Okay, Sandlot fans, I'm finally back from extended labor in graphic design hell. In case you're wondering, I've been consumed with the complete redesign of our college catalog—all 128 pages of it. That little project ate up all my office time, so I've been bringing all my class work home, which means The Sandlot has been on extended hiatus...until now.
It's NCAA Tourney Time, baby!
I've created a group in ESPN.com's free "Tournament Challenge" game. You can enter up to five different brackets. Here are the easy steps to get started:
1) Go to www.espn.com and click on the "ESPN Tournament Challenge" icon near the top of the screen.
2) If you haven't already signed up for a free ESPN account, you'll have to do that; otherwise, sign in at the top of the screen.
3) Create and name your tournament entry. Don't join any "Default Groups" at this time.
4) Make your tournament selections.
5) After your picks have been submitted, click on the link that says "Create or Join a Group." Type in "Sandman's Sandlot" in the search box, click "Search," click on the "Sandman's Sandlot" name, then click on "Join This Group." You should see your entry name in the league list.
6) Sit back and wait to proclaim yourself "Master of Tournament Picks"—NOT!
7) Talk lots of smack.
Good luck!
Monday, March 13, 2006
Friday, February 10, 2006
A Bedtime Tiger Tale
Once upon a time there was a king named Norman. Norman was beloved by his subjects in the Kingdom of Columbia despite the fact that he was never as victorious as other kings. His people loved him, however, because he often defeated the foul birds of Lawrence and the invaders from east of the Great Archway.
Norman was growing old, however, and decided that he would rather spend his golden days privately enjoying a quieter life free of the burden of ruling. He turned his kingdom over to a handsome young prince who had grown wise in the shadow of the Great Duke. The prince had golden locks of curly hair that made the young maidens swoon as he walked into the Court of the Kingdom.
The prince pledged to his subjects that he would honor the tradition of King Norman, but his feats would be greater. His goal was to enter the realm of the Four Great Kingdoms and challenge the greatest of kings for supreme victory.
At first, the prince showed great promise. His men won great victories, and at one point, he even challenged his former master, the Great Duke, and almost defeated him, but alas, it was only "almost," and "almost" was all that the prince could accomplish.
As his men began to lose not only to the great kings but the lesser fiefdoms who should have been swatted away like flies, the prince heard the grumbling of his subjects. Desperate, he hired a mercenary from the West with a dark past. The Lords who governed the rules of the court decreed that the prince had to forfeit a portion of his treasure as retribution for his transgression. The mercenary turned on the prince and his knights, and the kingdom began to crumble.
The prince found that the most promising young squires in his kingdom were leaving the land to serve in the courts of other kings. The land under the Great Archway was closed to his searches for potential new knights, and only the lesser squires chose to serve the prince.
The prince experienced a humiliating defeat to the Eastern power, but successfully defeated the birds of Lawrence. The kingdom hoped that perhaps the prince would fulfill his promise. Alas, the end had already come. His knights refused to serve him any further on the court, and the subjects of the kingdom demanded his exile.
Despite his determination to keep fighting, the prince knew that his fate had already been sealed, and rather than face the executioner's axe, he chose to leave the kingdom. He left in sadness because the promise that he once showed had been so greatly dimished, yet he left determined to seek success in another kingdom, one in which he might perhaps remember the lessons that the Great Duke had taught him.
Meanwhile, in the Kingdom of Columbia, the subjects long for the golden days when King Norman was on the throne and wonder who the next prince might be. The kingdom is in a sad state of affairs, and it will take a ruler of strong will and mighty vision to restore the roar of the Tigers.
Norman was growing old, however, and decided that he would rather spend his golden days privately enjoying a quieter life free of the burden of ruling. He turned his kingdom over to a handsome young prince who had grown wise in the shadow of the Great Duke. The prince had golden locks of curly hair that made the young maidens swoon as he walked into the Court of the Kingdom.
