizing mystery, Mizzou's gonna stink in football and basketball, and if I had half a billion dollars I'd buy the Blues and hire Tuck as my President and GM.

Happy Labor Day.

Weekend Wrapup

Hmmm...Mark Mulder, who sucks during day games, comes up with a "stiff neck" that holds him out of a day game start in Washington. Meanwhile, Jason "Give My Regards to Beale St." Marquis pitches a complete game two-hit gem of a shutout in Mulder's place...sounds like an X-file to me.

Why has no one else made the Mark Mulder/X-Files parallel reference? Is it too old? Am I just that lame? (These are rhetorical questions, you knuckelheads!)

I hate, hate, hate preseason football. It tells you nothing about your favorite teams because paranoid coaches run basic play sets that they'll never use in the regular season, starters only stand to get injured, it sets up unreal expectations for actual season performance, the games are watching-paint-dry boring in the second half (which is the exact opposite of regular season games), and it reminds me that the season still hasn't started, and I want it to start, like, last Sunday. Okay?

Speaking of seasons starting, I don't know anyone (okay, MAYBE one person) who has said this: "Boy, I just can't wait for the NHL season to get started."

Pop quiz for everyone (except Tuck, who's a ringer): name the starting #1 line for the St. Louis Blues. I rest my case.

Who would you rather face in the divisional playoff series, the NL West champion, who will probably only be a .500 team, or a wild-card winner from the NL East? I'd rather take my chances on Atlanta beating Houston in a five-game series than facing the pitching matchups against either Florida or the Mets. I'm not sure about Philly; I've just not paid that much attention to them. Pitching usually wins a short series, and the Cardinals offense is still too suspect for me to be comfortable facing any NL East team in a best-of-five. Houston also poses pitching problems, but only if they make it to the NL championship series. It's a dilemma.

Doesn't Bob Costas owe us all an apology for bashing the wild card system? Can you imagine how boring baseball would be at this point if the only pennant races were the AL East (Boston and New York—just shoot me now; ESPN would offer 24/7 coverage); AL West (LosAngelesAnaheimSanDiegoTijuanaCaboWabo Angels and the Oakland A's—hardly anyone in California cares, much less the rest of the country); and the NL Worst (hey, somebody's gotta win it, right? Yeah, unfortunately, even if they finish below .500). Six teams in each league have a legitimate chance of making the playoffs, and they'll both probably come down to the last game of the season.

Note to Tony LaRussa: Tomorrow's game in D.C. is a scheduled day game. I suggest that Mark Mulder's neck should still be "too stiff." Better his neck than his arm. If that doesn't work, hire a hypnotist to convince him the start time is 7:05 p.m.

I don't think I've ever been less excited (or even interested) in the start of a University of Missouri football season than this year, and I went to MU during the Woody Widenhofer-Bob Stull errors (sorry, that's "eras."). Every time I see Gary Pinkel I think of Humphrey Bogart playing the psychotic captain in "The Caine Mutiny," only he's on the bridge of the Titanic. Women and children first!

I've heard baseball announcers refer to the Washington Nationals as the "Nats." Is it just me, or does that sound an awful lot like "Nads"? It makes me laugh in an uncomfortable kind of way.

Is it too soon to start a "Mike Martz Getting Fired" watch? What about a gambling pool?

Brett Favre deserves better than he's going to get this year. It would be a travesty to see him with another team, but the Packers are going to be a travesty this year, as well.

I'm coaching flag football for 6-7-8-year olds. Boys in that age range come in just two groups: 1) boys intensely interested in excelling in their particular sport; 2) boys who think it's fun to spin around in a circle until they fall down. Guess which category my son falls into.

CUBS: Completely Useless By September. See, it's not a joke; it's really an acronym. (insert sound effect: Nelson from "The Simpsons," HAA-haa!!!)

Until next time...

Walking in Memphis (soon, please!)

This will come across as "dog bites man" commentary to anyone with eyes and a functional understanding of baseball, but I'm going to say it anyway:

It's time to send Jason Marquis back to Memphis.

I don't know if he can be retrained to keep the ball down or shown how to throw a different pitch that doesn't look like it's sitting on a tee to opposing hitters, but it's not up to Dave Duncan or Tony LaRussa to teach him in the middle of a pennant race.

Chris Carpenter's a legitimate Cy Young candidate. Mark Mulder has quietly won 15 games. Matt Morris is back on the winning track. Even Jeff Suppan has pitched well lately. Marquis has become the glaring hole in the starting rotation, and even though we don't need him in the playoffs, we need to put this division away and start planning for the postseason.

Promoting Anthony Reyes would be the logical decision for many reasons. First, he's got the best numbers among the starters in Memphis. Second, he looked pretty good during his sole big league outing, a win where he only gave up a couple of runs. Third, he's another lefty, which gives teams a different look.

By bringing up Reyes now for five or six starts, you season him for a postseason role in the bullpen, assuming he succeeds if they bring him up. It would benefit the Cardinals to have a left-handed middle reliever not named Flores or King.

Marquis, for whatever reason, cannot handle the pressure at this level at this time. If the Cardinals brain trust still feels he has potential, maybe he can find it again at Memphis. If he regains his touch there, he could still contribute out of the bullpen during the playoffs. Right now, he's a team liability—it puts further pressure on the offense when they know they'll have to come from behind when Marquis is on the mound.

Don't fret, Jason—the barbecue's terrific in Memphis. Get your head straight and come back strong in September.

Another Maalox Moment

The award given each year to the most outstanding relief pitcher in the major leagues is called the “Rolaids Fireman of the Year Award.” Fireman, because in baseball vernacular, a pitcher comes out of the bullpen to “put out the fire”; Rolaids, because they are the corporate sponsor and are associated with easing stomach pain, a familiar sensation to any baseball player or fan hoping and playing for those last three outs.

Jason Isringhausen should win his own award: Master of the Maalox Moment. Don’t get me wrong; I come to praise Izzy, not bury him. He’s got a proven track record as a closer. He’s second in the National League with 32 saves, after today’s bout of gastric distress. He throws a nasty cut fastball and a wicked curve.

But more times than not, he puts himself as much in a situation to lose the game as well as save it. Today he let the first two Giants he faced get on, then he got a pop out and a strike out before letting Mike Matheny (who couldn’t hit the dirt if he tripped when he played for us) single to load the bases with recent Cardinal-killer Moises Alou coming up as a pinch-hitter.

Okay, bases loaded, two outs, tying run on second, go-ahead run on first. Win or lose? Win today—Alou flew out to Taguchi in right field. But why did our closer put himself into this situation in the first place? Sure, he got the save, but not before fans throughout Cardinal Nation are reaching for Maalox, Tums, Mylanta, Rolaids, Jack Daniel’s, Oxycontin, or anything else to stop the pain.

I hope Izzy strikes out the last batter in the Cardinals’ fourth and decisive World Series victory this year, you know I do. But making it interesting doesn’t interest me. I wish Izzy could be like Bruce Sutter was in the ’80s, like Mariano Rivera was in the late ’90s, like Eric Gagne and Billy Wagner and Brad Lidge are now. When those relievers come into a game, it’s over. It’s just over. No one’s getting a hit. No one’s getting walked. Chalk up another “W” in the left-hand column.

Nope, we have Izzy. Izzy gonna get him out, or Izzy gonna load the bases? Pass the Maalox, would you?

The Turnaround

In the fall of 1987, back in the days when the major leagues were only split into two divisions, the Cardinals were in a tight pennant race with the New York Mets. The Cards had lost ground over several weeks to the Mets and found themselves playing a three-game series at Shea Stadium that had the potential to make or break the season. Then, like now, the Cardinals had been playing well all year but had fallen into a bit of a funk.