The prince pledged to his subjects that he would honor the tradition of King Norman, but his feats would be greater. His goal was to enter the realm of the Four Great Kingdoms and challenge the greatest of kings for supreme victory.
At first, the prince showed great promise. His men won great victories, and at one point, he even challenged his former master, the Great Duke, and almost defeated him, but alas, it was only "almost," and "almost" was all that the prince could accomplish.
As his men began to lose not only to the great kings but the lesser fiefdoms who should have been swatted away like flies, the prince heard the grumbling of his subjects. Desperate, he hired a mercenary from the West with a dark past. The Lords who governed the rules of the court decreed that the prince had to forfeit a portion of his treasure as retribution for his transgression. The mercenary turned on the prince and his knights, and the kingdom began to crumble.
The prince found that the most promising young squires in his kingdom were leaving the land to serve in the courts of other kings. The land under the Great Archway was closed to his searches for potential new knights, and only the lesser squires chose to serve the prince.
The prince experienced a humiliating defeat to the Eastern power, but successfully defeated the birds of Lawrence. The kingdom hoped that perhaps the prince would fulfill his promise. Alas, the end had already come. His knights refused to serve him any further on the court, and the subjects of the kingdom demanded his exile.
Despite his determination to keep fighting, the prince knew that his fate had already been sealed, and rather than face the executioner's axe, he chose to leave the kingdom. He left in sadness because the promise that he once showed had been so greatly dimished, yet he left determined to seek success in another kingdom, one in which he might perhaps remember the lessons that the Great Duke had taught him.
Meanwhile, in the Kingdom of Columbia, the subjects long for the golden days when King Norman was on the throne and wonder who the next prince might be. The kingdom is in a sad state of affairs, and it will take a ruler of strong will and mighty vision to restore the roar of the Tigers.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
FORD means "Found On Road Dead"
Owners of professional sports often ingratiate themselves into the fabric of their team's identity, most notably George Steinbrenner in MLB and Mark Cuban in the NBA. But probably no sport is as reflective of their owner's personality than the NFL. The Oakland Raiders are Al Davis. The Washington Redskins have been up and down because of the extravagant spending and impatience of Daniel Snyder. The Pittsburgh Steelers' stability is a reflection of their owner, Dan Rooney. Even the Rams still feel the influence of the increasingly reclusive Georgia Frontiere.
The Minnesota Vikings stank for the period of the Mike Tice regime because former owner Red McCombs was a stupid nouveau-riche redneck Texan used car salesman who was trying to sell the team. Once he sold the Vikes to New Jersey real estate magnate Zygi Wilf, the team began to reflect his personality, culminating in the hiring of squeaky-clean drill sergeant Brad Childress to eliminate the police-blotter hijinks that have characterized the past few seasons in Minnesota. Class begets class; rednecks beget brain-dead coaches and players.
Which leads us to the Ford family in Detroit; yes, those Fords, those of the Edsel and the Pinto, just to name two. This is a family that supposedly knows something about running a business, but that philosophy includes competing with the Walton family for title of "cheapest billionaires on the planet." Ford just announced massive nationwide employee layoffs the week before the Superbowl festivities in Detroit at (you guessed it) Ford Field. How's that for brilliant PR?
But what indicates the absolute height of cheap football stupidity is the apparently collapsed deal to bring former Rams head coach Mike Martz to the Lions as their new offensive coordinator. Long-time readers know that I'm no Martz apologist; I've been calling for the Rams to sack him for a couple of years now, and I think it was, in fact, the right thing to do.
But the fact remains that Martz is perhaps the most brilliant offensive mind in the NFL, and Detroit's offense stinks in spite of the considerable weapons they possess. It's like having a hanger full of F-18s but no pilots to man them. But Joey Harrington's a bust, you say? Martz specializes in building NFL quarterbacks. He took three unknowns named Trent Green, Kurt Warner and Marc Bulger and made them into Pro Bowl caliber players. He could easily do the same with Harrington in his corps of talented receivers. New Lions head coach Rod Marinelli reportedly hit it off big-time with Martz and wants him as part of his staff, and Martz wants to come to Detroit and prove to everyone that he still has what it takes to succeed as an offensive mind.
So what's the problem? The Fords are too cheap to pay him. They want a Mustang, but they're only willing to pay for an Escort. How typical. Why are the Lions consistently one of the worst teams in the NFL? In this league, if you want to know why a team is good or bad, all you have to do is look up into the owner's box.
And if that doesn't convince you, I only have two words for you: Bill Bidwell.
The Minnesota Vikings stank for the period of the Mike Tice regime because former owner Red McCombs was a stupid nouveau-riche redneck Texan used car salesman who was trying to sell the team. Once he sold the Vikes to New Jersey real estate magnate Zygi Wilf, the team began to reflect his personality, culminating in the hiring of squeaky-clean drill sergeant Brad Childress to eliminate the police-blotter hijinks that have characterized the past few seasons in Minnesota. Class begets class; rednecks beget brain-dead coaches and players.
Which leads us to the Ford family in Detroit; yes, those Fords, those of the Edsel and the Pinto, just to name two. This is a family that supposedly knows something about running a business, but that philosophy includes competing with the Walton family for title of "cheapest billionaires on the planet." Ford just announced massive nationwide employee layoffs the week before the Superbowl festivities in Detroit at (you guessed it) Ford Field. How's that for brilliant PR?
But what indicates the absolute height of cheap football stupidity is the apparently collapsed deal to bring former Rams head coach Mike Martz to the Lions as their new offensive coordinator. Long-time readers know that I'm no Martz apologist; I've been calling for the Rams to sack him for a couple of years now, and I think it was, in fact, the right thing to do.
But the fact remains that Martz is perhaps the most brilliant offensive mind in the NFL, and Detroit's offense stinks in spite of the considerable weapons they possess. It's like having a hanger full of F-18s but no pilots to man them. But Joey Harrington's a bust, you say? Martz specializes in building NFL quarterbacks. He took three unknowns named Trent Green, Kurt Warner and Marc Bulger and made them into Pro Bowl caliber players. He could easily do the same with Harrington in his corps of talented receivers. New Lions head coach Rod Marinelli reportedly hit it off big-time with Martz and wants him as part of his staff, and Martz wants to come to Detroit and prove to everyone that he still has what it takes to succeed as an offensive mind.
So what's the problem? The Fords are too cheap to pay him. They want a Mustang, but they're only willing to pay for an Escort. How typical. Why are the Lions consistently one of the worst teams in the NFL? In this league, if you want to know why a team is good or bad, all you have to do is look up into the owner's box.
And if that doesn't convince you, I only have two words for you: Bill Bidwell.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
My Pre-Season Superbowl Picks
I'm not picking a winner for tomorrow's game, but since I'm not above getting a good laugh at my own expense, here's what I had to say about this year's Superbowl participants in my NFL preseason predictions:
Pittsburgh Steelers—With both running backs hurt and Ben Roethisberger poised to experience a sophomore slump, I can’t expect the Steelers to repeat another title run. (And now, Tuck will attempt to light my hair on fire...)
I picked the Ravens to win the AFC North, with the Bengals third. Doh!!!
Seattle Seahawks—The so-called experts like Seattle to win the division again this year. My question is why? They should have the helmet logo in the dictionary under "inconsistent."
I had the Rams picked to win the West. I am such a homer it's almost sickening.
Then there were my playoff picks...
NFC Division Winners:
Philadelphia
Atlanta
Minnesota
St. Louis
(all wrong!)
Wild Cards:
Carolina (correct)
Dallas (doh!)
AFC Playoff teams:
New England
Indianapolis
Baltimore
San Diego
(right on two)
Wild cards:
New York Jets (what?)