I was a sophomore at the University of Missouri then and living in the dorms on campus. A friend and I had plans to play racquetball, but we checked the Cardinals-Mets game before we left. Not good. The Mets were ahead, and it didn't look promising. My memory is not precise on this, but I think that whoever won this series would exit in first place in the division, and it looked like the Cardinals were finally going to cough it up to the surging Mets.

I can't tell you much about the racquetball match, other than it was sweaty. Upon returning to my dorm room, I turned the game back on to survey the damage. I arrived just in time to see Terry Pendleton hit what turned out to be the game-winning home run in the ninth inning. Todd Worrell shut down the Mets in the bottom of the ninth—game over, Cards win. They never fell out of first place the rest of the way, and they made it to the World Series before dropping an unfortunate seventh game to the Minnesota Twins, thanks to the stupidest baseball venue ever created (at least prior to Minute Maid Park in Houston).

Well, the Cardinals aren't in danger of blowing their lead in the National League Central, but I was planning on offering a few more definitions of the word "putrid" this evening. Amy and I came home from visiting her parents this evening, and I turned on the game to survey the damage. Chris Carpenter was going to lose his first game since, like, May. They were about to be shut out by another pathetic sub-.500 team, the always-hated San Francisco Giants (who I've hated, not coincidentally, since 1987, with Jeffery Leonard and his stupid home run "one flap down" nonsense).

Funny thing, this game called baseball—it takes 27 outs to win a game. Tony LaRussa is well aware of this, and he makes sure his players know it. Sure, sometime I think they stink, but I will give them this: they never, ever give up, and they sure didn't tonight. If you missed it, you missed a classic. Yadier Molina, one of our missing pieces, hit a three-run homer in the bottom of the ninth to bring the Cards within one run. A couple of hits and a sacrifice later, Pujols had a chance to tie it with a hit or sac fly or win it with a homer. Predictably, he popped out to deep second base. I'm convinced the pressure of being the only big bat in the lineup is causing him to press too hard in these situations.

So who picks up the slack? None other than Jim Edmonds, who shares a lot of similarities to Pendleton—a defensive gem who is lights out at the plate for periods of time but subject to maddening funks of inability with the bat. I can't remember the last significant hit Edmonds had before tonight, but his was the big blow. He hit a high fastball off the wall in right field, which scored Luna from third to tie it and Nunez all the way from first after the Giants right fielder misplayed the bounce off the wall. The dugout emptied to mob Edmonds at second after the winning run had scored.

Is this the turnaround point for this season? Can we expect Larry Walker and Reggie Sanders to return soon and contribute? Will Jocketty try to find an everyday third baseman to replace Scott Rolen and give LaRussa a deeper bench once again? Will the momentum from this victory propel the Cardinals through a long, tough, two-week road trip starting next week? Most of all, with seven games against the Cubs and five against Houston, will they finally bury the dagger into the hearts of their Central Division rivals? Stay tuned to The Sandlot...

Spooky Mulder

Too bad "The X-Files" craze passed years before Mark Mulder joined the Cardinals; this would be a perfect name for our would-be ace lefty--he's 1-5 with an ERA above 7 in the daytime, but at night, he's 12-1 and almost unbeatable. Spooky.

Of course, this begs the question about why LaRussa would continue to pitch Mulder in day games, but LaRussa's probably not that superstitious. He should, however, pay attention to the statistics. It is most encouraging to see Mulder's 4-hit complete game shutout Wednesday night, not to mention a nice little two-game winning streak against Arizona.

But as The Wolf told Jimmy, Jules and Vincent in the garage, "Let's not start [congratulating each other] just yet." (Hey, my mom reads this!)

After Carpenter and Mulder-under-the-lights, Matt Morris still needs to show he can be the #3 starter in the playoff lineup. Suppan's been very strong his last three starts, so he could still figure in the playoff picture. Marquis will almost certainly be in the bullpen, though that's not necessarily a bad thing--he could help keep Randy Flores and Ray King out of the game.

The offense has been better since returning from Chicago (though they could have hardly been worse), but don't even think that So Taguchi and Hector Luna can replace Larry Walker and Reggie Sanders. Provided that our starters return, the experience gained by our bench players could be an invaluable asset in the playoffs.

But there's still a lot of baseball to be played, and it's still too early to start talking about magic numbers (which is around 30, if you want to know). We've got a tough 13-game road trip that ends with three in Houston, and seven more games against the Cubs, who we've shown an infuriating inability to beat. But hey, in the words of Nuke LaLoosh, "I love winning! You know what I mean? It's better than losing!"

I Like Phil

Nice to see Phil Mickelson win another major tournament, especially one as tough as the PGA at Baltusrol. Much has been written about Phil's popularity on the tour, but speaking for myself, he comes off like someone I'd actually like to spend a few hours with out on the golf course.

Most of these guys come off like arrogant jerks. Tiger gets bent out of shape if someone breathes heavily in the middle of his backswing. Vijay, Els, Goosen—all too foreign, too inaccessible. Phil? Hey, it's Phil! Hey Phil, let's grab the clubs and go shoot a round, whaddaya say?

His kids hold an undeniable appeal to me, as well, which is probably true for many others. The thrill of seeing him win the Masters was matched by the congratulations he received from his two young daughters. Simply put, Phil seems like one of us. Some tour players grumble that his "man of the people" persona is a bit of an act, but don't we suspect that about the celebrities we like? So-called "good guys" like Tom Hanks seem like the guy next door, but what's he really like in private? It's the certain appeal of seeing celebrity faults exposed that keeps the tabloids in business and hefty profits year after year. But still, I'm gonna root for Phil every time he plays. I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

The other thing I like best about pro golf's major tournaments is how it makes these professional experts seem at times like you and me on the front nine of our local public course. Drives that sail off into the woods, rough shots that pooch out short only to land in a sand bunker, putts that veer feet off course—the sheer frustration of a game that no one on the planet has been able to consistently master with any degree of certainty.

We always knew that Joe Montana would win the Superbowl, that the Yankees would win the World Series, that MJ's Bulls would win the NBA title, that Gretzky's Oilers would raise the Cup, but with golf, there's no telling who's going to win from week to week, major to major, year to year. It's the elusiveness of the game that keeps us going back for more—seeking perfection in a sport where perfection cannot be achieved and where victory is most fleeting. I'd equate golf with the Christian journey through life, except that I'm sure Jesus doesn't like what I say when I slice my drive into the water.

What's That Putrid Smell?

Answer: The St. Louis Cardinals offense.

Thanks to my readers for patiently enduring my summer break. My wife and I welcomed our sixth (!) and final child, another daughter (#4) named Chloe Elizabeth. I was also wrapping up three different summer college classes while preparing for my fall classes. Today is my first day back to work on my fall schedule; thus, my first post of the new season.

I'm going to do my best to post as regularly as possible, and I know there's a lot of sports news to cover: the pennant and playoff races, the return of hockey, NFL training camps and season predictions, the PGA Championship, and on and on. There will be plenty of time to cover it all.

But first, let's address that giant sucking sound coming from Busch Stadium: the Cardinals offense. They're fortunate to have a big lead in the Central, because if they didn't, they would cough it up with this pitiful group LaRussa is forced to put up at the plate day in and day out. It's like we're back in the days of Maxvill and Torre instead of Jocketty and LaRussa.

Eckstein is wearing down in the summer heat because there's no one on the bench to give him necessary rest for the stretch run. Abraham Nunez was a cast-off from the Pittsburgh Pirates, which should tell you all you need to know about him.