Houston (uh, I had just taken some cough medicine...)
Oh well, if you can't be right, at least be funny! I'm going to root for the Steelers, but I think it's just plain bad karma for them if I officially pick them to win, don't you?
Pittsburgh Steelers—With both running backs hurt and Ben Roethisberger poised to experience a sophomore slump, I can’t expect the Steelers to repeat another title run. (And now, Tuck will attempt to light my hair on fire...)
I picked the Ravens to win the AFC North, with the Bengals third. Doh!!!
Seattle Seahawks—The so-called experts like Seattle to win the division again this year. My question is why? They should have the helmet logo in the dictionary under "inconsistent."
I had the Rams picked to win the West. I am such a homer it's almost sickening.
Then there were my playoff picks...
NFC Division Winners:
Philadelphia
Atlanta
Minnesota
St. Louis
(all wrong!)
Wild Cards:
Carolina (correct)
Dallas (doh!)
AFC Playoff teams:
New England
Indianapolis
Baltimore
San Diego
(right on two)
Wild cards:
New York Jets (what?)
Houston (uh, I had just taken some cough medicine...)
Oh well, if you can't be right, at least be funny! I'm going to root for the Steelers, but I think it's just plain bad karma for them if I officially pick them to win, don't you?
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Okay, already, here's my conference champ picks...
AFC
Denver: Got lucky last week with favorable officiating and uncharacteristic Patriot mistakes and turnovers. Jake Plummer couldn't move their offense unless he was starting on the N.E. 30-yard line, and their defense didn't stop Tom Brady from moving the ball at will on them. If it wasn't for the turnovers, the Steelers would be in Foxboro this week instead of Mile High.
Pittsburgh: Beat Manning last week like they owned him, so who thinks they won't do more of the same against Plummer? Looks like Cowher's figured out what made Belichick so successful: NFL teams need to peak in January, not November.
Pick: Steelers 31, Broncos 27
NFC
Seattle: Won small against overmatched Washington team. League MVP coughs up ball on first series, then gets knocked out. I still don't believe in Matt Hasselback, and I'm really not all that impressed with what Seattle brings to the table.
Carolina: See comments above about peaking in January. Is anyone really playing any better than these guys? Note to other NFL coaches: the talent is all pretty much equal from team to team; it's all about game planning your own strengths and weaknesses against your opponents' strengths and weaknesses. The Colts lost last week because Dungy didn't game plan his team's weakness—their vulnerability to a 3-4 pressure defense—to Pittsburgh's strength, namely, the aforementioned 3-4 pressure defense. John Fox has game planned masterfully against both Tom Coughlin and Lovie Smith, and I think he's gonna clean Mike Holmgren's clock tomorrow night.
Pick: Carolina 38, Seattle 17
Denver: Got lucky last week with favorable officiating and uncharacteristic Patriot mistakes and turnovers. Jake Plummer couldn't move their offense unless he was starting on the N.E. 30-yard line, and their defense didn't stop Tom Brady from moving the ball at will on them. If it wasn't for the turnovers, the Steelers would be in Foxboro this week instead of Mile High.
Pittsburgh: Beat Manning last week like they owned him, so who thinks they won't do more of the same against Plummer? Looks like Cowher's figured out what made Belichick so successful: NFL teams need to peak in January, not November.
Pick: Steelers 31, Broncos 27
NFC
Seattle: Won small against overmatched Washington team. League MVP coughs up ball on first series, then gets knocked out. I still don't believe in Matt Hasselback, and I'm really not all that impressed with what Seattle brings to the table.
Carolina: See comments above about peaking in January. Is anyone really playing any better than these guys? Note to other NFL coaches: the talent is all pretty much equal from team to team; it's all about game planning your own strengths and weaknesses against your opponents' strengths and weaknesses. The Colts lost last week because Dungy didn't game plan his team's weakness—their vulnerability to a 3-4 pressure defense—to Pittsburgh's strength, namely, the aforementioned 3-4 pressure defense. John Fox has game planned masterfully against both Tom Coughlin and Lovie Smith, and I think he's gonna clean Mike Holmgren's clock tomorrow night.