John Rodriquez spent eight years in the minor leagues because he hits the curve ball about as well as Pedro Cerrano in the first 1:45 of "Major League." John Mabry is an adequate bench player but completely inadequate at the plate on an everyday basis. So Taguchi is likewise solid off the bench defensively and has delivered some big hits, but he's not Ichiro or Matsui by any stretch of the imagination.

Some guy named Mike Mahoney is playing catcher.

I'm not complaining about any of these guys defensively; they're doing the best they can under the difficult circumstances of the myriad injuries the Cardinals have suffered. But it's getting frustrating watching these guys continue to fail at the plate over and over again.

What's worse, it's put additional pressure to perform on the Cardinals three decent hitters, Pujols, Edmonds and Grudzielanek. Pujols is putting up big number again this season, but without anyone else to pick him up--like when he fails to hit a sacrifice fly to score a run from third with less than two outs--his failures seem all the more glaring. Same thing with Edmonds. He's always been a streaky hitter, but his cold streaks are more exposed by the weakness of the surrounding lineup. As a seventh hitter, Grudzielanek is great, but what's the point of a single or double when no one ahead or behind can even make contact?

Broadcast announcers say that we can expect Larry Walker and Reggie Sanders to return in 7-10 days, and catcher Yadier Molina shortly after that. Scott Rolen may not come back at all. The fact of the matter is this: Walt Jocketty has got to rent a power third baseman and a hard-hitting outfielder--even if Walker, Sanders and Molina return healthy and stay healthy--if the Cardinals have any chance at all to advance in the playoffs.

The Cardinals have got to find a way to score more runs; their pitching staff has done about as well as anyone could expect. Marquis and Morris didn't pitch all that bad this weekend in Chicago, but the offensive was simply putrid. We can't expect perfection from our pitching staff, but that's what it's come down to with what has suddenly become an alarmingly anemic offense. The simple fact of the matter is that the Memphis Redbirds have no chance to advance to the World Series, even though that's what we're left with on the field.

Let's Plan Ahead

Not to complain too much, seeing as the Cardinals are 9-1/2 games in first place in mid-June, but before too long, the also-rans are going to start offloading talent for prospects, and it would be nice to see Jocketty fill a few holes.

First of all, can we jettison Randy *#$%@! Flores before he does any more damage? This guy couldn't strike out my first grader, and it seems like every time he comes into a game, things just get worse. Maybe they're planning on bringing back Carmen Cali or Jimmy Journell later in the year, but the middle relief is still more like Maalox Moment than Rolaids Relief.

Second, Jeff Suppan's time is up. He's incredibly average, and he just gives up too many runs. If Walt can pull the trigger on a deal for a veteran pitcher (especially another lefthanded starter), Suppan should have his bags packed. He's a glaring hole in an otherwise solid starting rotation, at least when Good Mark Mulder shows up to the park.

Finally, we need a big right-handed bat, for two reasons. Number one, we suck against lefty pitching, and two of our biggest hitters—Edmonds and Walker—are lefties. Don't get me wrong, Mabry, Nuñez and Taguchi have been outstanding off the bench, but none of them are going to strike fear into the hearts of opposing pitchers. A big righty would be a boost off the bench.

Here's the other reason, and the one I think is most important: We're going to win the NL pennant, and last year against Boston, we were exposed for not having a big bat to hit in the DH spot at the American League ballpark. I don't care if they guy can play a lick in the field—he doesn't need to—we just need to rent a big hitter for the end of the season.

Okay sport fans, time for you to click on the comments link and name me some names...

Respect Your Elders

I play church league softball this time of year, usually "B" league, which is safer for those of us edging further into middle age. I was forced into emergency pitching duty last night, which was a bit distressing for me at the time. The game was a rematch with the first team we had played this season.

Coincidently, this was the same team I had pitched against previously, in my only outing of the season. I gave up 16 runs in two innings before the coach pulled me and came in himself (in blue jeans, no less—he hadn't planned to play at all). It's slow pitch softball, but I've been fighting tendonitis in my right arm since the beginning of the year. It was a frustrating experience.

Last night I had better results. I still gave up 15 runs, but it took them all seven innings to score that many, and we won the game 19-15. On the still brighter side, I went 3 for 3 at the plate, all three solid singles with a couple of RBIs (I still like the "s" on the end of that—I'm old school).

I was a bit sore last night, but this season hasn't been nearly as painful for me because I've finally accepted the fact that I'm almost 37 years old and weigh 250 pounds. I'm not stretching singles into doubles or doubles into triples anymore. I'm not legging out grounders unless the infielder boots it.

I didn't want to accept my age last season, so I pushed myself and always paid the price the next day in sore feet, ankles, knees, shoulders...well, basically everything. This season, playing more relaxed and accepting that I'm not a kid anymore, well, I can get out of bed relatively pain-free even after pitching seven innings and running the bases three times.

Now that I'm the same age as many older veterans, it amazes me that so many of them are able to perform at a professional level in their late 30s, and in some cases, into their 40s. Reggie Sanders (cousin Reggie) and Deion Sanders (cousin Deion) are both the same age as me—37. Reggie's doing yeoman's service in left field for the NL-best St. Louis Cardinals, and Deion's planning on playing another season in the defensive secondary for the Baltimore Ravens.

There is a tendency in the national sports media to denigrate the older players for having lost a step, a swing, a bit of arm strength, to start writing their professional sports obituary before they're ready to step out of the limelight. Some, like Brett Favre, may still have a good season or two left in the tank. Others, most notably Jerry Rice, generate comments about "damaging his legacy."

Please. Rice's legacy is rock solid—he's the best receiver to have ever played the game. Did Michael Jordan damage his legacy by playing for Washington in his 40s? Not at all—just say MJ, and all you think about is Chicago and the six rings. Say Rice, and you see him catching TD passes from Montana and Young.

The thing is, sports are games, and games are fun, and men are grown boys, and boys like to play games, and we don't like to come inside and stop playing the games even when it's dark outside or even when it's raining or even when we're probably too old to play as well as we used to. I can afford to slow down and take it easy to play—it's just a local church league. For the older players in the pros, they fight the inevitable tide of time and the treasonous unwillingness of their bodies to move and react and heal the way they did a decade ago, and yet, they still have the will and the ability to play. Gentlemen, I salute you all.

Please Pay No Attention to the Team in Purple

Uh oh.

Peter King, Sports Illustrated's best NFL writer, just picked the Minnesota Vikings to win the NFC Championship. We do not need this. It's like the kiss of death. Next thing you know, they'll be putting Daunte Culpepper on the cover of their NFL Preview edition, thus guaranteeing our massive QB a season-ending injury.

Well, at least he didn't pick them to win the Superbowl, so there's still hope. Oh sure, we here in Vikings Nation certainly think that the Vikes have a shot at the big game, especially in this era of parity, but with our long and glorious history of choking up the game when just on the verge of glory, we certainly don't want to be under the spotlight and microscope of national expectations.

Besides, it's far too early to judge any team based on only three factors: 1) Draft; 2) Free-agent signings; 3) Summer minicamps. I can say who I think is on either an up or down trajectory in each division, but I won't make the mistake of picking results or division order yet. It's just too soon.

NFC East: Trending Up—Dallas (Bill Parcells factor, Drew Bledsoe, vastly improved defense); Washington (Joe Gibbs 2.0 in second year). Trending Down—Philadelphia (T.O. mess, Superbowl hangover); NY Giants (Eli Manning still sucks, Tom Coughlin makes Simon Cowell look like Paula Abdul).