Pick: Carolina 38, Seattle 17
Monday, January 16, 2006
Playoff Reflections for Future Implications (part one)
LOSERS
Washington Redskins
Great defense means that they are in a good position to make another playoff run next year, and Dan Snyder made one of the best moves of his ownership tenure (yeah, that's not saying much) by locking up DC Gregg Williams for three years (and probably to succeed Joe Gibbs). But they're not winning anything until they ratchet up their offensive firepower. Their challenge during the draft and free agency is to augment their running game, give their passing game more weapons and possibly upgrading their QB spot. Mark Brunell has played well this year, but he's almost as old as I am, and my 30s are rapidly evaporating. With an offensive upgrade, I would put Washington at the top of the NFC East next season.
New England Patriots
Well, why should I offer them any advice at all? Everyone knows they'll be back in the thick of things, and to be perfectly honest, if they didn't turn the ball over five times—almost unthinkable from this team, especially in the playoffs—then they're hosting the AFC title game in Foxboro instead of watching it on CBS with the rest of us. I don't really know how to explain it other than no other team has ever won three Superbowls in a row, so there you go.
Indianapolis Colts
I've got to switch to bullet points for this just to keep it all straight...
• Tony Dungy, please say hello to Tony LaRussa, Bobby Cox, Marty Schottenheimer, Daryl Sutter, Dusty Baker, Don Nelson and Art Howe. Welcome to the "Great regular season coaches with minimal postseason success who consistently tighten up and choke in the big game when it really counts." Here's your jacket, there's the buffet, we'll be happy to validate your parking.
• Peyton Manning: When you said your role model was Dan Marino, did you really mean Hall of Fame regular season statistics combined with an entire career of playoff futility and zero championships? Because that's who you are. I like you and I want you to win, but you are so not money, baby. You're not clutch. You are a choker. That's who you are. Don't be too discouraged—so was John Elway until they found him Terrell Davis. But you will never win a championship when it's upon your shoulders, because that is not who you are. When the pressure is at its highest, you are always at your worst. Sorry, but that's who you are.
• All teams must take note of this: You cannot stop playing for any amount of time in the NFL. You can't bench your starters and "rest" them. This causes rust, not rest. The Colts were unstoppable until they thought the games "didn't count." They would have crushed San Diego if that game had meant clinching home field, but since it didn't, they let up and let their season slip away. It was over way back then. In the NFL, you have to play every single game as if the entire season depends on it. Look at Pittsburgh and Carolina. Every one of their games for the past two months have been real must-wins, and they are tough, salty, mean, hungry and battle tested. They are also going to play each other in the Superbowl. Teams that have rested for a month, like Indy and Chicago, are also sitting next to me on the couch in the basement. End of lesson.
• To the Indy OC: You might want to figure out a way to stop the 3-4 pressure blitz defense, since every team you face next season is going to try to beat you this way. They will try it because it has worked for New England, San Diego and Pittsburgh. Until you can beat this defense effectively, you will continue to lose in the playoffs.
• A final word to Tony Dungy: God bless you, sir; I don't think I could have even gotten myself out of bed if I had gone through the personal tragedy that you have. No one should be too hard on Tony with this loss, but I sure wish his players had played better for him.
Chicago Bears
For God's sake, man, get an offensive coordinator with a little more imagination. Rex Grossman could actually be a decent QB with a little coaching (hello, Mike Martz?) and a game plan more creative than a) run up middle; b) run up middle; c) incomplete short pass; d) punt. Your defensive secondary also got exposed yesterday. You have to play better coverage than that when you can't get pressure on the QB. It might not kill you to blitz a little more, too, especially when your front line is getting handled. Don't take it too hard, though. It was a great, unexpected season that you can learn and grow from, and Carolina's going to win the NFC title this year, and you weren't going to be able to stop that; neither is Seattle.
Next time: Comments for divisional winners
Washington Redskins
Great defense means that they are in a good position to make another playoff run next year, and Dan Snyder made one of the best moves of his ownership tenure (yeah, that's not saying much) by locking up DC Gregg Williams for three years (and probably to succeed Joe Gibbs). But they're not winning anything until they ratchet up their offensive firepower. Their challenge during the draft and free agency is to augment their running game, give their passing game more weapons and possibly upgrading their QB spot. Mark Brunell has played well this year, but he's almost as old as I am, and my 30s are rapidly evaporating. With an offensive upgrade, I would put Washington at the top of the NFC East next season.
New England Patriots
Well, why should I offer them any advice at all? Everyone knows they'll be back in the thick of things, and to be perfectly honest, if they didn't turn the ball over five times—almost unthinkable from this team, especially in the playoffs—then they're hosting the AFC title game in Foxboro instead of watching it on CBS with the rest of us. I don't really know how to explain it other than no other team has ever won three Superbowls in a row, so there you go.
Indianapolis Colts
I've got to switch to bullet points for this just to keep it all straight...
• Tony Dungy, please say hello to Tony LaRussa, Bobby Cox, Marty Schottenheimer, Daryl Sutter, Dusty Baker, Don Nelson and Art Howe. Welcome to the "Great regular season coaches with minimal postseason success who consistently tighten up and choke in the big game when it really counts." Here's your jacket, there's the buffet, we'll be happy to validate your parking.
• Peyton Manning: When you said your role model was Dan Marino, did you really mean Hall of Fame regular season statistics combined with an entire career of playoff futility and zero championships? Because that's who you are. I like you and I want you to win, but you are so not money, baby. You're not clutch. You are a choker. That's who you are. Don't be too discouraged—so was John Elway until they found him Terrell Davis. But you will never win a championship when it's upon your shoulders, because that is not who you are. When the pressure is at its highest, you are always at your worst. Sorry, but that's who you are.
• All teams must take note of this: You cannot stop playing for any amount of time in the NFL. You can't bench your starters and "rest" them. This causes rust, not rest. The Colts were unstoppable until they thought the games "didn't count." They would have crushed San Diego if that game had meant clinching home field, but since it didn't, they let up and let their season slip away. It was over way back then. In the NFL, you have to play every single game as if the entire season depends on it. Look at Pittsburgh and Carolina. Every one of their games for the past two months have been real must-wins, and they are tough, salty, mean, hungry and battle tested. They are also going to play each other in the Superbowl. Teams that have rested for a month, like Indy and Chicago, are also sitting next to me on the couch in the basement. End of lesson.
• To the Indy OC: You might want to figure out a way to stop the 3-4 pressure blitz defense, since every team you face next season is going to try to beat you this way. They will try it because it has worked for New England, San Diego and Pittsburgh. Until you can beat this defense effectively, you will continue to lose in the playoffs.
• A final word to Tony Dungy: God bless you, sir; I don't think I could have even gotten myself out of bed if I had gone through the personal tragedy that you have. No one should be too hard on Tony with this loss, but I sure wish his players had played better for him.
Chicago Bears
For God's sake, man, get an offensive coordinator with a little more imagination. Rex Grossman could actually be a decent QB with a little coaching (hello, Mike Martz?) and a game plan more creative than a) run up middle; b) run up middle; c) incomplete short pass; d) punt. Your defensive secondary also got exposed yesterday. You have to play better coverage than that when you can't get pressure on the QB. It might not kill you to blitz a little more, too, especially when your front line is getting handled. Don't take it too hard, though. It was a great, unexpected season that you can learn and grow from, and Carolina's going to win the NFC title this year, and you weren't going to be able to stop that; neither is Seattle.