NFC North: Trending Up—Minnesota (new owner, new Moss-free attitude, improved defense); Detroit (break-out year for Mooch's offensive scheme). Trending Down—Green Bay (Brett Favre should have retired); Chicago (still no signs of any offense whatsoever).

NFC South: Trending Up—Atlanta (Mike Vick, Jim Mora Jr., building on last year's success); Tampa Bay (the return of Chucky); Carolina (defense still scary and impressive). Trending Down—New Orleans (rumors of leaving town are never good for a franchise).

NFC West: Trending Up—Arizona (Dennis Green's second year, the return of Kurt Warner, exciting young players). Trending Down—St. Louis (the NFL's worst head coach); Seattle (the NFL's most overrated head coach); San Francisco (the NFL's most inexperienced head coach).

I'll save my AFC comments for next week, once again in response to Peter King's early predictions, which he is promising for then. I respect King's opinions and think he's one of the smartest and most astute NFL writers around. For that matter, I also like SI's Don Banks and ESPN.com's John Clayton and Len Pasquerelli. I still, however, do not like Joe Theisman (but doesn't that go without saying?).

On one final note, for those of you who read my post, "An Open Letter to Reggie Fowler," one of my primary suggestions was to build a new open-air stadium to revive the miserable winter mystique of the old-school Vikings teams. Well, even though Fowler's bid fell through, new owner Zygmunt Wilf (good God, is that a great name or what?) has stated his intention to do just that—to take the Vikings back outside where they belong. Like all else, it's far to early to make any definitive statements about the Ziggy Era in Minnesota, but it couldn't have gotten off to a better start.

The Unbearable Futility of Being a Cubs Fan

Mark Prior: fractured elbow. Well, there it is. Mark Prior and Kerry Wood, both on the disabled list for at least a third of the season. Sandlot readers with sharp memories will recall that I predicted this very thing right at the start of the season, in addition to predicting that the Cubs would finish no higher than fourth in the NL Central, though it looks like Milwaukee and Pittsburgh will finish where I said Cincinnati and Houston would.

One might think that, being a Minnesota Vikings fan, I would have some sort of sympathy for Cubs fans, due to our similarities in futility. Well, my friends, that's where you would be wrong. While the Vikings have never won a Superbowl, they have been to the big game four times, as well as making it several times to the NFC Championship game. The Cubs almost never make it to the postseason, and they haven't been to the World Series in the lifetime of anyone other than C. Montgomery Burns or Mel Brooks' 2,000-year-old man.

Plus, Cubs fans are whiny and obnoxious. Vikings fans are stoic. Think Bud Grant. That Scandinavian reserve, the cold acceptance of fate and doom. Yeah, that's Vikings football—a dash of optimism tempered by an existential awareness of our own futility. The Cubs fans don't realize how much they suck, how pathetic their team is, how self-pitying all their talk of goat curses and Steve Bartman is.

Their manager is a loudmouth chump, they're down to one decent starting pitcher (if they can keep him off the Internet, that is), their bullpen makes serial arsonists look like Smokey the Bear, and they let their two best hitters, Alou and Sosa, walk without replacing them with anyone meaningful. The only way things could get worse for this team is if they traded their only remaining star, Derek Lee. Look for the Yankees to come calling later this summer for that one!

I turn 37 years old in less than a month. The last time the Vikings were in the Superbowl, I was seven years old, and they got trounced by John Madden's outstanding Oakland Raiders team. Yeah, they should have won it all in 1998, but woulda-shoulda-coulda is the bane of every losing franchise. Assuming I fall within normal lifespan demographics, I've got about 40 more years for the Vikings to win one before I die. I can live that out secure in the knowlege that the Cubs will go at least that long before winning the World Series.

Schadenfreude: ask for it by name!

A Night Without Baseball...

...is like a day without music. All's quiet in Cardinal Nation tonight, with the boys taking a well-deserved night off after a three-game sweep of the young and talented but overmatched Pittsburgh Pirates. The Washington Nationals (nee Montreal Expos) come to town for the first time this weekend, but tonight, all is quiet, and I'm wandering around the house wondering what to do with myself.

I can't remember a time that I didn't listen to Cardinals baseball on the radio. I grew up with Jack Buck and Mike Shannon in the air from April through September, and a few lucky times on into October. Whenever they have a day off, it's like something big is missing in the day, like I forget to eat lunch or pick up one of my kids from school. For those who don't know, that's what Cardinal Nation is like—it's part of the air, part of our DNA, almost.

The season is looking very good early on. The team is handling Scott Rolen's extended absence without a hitch (thank you John Mabry and Abraham Nunez), the starting pitching has been 80% good, and Izzy's still perfect. Suppan is struggling lately though, and that middle relief core raises my blood pressure more than a Tom DeLay/George W. Bush joint news (read: propaganda) conference. Still, there's not much room for complaints with a team 14 games over .500 in May.

What else is going on? I guess since Curt Schilling can't pitch any more, he needs to run his big mouth at the Cardinals future Hall of Fame manager for telling the truth about poor little Edgar Renteria. I was happy to see Renteria go; he didn't have a meaningful at-bat for the Cards since before last year's All-Star break, and I'm not surprised to see him struggle in Boston. I'd really like to see a bench-clearing brawl next month when the Red Sox come to Busch, and I'd like to see LaRussa sock Schilling right in the mouth. Tony's got too much class for that, for sure, but Schilling's a world-class jerk. Nothing's worse than a sore winner.

My man Kurt Warner was just named the starting QB for the Arizona Cardinals. No surprise there, but he still has plenty of doubters if the folks who get paid to write and speak what I do here for free are to be believed. Copy this down, folks, 'cause I'm gonna make a bold prediction: if the Gridbird's offensive line keeps Warner from getting hurt, he's going to fly that speedy receiver unit straight into the playoffs, and possibly as the NFC West champs, depending on how the Rams do with the rest of their schedule. Warner will revive his career this year, along with the fortunes of the Arizona franchise.

(And so what if I'm wrong? Like I said, I'm not getting paid to write this stuff, and it doesn't cost you anything other than time, and I'm probably helping you to procrastinate from doing something you really don't want to do anyway, so everyone's a winner, right? Okay, let's move on...)

Happy to see Miami even up their series with Detroit last night. I'd much rather see Shaq going up against Tim Duncan in the finals. See, this is what I'm reduced to without the NHL playoffs and a night off from baseball. (heavy sigh...)

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

The Cardinals sleepwalked through a sloppy loss in Kansas City today, I don't care about the NBA playoffs, hockey may never return in our lifetime, and it's another six weeks at least until NFL training camp starts, so instead of a sports post, I'm going to talk about why I was disappointed with Star Wars Episode 3.

A word of warning: if you plan to see the movie and don't want to read any spoilers, leave now and don't come back until you've seen the movie. If you've seen it, I welcome any and all comments either in agreement or dissent (as usual, of course).

I was enormously disappointed with this movie. I enjoyed it far less than the two previous episodes. I know that "Phantom Menace" and "Attack of the Clones" have taken their fair (and deserved) share of hits from both critics and fans, but I felt like both movies served their purpose: to set up the fall of Anakin Skywalker. So why was I disappointed with this last movie?

Simple: I never believed his turn to the Dark side. I didn't believe that, given the information that he had, Anakin Skywalker would kill Mace Windu and swear allegience to Palpatine. I'm a writer, and I deal in characters and motivation, and he did not yet have sufficient motivation to take the action that he did, in my opinion.

Here are the facts: 1) Anakin had dreams that Padme would die in childbirth; 2) Palpatine had given him vague promises about the possibility that Sith powers could prevent death; 3) Once Anakin realized Palpatine was the Sith Lord, he turned that news over to the Jedi Council; 4) Anakin was devoted to Jedi principles and was not shown learning anything different about the Dark side; 5) Just because he killed Windu, he didn't have to swear allegience at that time; he could have turned Palpatine over to the Senate or the Jedi; 6) the Jedi had not shown sufficient cause that they were trying to take over control of the Republic from the Senate.

I did not think that this collection of evidence would motivate Anakin to take part in the slaughter of the Jedi. I did not believe that he would so easily turn against Obi-Wan Kenobi. And I don't think the problem was with Hayden Christenson's acting. I thought he did the best he could with what he had to work with, in terms of the script (which was bad). Anakin was smart; he should have considered that perhaps Padme's death would be a result of his turning to the Sith (which, in part, it was).

What would have been proper motivation? First of all, Lucas should have taken Padme out of the equation entirely. Make Anakin's seduction all about political power, about his ability to rule over the Republic. Make the Jedi more anti-democratic in the name of "law and order." Make the turn more gradual, more little-by-little as Anakin takes one more step over the line. And keep Palpatine from revealing himself until Anakin has already gone too far over to the Dark side. That would have been more believable and less stupidly melodramatic (and avoided the laughably bad "NOOOOO!!" scene at the end of the movie).

A more gradual fall would have also given Obi-Wan the chance to turn Anakin back to the Jedi, something that was discussed at length in the original trilogy but that wasn't even present here. Also, the original trilogy established that Leia remembered her mother; Padme dying in childbirth was a major league plot hole. It would have been more believable if Padme had run into hiding out of fear of her husband's ever-growing power. The climactic battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin could have been Kenobi defending Padme and the twins from being kidnapped by a fully-turned Darth Vader.

Of course, at this point, I'm rewriting George Lucas' movie, which any of us who were disappointed by the movie could do; but my point is that someone should have pointed out to Lucas at the beginning of the prequel trilogies that he had to remain true to his original story and the plot points that had already been established. This could have been so much better if Lucas had had the patience to tell the story that had already been told in the first three movies instead of concocting an adolescent soap opera of secret, lost love. "Romeo and Juliet" may be one of Shakespeare's best-known plays, but serious scholars will also tell you that its one of his earliest and most amateurish attempts at tragedy. Lucas' mistake was following this path of lost love. Sorry, it just wasn't compelling in the Star Wars universe.

Having said all this, how stupid are the Jedi Knights? Anakin Skywalker is believed by many on the Jedi Council, including his Master, Obi-Wan, to be The Chosen One. So why do they all treat him like the bastard at the family reunion? He's only established himself to be incredibly skilled, powerful in the Force, courageous, heroic, etc. How about a little love, people? That part of Anakin's turn to Sith was believable because the Jedi Council treated him like dirt, but the fact that they did in the first place was so jaw-droppingly stupid that they all deserved to die in the end for their, as the Emperor would say, "lack of vision." His fall would be even more believable had the Jedi acknowledged his power and put him into a position of political power and influence.

I am a professor of literature, and if I've learned anything about tragedy, a hero's fall always has more to do with pride than love. Anakin Skywalker would not have turned to the dark side for love, but power and pride would have done the trick. I wish someone would have mentioned that to George Lucas a few years ago. Looks like his pride in his own flawed romantic vision has led to this most disappointing failure:

Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader—Dark Lord of the Sith, the scourge of the Empire, feared throughout the galaxy, destroyer of planets and civilizations—because he was scared something bad might happen to his wife.

Yeah, right.

Extreme Racing

I'm not a racing fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I did tune in to a few minutes of the NASCAR race Sunday afternoon at Talladega because my brother-in-law and nephew were on hand to see the race in person. Curious as to what they were seeing, I watched a bit. Very interesting. I know it takes a knock for "not being a real sport," but what I saw was pretty amazing.

At one point, a driver's rear tire blew out and his car started spinning around, with debris and smoke going everywhere. Not only was the driver not hurt, he managed to get back into the race, but that's not even the amazing part. Not one other driver wrecked as a result of the blowout and subsequent spin. They just dodged the damaged car, the flying tire skin and drove through a blanket of smoke, all at well over 100 miles an hour without crashing into each other. Had this been I-270 in St. Louis on a weekday afternoon, several people would have been killed or maimed. I was impressed.

I was also impressed by the speed and efficiency of the pit crews. I don't know how any of them can make heads or tails of the whole thing. After the tire blowout, most of the other drivers took the opportunity for a pit stop. What a chaotic scene, with pit crews flying into action just as the drivers pull into a space so small it looks like they're parallel parking, then in a matter of seconds, he's flying back onto the track again. Wow.

The other thing I liked about this race was that Jeff Gordon won. Now, as I said, I'm no racing fan, but I live in southern Missouri, and you have to be completely culturally ignorant not to be aware of what Gordon represents to NASCAR fans: he's redneck kryptonite. They hate him. And in the same vein, they love Dale Earnhart, Jr., so a win for Gordon is a loss for Earnhart, which pisses off rednecks nationwide. And there's nothing I like better than something that pisses off a redneck. The only way it could have been better was if Hillary Clinton had been in the winner's circle to plant a big soul kiss on Jeff as he sprayed Pepsi all over his crew. Yee-hah!

But as I read the recap story of the race in the local paper, I noticed that in this race, along with Daytona, the cars are equipped with something called "restrictor plates," which evidently reduces the horsepower of the engines. Now, I guess that this is designed for: a) safety; b) improved competition; or c) someone's getting kickbacks from the manufacturers of restrictor plates. There's just something about that that I don't like. Restrictor plates. Restrictions. You can only go "this fast."

Bullshit!

NASCAR can be all about the skill of their drivers on a level playing field. If you want me to spend what little of my income is left for entertainment, I want to see a race where there are literally no restrictions whatsoever on the type of vehicle you can enter. Extreme racing. Mad Max on a two-mile oval track. Corvette's with 450-cubic inch engines. Pickup trucks with huge nitrous-oxide boosters in the payload bed. A Winnebago with a jet engine mounted on the roof. Motorcycles. Dune buggies. If it rolls on wheels and runs on gasoline, let it race. And you're only allowed to pit for gasoline. If your tires blow out, too bad—you lose! And forget about all these professional racing teams; make this a regional sport in which backyard mechanics can create the ultimate tricked-out racing monster and race it for cash and glory. Tell me this wouldn't be a huge hit both in person and on cable television. Sell it to USA Network—if they'll show reruns of the Japanese geek-fest "Most Extreme Challenge," they would jump at this idea.

Oh, and by the way, consider this concept "copyright 2005, The Sandman." After all, internet sportswriting pays even less than teaching!

The Week That Was—Sports Edition

Sorry, sports fans, but my duties to the college I work for, which includes both teaching five classes and graphic design work, have prevented me from posting regularly in the past week, so I hope I can make up for it with this quick recap.

Baseball
I was going to start off the blog by eviscerating the Cardinals for their three-game losing streak until I woke up to find out that the Birds rallied for seven (!) runs in the top of the ninth against the napalmed remains of the Cincinnati bullpen to win the game 10 to 9. I guess Yogi was right when he said "It's not over 'till it's over." This is especially true with Tony LaRussa's Cardinals teams of the past four years, all of whom have shown the gritty determination to play nine full innings regardless of the score.

That's what made the series loss in Atlanta—one in which they should have swept the light-hitting Braves—especially frustrating: the Cardinals are not driving in runs when they have the opportunity, and none of their Big Four—Walker, Pujols, Edmonds, Rolen—are producing at a sufficient level. Last year, Scott Rolen carried this team singlehandedly on his bat until the others game around to hitting consistently. All four sluggers will hit their strides, of that I have no doubt, but right now, it's discouraging to see them fail consistently to drive in runs, especially when there are less than two outs. It will come around in time, but until then, we'll have to keep gritting our teeth through low-scoring one-run games.