Next time: Comments for divisional winners
Saturday, January 14, 2006
At Last, the Long National Nightmare is Over
Denver 27, New England 13.
Ding, dong, the witch is dead!
Van Helsing has driven a wooden stake through the heart of Count Dracula.
The werewolf has been shot with a silver bullet.
Freddy Krueger has been cast out of our dreams; Jason Vorhees no longer stalks the summer camp; Michael Myers isn’t coming home again.
Sarah Connor has terminated the Terminator.
Tom Brady is mortal; Bill Belichick is human; the New England Patriots are out of the playoffs.
Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we are free at last.
Ding, dong, the witch is dead!
Van Helsing has driven a wooden stake through the heart of Count Dracula.
The werewolf has been shot with a silver bullet.
Freddy Krueger has been cast out of our dreams; Jason Vorhees no longer stalks the summer camp; Michael Myers isn’t coming home again.
Sarah Connor has terminated the Terminator.
Tom Brady is mortal; Bill Belichick is human; the New England Patriots are out of the playoffs.
Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we are free at last.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Sand Capsules
Youth Movement in Minnesota
Newly hired head coach Brad Childress didn't waste any time cleaning house on the Vikings coaching staff. His first order of business was sacking what was left of Mike Tice's staff. Second was hiring some young coordinators with limited experience but lots of apparent potential. First was Mike Tomlin, the secondary coach for Tampa, who will take over the defense by installing Tony Dungy's Cover-2 scheme. There's no denying the success of the system. The challenge will be in finding players with the right mix of speed and aggressiveness to make the system work. Tomlin will turn 34 later this year, making him the youngest coordinator in the NFL. Taking the role of offensive coordinator is former Packers QB coach Darrell Bevell, who is 36. Bevell was the Wisconsin Rose Bowl QB in 1994 when Childress was on staff with the Badgers, and he's been given the task of revitalizing the Vikings' formerly explosive offense. I like the atmosphere of youth and energy that Childress is creating at Winter Park. It's been clear since his first day on the job that no knuckleheads need apply any more at this organization. So far, so good, but now you have to go out and win games. Keep up the good work!
Low Prices Everyday (except in St. Louis)
Wal-Mart billionaire by virtue of marriage, Bill "Dude, my wife is a Wal-Mart heiress!" Laurie continues to fail miserably at hockey ownership, salesmanship and instilling ethical values in his children (yeah, it's a cheap shot, but I'm talking about hockey, right?). Once again, a prospective deal to sell the bloated and festering corpse of the Franchise Formerly Known as the St. Louis Blues has fallen through. In the meantime, the shell of a once-proud hockey team continues to get shelled by every team in the league. I expect for top-echelon teams to start bringing up minor-leaguers en masse to play St. Louis just to give the kids a taste of winning in the NHL, because the B-Lose couldn't beat a team from the Saskatchewan Bare-Knuckle Bar League right now. In the meantime, Bill "Did I mention my wife is just obscenely wealthy?" Laurie acts like the world's worst used car salesman. He's got what used to be a really nice car, workmanlike in some ways, but with some nice luxury features—GPS, CD/DVD, big V-8 engine. The only problem is that he's stripped off all the nice options and replaced them with leftovers from a 1979 Chevy Nova. The engine's cracked, the tires are bald and the body's covered with rust. And Bill "No, she's the Walton heiress" Laurie continues to ask for the original sticker price as if this junked out wreck just rolled off the assembly line, then complains when the buyer balks at the sticker price. I'll bet you anything that Sam Walton's last words were, "Don't let that dumbass who married my niece Nancy anywhere near the company." Too bad he ever got hold of the Blues.