On the bright side of a down game, props have to get shouted out to LaRussa for taking one for the team against one of the most incompetent home plate umpires in recent memory in Saturday night's game. Al Reyes should have gotten a call that resulted in a strike-out/thrown-out double play. Instead, the umpire called ball four, bases loaded. The ball was knee-high over the middle of the plate. Fool me once, shame on you... So Randy Flores comes in and gets the same call on ball four that should have been strike three, in comes the tying run, here comes Tony. Fool me twice...uhh...won't get fooled again (G.W. Bush). For those of you who don't read lips, he said, "That was bulls***. That was f***ing bulls***." Sure, he got tossed, but it was worth it to see him tell the umpire what the rest of us were thinking.

Football
Couple of interesting notes from Rams and Vikings rookie minicamps. First from St. Louis, Mike Martz said of couple of interesting things. First, he named first-round pick Alex Barron the team's starting right tackle. The Rams have a history of breaking down rookies mentally and physically, especially on the defensive side, and they haven't always bounced back to succeed in the NFL. Will Barron undergo the same harsh initiation, or will Mad Mike treat him with softer gloves because of the Rams' glaring needs at RT? Probably a little of both, I would imagine. He'll need to toughen up just because the game is tougher at the pro level, but the Rams HAVE to enable Barron to succeed if their offense has any hope this year.

Martz also had high praise for their seventh-round QB pick, Ryan Fitzpatrick from Harvard (great Ivy League name, huh? Does he talk with a Hyannisport accent?). It's common knowledge that the Rams' playbook is the largest and most complex in the league, so it's no surprise that a QB with a degree in economics (!) from Harvard would appeal to the mad scientist who sometimes resembles a football coach. To be honest, I would bet more on this guy's future success than either of the QBs picked in the first round (Tom Brady, anyone?).

Second, a great little tidbid from Vikings camp taken from the Star-Tribune website (linked here as "The Purple Page"). New cornerback Fred Smoot, who has succeeded Randy Moss as the team's motormouth on the field, was taunting first-round pick Troy Williamson, the speedy wideout from S. Carolina. The rookie ran straight at Smoot, deked, then shot off away from him, leaving the cornerback in the dust as Williamson snagged a 60-yard TD strike from Daunte Culpepper. NFC North teams better bring fire extinguishers this fall, because the Vikings offense is going to smoke them all. Bet on it.

Basketball
I'm not an NBA fan at all, but I usually pay attention during playoff time. Having said that, I'm disappointed with most of these first-round matchups, most of which aren't even competitive. The league makes too much money off of their TV contracts to reduce the number of playoff teams or return these first-round series to best-of-five, but is anyone watching? Is anyone excited? Let's get on to the next round; I want to see Shaq throw down when it counts, not when he's not even really needed on the floor. BORRR-RIIIING!!!

Hockey
"You want fries with that?"
"Haven't I seen you on TV before?"
"I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh!"

NFL Draft Winners and Losers

All in all, it was a terrific draft, although I must concur with Peter King of Sports Illustrated in that the time allowed "on the clock" for teams to pick should be reduced. If they haven't made up their minds by the time their pick rolls around, an extra five minutes isn't going to make much difference.

Draft Winners
Arizona Cardinals—I remember when the Gridbirds were in St. Louis and the only question was how badly would George Boone and Bill Bidwell and the rest of the Cardinals brain(dead)trust screw up their draft picks. Well, Denny Green has brought in a new attitude, and it's looking more and more like Arizona could legitimately contend for a playoff spot this year. They were fortunate to get Antrel Rolle to fall to their #8 spot, then they further solidified their running game with J.J. Arrington, then went back to work on their defense, for the most part. If Seattle stumbles, they could win the NFC West.

Minnesota Vikings—They went for speed over size in selecting Troy Williamson at WR to replace Randy Moss, then got a huge break when Erasmus James, a big, fast, pass-rushed DE was available with their second first-round pick at #18. They also picked up an offensive lineman to back up the aging David Dixon, another running back (the Vikings are second only to Denver in producing quality RBs) and more help in the defensive secondary. The Vikings' defense will be so dramatically improved this year that the resulting release of pressure on the offense to outscore opponents should actually free Daunte and company to relax and light up the scoreboard like a pinball machine. Is this the year? Well, Vikings fans think every year is the year, but at least this time, our optimism is legitimate.

Losers
St. Louis Rams—You can't argue with their first-round selection of Alex Barron. The kid has a mountain of size and potential, and he could be an All-Pro if the Rams coaching staff figures out how to motivate him to work harder than scouts say he did at Florida State. They had to pick the best lineman available, especially after the Saints moved up and took Jammal Brown (see, I TOLD you New Orleans would try to screw us). The rest of the Rams draft, however, are all projects and reaches. I don't know why Mike Martz continues to draft players that could develop under the right circumstances when what he needs are players who can step in right now and fill needs. New England can afford coaching projects; the Rams can't, and that's why their second and third round picks look like wastes at this point. We shall see...

Detroit Lions—They play in a division against Daunte Culpepper and Brett Favre and only drafted one player for the defensive secondary. Stupid. Sure, Williams was a tempting pick, but they didn't need another wide receiver. The Vikings did, desperately, and they picked someone else, which tells me all I need to know at this point. The Lions need help on defense, and they didn't get it.

Some Pre-Draft Thoughts on a Saturday Morning

I think one of the more interesting aspects of the NFL draft is how it has evolved into such a spectacular national event. This is due directly to the influence and popularity of ESPN and their ability to successfully market what had once been a very dull and businesslike weekend for previously unseen and unknown NFL team executives. They have, due to their draft coverage, elevated the position of general manager to a celebrity on par with the head coaches themselves. The same can be said for many owners, who have used the draft coverage to enhance their already massive egos.

All that being said, the draft is a wonderful diversion in an otherwise sports-thin spring. As I've commented on before, baseball is just getting started, it's too early in the NBA and NHL (remember them?) playoffs to warrant serious excitement yet, and the real football season is still months away. The draft gives NFL fans a chance to begin generating their fanatic, illogical optimism about the season that is to come. A big-name first round draft pick can get a city excited about a season that won't start for another four months, and the hype carries us through training camp and preseason, especially when said pick shows promise in the summer run-up to the regular season.

Since the coverage is ESPN's baby, I'm going to use their mock draft for my comments. Check back in tomorrow to see if they were right and to see what I've got to say about it.

1. San Francisco 49ers: Alex Smith, QB, Utah—Yes, SF needs a QB, and Smith seems to be the top guy with all the skills, but when is the last time a #1 QB picked made an impact? Peyton Manning? Yeah, Peyton's an elite player, but he can't beat the team led by a QB picked in the SIXTH round, namely NE's Tom Brady. Smith is going to get killed this year trying to play as rookie behind an inept O-line and with a weak running game. He should hold out for a HUGE signing bonus, 'cause this year will be no fun at all for him.

2. Miami Dolphins: Aaron Rodgers, QB, Cal—same problems as the #1 pick; remember who got picked right after Peyton Manning? Ryan Leaf. I'm not saying Rodgers will be as huge a bust, but I don't see this pick as a sure thing. My money's on Miami trading down with either Minnesota, Washington or St. Louis.

3. Cleveland Browns: Braylon Edwards, WR, Michigan—Don't be surprised if Cleveland picks Rodgers if he's available. Sure, Edwards has huge potential, but who's gonna throw him the ball? Trent Dilfer? Please.

4. Chicago Bears: Cedric Benson, RB, Texas—A stupid pick. They've got a decent running game in Chicago. What they don't have is a decent QB. If they want a running back, there's plenty available. If I'm Chicago, I'm trading down out of this spot, too. Plenty of good running backs out there for less money in a lower pick.

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Cadillac Williams, RB, Auburn—A solid pick if the top two QBs are gone. They desperately need a running back, a difference maker, and either Benson or Williams would fit in well with Chuckie's offense.

6. Tennessee Titans: Antrel Rolle, CB, Miami—Huh? Tennessee's problem is their offense, not their defense. If you can't get a QB to succeed McNair or an elite RB, trade down for more picks.

7. Minnesota Vikings: Mike Williams, WR, USC—Short of trading up to get Braylon Edwards (it's typically delusional of Vikings fans to think he'll drop this far...), this is the pick the Vikings HAVE to make. Nate Burleson is a nice receiver, but he does not strike fear into the hearts of defensive coordinators like Randy Moss did. Williams is big, strong, can jump up and take the ball away. What about speed? Speed, schmeed—he just needs to be one step faster than the defense. Daunte needs another go-to guy, and Williams—in this spot—is just that. If they can trade up, fine, but not if it costs their other first-round pick. They might switch spots with St. Louis, but only if later rounds or future picks are involved. No way I'm giving away an extra first-round pick.

8. Arizona Cardinals: Adam Williams, CB, West Virginia—A shut-down cornerback is a necessity in the NFC West when you're going up against St. Louis and Seattle. This is a no-brainer. But, then again, Bill Bidwell has no brain, so you never know.

9. Washington Redskins: Carlos Rogers, CB, Auburn—Not sure why Washington would pick a cornerback this early; they have so many other holes to fill. Joe Gibbs will probably go another direction.

10. Detroit Lions: Derrick Johnson, LB, Texas—they need secondary help to compete with Minnesota and Green Bay, plus help on the D-line.

11. Dallas Cowboys: DeMarcus Ware, DE/LB, Troy St.—who really knows what the Tuna will do? He needs more offensive help than defense, though, like another receiver for Bledsoe to throw to.

12. San Diego Chargers: Shawne Merriman, LB, Maryland—Absolutely. Gotta fill that hole that letting Junior Seau go left behind.

13. Houston Texans: Ronnie Brown, RB, Auburn—I don't care.

14. Carolina Panthers: Alex Barron, OL, Florida State—A solid pick, but don't be surprised if they trade with St. Louis so that Rams can take this guy.

15. Kansas City Chiefs: Marcus Spears, DE, LSU—The Chiefs need defensive help everywhere, so if this guy is the best defensive athlete available at the time, go for it. They could also trade with St. Louis in order to get more lower-round picks.

16. New Orleans Saints: Thomas Davis, S, Georgia—They might take Jammal Brown from Oklahoma just to spite the Rams, but St. Louis covets Davis, too, so this accomplishes the same thing. St. Louis would kill to pick ahead of the Saints for this same reason. It's too bad we're not in the same division any more. This was turning into a really nasty rivalry.

17. Cincinnati Bengals: Troy Williamson, WR, South Carolina—The Bengals suck. Does it really matter who they pick? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

18. Minnesota Vikings: Erasmus James, DE, Wisconsin—Or David Pollack out of Georgia, or Spears, Ware or Merriman, if they're available, or even Williamson if Cincy doesn't pick him. There's a lot to be done with this pick, which is why they CAN'T trade this one away to move up ahead of seventh. Even if Edwards and Willams are both gone at seven, they could take Williamson and still be okay, or take the best defensive player and hope Williamson is still here at 18. Just don't trade it away!

19. St. Louis Rams: Jammal Brown, OT, Oklahoma—Sure, if he's still available. I think if they can swing a deal to move ahead of Carolina and take Barron, they will. They have to get help on their O-line before Bulger is road kill on the Ed Jones turf.

20 and beyond—too hard to predict; plus, I couldn't care less about any of these other teams, and I'm sure you're tired of reading by now. My draft wrap-up will, as you can guess, focus on Minnesota and St. Louis, because let's be honest, those are the only two teams I'm rooting for, anyway. See ya soon.

Unpress the Panic Button

Okay, Cardinal Nation, can we all just relax now? Five games, five quality starts from each member of the starting rotation, and five wins. Jeff Suppan pitched 8+ shutout innings. Jason Marquis was absolutely unhittable after a bit of a rocky start, and the offense got him the win. Chris Carpenter was back in his prime form from last year before his nerve injury. And what was most pleasant from the past two evenings in Pittsburgh, the arrival (at last) of Mark Mulder and the return of Matt Morris.

One of the more annoying things about fans of winning programs, which includes, in baseball, the Cardinals and the Yankees, is the speed at which certain fans start screaming and yelling when the team isn't playing all that well. What we have to remember is that the baseball season, more than any other sport, is a marathon race. Quick out of the gate doesn't necessarily mean anything.

A week ago when the paid "experts" in St. Louis were trying to analyze why Cardinals hitters couldn't hit and why their pitchers couldn't pitch were overlooking one simple fact: It was only the first 5 or 6 games out of 162. It takes a while for some teams—especially veteran teams like St. Louis and New York—to get into the rhythm of winning.

The Yankees may have some age problems, but they also have unlimited resources, so whatever might need fixing will probably get fixed. The Cardinals have far fewer financial resources to work with, but Walt Jocketty and Tony LaRussa didn't spend the winter getting stupid. They kept the parts they needed and replaced the parts that were missing with the best players available that they could afford.

Pitchers don't come right out of the gate and pitch great. It takes them a few real games that actually count in the standings to work out all the details of their delivery, location, pitch selection and physical feel for the game. Not to mention that they're working with a young catcher who's still learning how to handle a big-league rotation on a daily basis. Five games, five quality starts, five wins. Now we know what they're capable of.

The hitting has started to wake up in Pittsburgh, as well. Hitters don't need to make as many adjustments as pitchers, and if anyone out there really thinks that Walker, Pujols, Rolen and Edmonds are all going to have sub-.300 seasons, then you really need to think about cutting back on your pot habit.

And yes, I know it was Milwaukee and Pittsburgh. We should beat those teams, absolutely. We should beat just about every team in the National League at least two out of every three with only a few exceptions. Look who we lost to: Philly and Cincinnati, two teams that yours truly said were going to be competitive this year. Well, they're living up to my expectations, at least so far. By beating the teams we should beat, we put the pressure on the other teams in our division who are already chasing us.

We're 8-4 and in first place in the Central Division. Chill out, people.

An Ode to Busch Stadium

Well, not a real ode; I suck as a poet, so I won't even try to subject you to my attempts at verse. What I do want to talk about, now that the Cardinals have opened their home season—and their last at what will from this point on be known in Cardinal Nation as "Old Busch Stadium"—with a sloppy and improbable win over the Phillies, are my three most memorable experiences at the stadium.

1982—World Series, Game Six
I was a freshman in high school in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, and our marching band was recognized as the top band in the state; it was a tradition that has, sadly, fallen into the mists of history since I graduated almost t#@&%$y years ago. At that time, freshman couldn't even get into the big band; we had our own "jayvee" farm team band, but a few select freshmen, including me, were given the "honor" of working as the roadie crew for the big band.

I know what you're thinking, but remember just how gullible most ninth graders are.

Anyway, almost at the last minute, the band got the invitation to play the pre-game ceremonies at game six. The bad news was that the game was a sellout, and we wouldn't be able to stay and watch the game. The good news was that when the right field wagon gates opened, another freshman and I were the first ones through the gate and out onto the field.

It was immense. The astroturf felt unusally soft and squishy beneath my feet. The perfect circle of the stadium top expanded above me like an infinite panorama. Red, white and blue bunting hung from the field, mezzanine and terrace sections, and the buzzing hum of the crowd was like the initial rumblings of an impending explosion. I felt as small and insignificant as I had on any night gazing up at a trillion stars or huddling in bed as a huge thunderstorm exploded outside my window. At the same time, it was then and remains to this day one of the coolest experiences I've ever had. I stood on the playing field of a World Series game on game day.

1993—United Way Day at the Ballpark
My first "real" job after graduating college was with the United Way in St. Louis. Part of my job in their Marketing Dept. was coordinating an annual United Way night at a Cardinals game. It was an insane amount of work, but I was young and single and didn't have anything better to do than work 75-80 hours a week (which is probably why many entry-level corporate jobs come with huge tasks such as this one). I had to organize about 30 different agencies that we supported to send representatives to the game to march around the field prior to the first pitch.

The night went fine; as a borderline obsessive (okay, so I'm way over the line), I had all the details quintuple-checked beforehand. But three things about that night stand out. First, as the agency folks—most of whom were kids, because nothing separates people from their money better than cute kids—marched around, they came out of the right field gate, headed around the outfield toward third base, turned across the back of the infield toward first, and then back out down the first base line. While this was going on, Gregg Jefferies (remember him?) was throwing warm-ups with Todd Zeile (forgotten about him?) down the first base side. Jefferies stopped throwing as the line of kids reached him and took the time to shake hands with them as they passed. Sure, he was no Ozzie Smith, but to these kids, many poor, some handicapped, all blown away to be at Busch Stadium, shaking hands with an honest-to-goodness big league ballplayer—and a Cardinal, to boot—was certainly a memory to treasure. The coolest part was that I had never spoken to the Cardinals in general or any player in particular about doing what Jefferies did; he greeted the kids because he wanted to. I've never forgotten that about him.

Second, I also coordinated the media relations for that same game, so after the pregame, I got to go into the press box, where I met Jack Buck, Mike Shannon and Joe Buck. Solid class, all around. Jack Buck treated me—25 years old at the time—like I was just as important as anyone else in the booth. Same with Mike and Joe. What you hear from them on the radio and TV is the same as they are when you meet them in person. Third, at the time, you ate for free in the press box. Brats, cheeseburgers, roast beef sandwiches, nachos, everything you could have wanted. Bernie Miklasz of the Post-Dispatch, who I had never met in person before that night, easily topped 300 pounds at that time. Bernie, God bless him, has dropped a lot of that weight, but now that I'm in my late 30s, if I had that job today and they fed me free stadium bratwursts every night, I'd look like Jabba the Hutt.

1998—Mac hits 69 and 70
I won free tickets to the last game of the season from a business conference I had attended earlier that summer in Cape Girardeau. My wife was seven months pregnant with our fourth child, our first son. The game was at the end of September, a Saturday day game, at it was unseasonably hot. It felt more like the middle of August. My good friend Tuck was also with us that day, so two of my best friends were there to share the experience.

I was pouring bottled water down Amy's shirt to try to keep her cool—summer pregnancies can be oppressive. We were sitting in the terrace box seats directly behind home plate. Mark McGwire was sitting on 68 home runs, having already shattered Roger Maris' record and then held off Sammy Sosa for the rest of the season. The entire stadium stood every time he came to the plate. Number 69 was a moon shot, one of those no-doubters McGwire was famous for. He hit number 70 on his last at-bat. Amy missed seeing it because she was too tired to stand up. I told Tuck that Mac was going to hit one more just before he ripped it, this last one a line drive similar to number 62. That wasn't clairvoyance or even luck, just expectation from a remarkable baseball player having a remarkable season.

I don't care if McGwire did steroids. I really don't. Even a clear admission on his part wouldn't diminish the memory of that day. Does it diminish his accomplishments? I think the question has to be whether he could have done it without taking steroids. Could he have gotten as strong as he did without steroids? Tony LaRussa thought that he had. He certainly was taking andro, and probably a lot of other nutritional supplements that you can get today at most gyms and GNC stores. If he took steroids, did they give him an edge he otherwise wouldn't have had? I don't know enough to say.

If he took steroids with Canseco in Oakland, was he still taking them in St. Louis? If he wasn't taking steroids in 1998, but did earlier in his career, are the home runs still legitimate? History will be the ultimate judge, I suppose. But I won't condemn him or devalue the thrill of experiencing that season as a Cardinals fan. All I know is that for me, on that day, it was an incredible experience that added one more memory to what has been a lifetime of experiences with Busch Stadium. It's the only major league baseball field I've ever been to, and when they tear it down, I hope I have the chance to be in St. Louis to watch it fall. I suppose it will be like attending the funeral for a friend you've known all your life. It will be sad to see it go, but seeing it will remind me of how many good times we've had. Let's relish the 80 games we have left with the old friend.

American League Preview

AL Champions:
New York Yankees

Until MLB institutes a salary cap and revenue sharing, anything else is superfluous.

p.s. Cardinals beat Yankees in six games in World Series

National League Preview

Before I get to my guaranteed-wrong predictions for this year in the National League, I just want to thank all of you who have checked out "The Sandlot." I also want to thank you all for pointing out my egregious wrongness in my Final Four forecast. You know, there's a reason why I teach English and Philosophy instead of breaking it down with Dan and Stu and Boomer on SportsCenter. But I'm always happy to see others laugh at my expense...

So with that in mind, here are some more wrongheaded predictions for this year in baseball. Remember kids, if you place any bets based on this column, then my friend Tuck has a couple bridges in his state you might be interested in. Oh, and I'm only picking the top three in each division; who cares about the bottom-feeders anyway?

NL EAST
1. Atlanta
2. New York Mets
3. Philadelphia

Atlanta Braves
Strengths: the smartest general manager in the modern era of baseball; starting pitching (what else?)
Weaknesses: perennial bridesmaids; the WORST bandwagon fans in the history of professional sports

New York Mets
Strengths: Pedro Martinez; a crazy owner who spends money like a drunken Steinbrenner
Weaknesses: given today's outcome, their bullpen, obviously

Philadelphia Phillies
Strengths: Jim Thome
Weaknesses: no longer have the steady, even-handed management of Larry Bowa to guide them.

NL Central
1. St. Louis
2. Cincinnati
3. Houston

St. Louis Cardinals
Strengths: Murderer's Row hitting lineup; starting pitching
Weaknesses: pressure of meeting expectations to win in last year in Busch Stadium

Cincinnati
Strengths: Ken Griffey Jr. in center field
Weaknesses: Ken Griffey Jr. on the disabled list

Houston
Strengths: starting pitching
Weaknesses: average age of starting lineup is older than ME

(Where are the Cubs? Screw them, they'll finish 5th behind Milwaukee. Deal with it.)

NL WEST
1. San Diego
2. Los Angeles
3. San Francisco

San Diego Padres
Strengths: good balance of pitching and hitting; veterans and up-and-comers
Weaknesses: surf's up, dude

Los Angeles Dodgers
Strengths: Eric Gagne
Weaknesses: lethargic fans; smog

San Francisco Giants
Strengths: Barry Bonds chasing home run history
Weaknesses: Barry Bonds, de-juiced, grounding weakly to second

Divisional Playoffs:
St. Louis over Los Angeles
Atlanta over San Diego

NL Championship:
St. Louis over Atlanta

next time: AL preview (not that I care...)