Sutter finally gets his due
Two pieces of good baseball news: First, the Baseball Retards, I mean Writers of America finally elected dominating reliever Bruce Sutter to the Hall of Fame, and second, Sutter announced yesterday that he would go into the hall as a St. Louis Cardinal. Yeah, I know he won the Cy Young in Chicago, but he threw the final winning pitch from the mound at Busch Stadium to Darrell Porter in 1982, striking out Gorman Thomas to win the World Series. Whenever I think about Sutter, I think about Porter grabbing that third strike out of the air and racing to the mound to embrace Sutter. Bruce was the original modern closer, the guy who, when he came into the game, you'd just turn off the radio or the TV because the game was over. He was the final missing piece to Whitey Herzog's championship puzzle, and his entry to the Hall of Fame was long overdue. Sandlot contributor Tuck (go see his hockey blog, wouldya?) should have the good fortune to witness his entry in person later this year. (You lucky duck!)
The latest from the NBA...
Nah, I'm just messing with you. I couldn't care less about the NBA.
Bode Miller
So, people are upset and confused because a skier admitted that he has skied "wasted" before? Didn't any of these people see "Hot Dog: The Movie" back in the 1980s? I just assumed these people were always wasted.
Tomorrow: Your long-awaited NFL Divisional Playoff column
Newly hired head coach Brad Childress didn't waste any time cleaning house on the Vikings coaching staff. His first order of business was sacking what was left of Mike Tice's staff. Second was hiring some young coordinators with limited experience but lots of apparent potential. First was Mike Tomlin, the secondary coach for Tampa, who will take over the defense by installing Tony Dungy's Cover-2 scheme. There's no denying the success of the system. The challenge will be in finding players with the right mix of speed and aggressiveness to make the system work. Tomlin will turn 34 later this year, making him the youngest coordinator in the NFL. Taking the role of offensive coordinator is former Packers QB coach Darrell Bevell, who is 36. Bevell was the Wisconsin Rose Bowl QB in 1994 when Childress was on staff with the Badgers, and he's been given the task of revitalizing the Vikings' formerly explosive offense. I like the atmosphere of youth and energy that Childress is creating at Winter Park. It's been clear since his first day on the job that no knuckleheads need apply any more at this organization. So far, so good, but now you have to go out and win games. Keep up the good work!
Low Prices Everyday (except in St. Louis)
Wal-Mart billionaire by virtue of marriage, Bill "Dude, my wife is a Wal-Mart heiress!" Laurie continues to fail miserably at hockey ownership, salesmanship and instilling ethical values in his children (yeah, it's a cheap shot, but I'm talking about hockey, right?). Once again, a prospective deal to sell the bloated and festering corpse of the Franchise Formerly Known as the St. Louis Blues has fallen through. In the meantime, the shell of a once-proud hockey team continues to get shelled by every team in the league. I expect for top-echelon teams to start bringing up minor-leaguers en masse to play St. Louis just to give the kids a taste of winning in the NHL, because the B-Lose couldn't beat a team from the Saskatchewan Bare-Knuckle Bar League right now. In the meantime, Bill "Did I mention my wife is just obscenely wealthy?" Laurie acts like the world's worst used car salesman. He's got what used to be a really nice car, workmanlike in some ways, but with some nice luxury features—GPS, CD/DVD, big V-8 engine. The only problem is that he's stripped off all the nice options and replaced them with leftovers from a 1979 Chevy Nova. The engine's cracked, the tires are bald and the body's covered with rust. And Bill "No, she's the Walton heiress" Laurie continues to ask for the original sticker price as if this junked out wreck just rolled off the assembly line, then complains when the buyer balks at the sticker price. I'll bet you anything that Sam Walton's last words were, "Don't let that dumbass who married my niece Nancy anywhere near the company." Too bad he ever got hold of the Blues.
Sutter finally gets his due
Two pieces of good baseball news: First, the Baseball Retards, I mean Writers of America finally elected dominating reliever Bruce Sutter to the Hall of Fame, and second, Sutter announced yesterday that he would go into the hall as a St. Louis Cardinal. Yeah, I know he won the Cy Young in Chicago, but he threw the final winning pitch from the mound at Busch Stadium to Darrell Porter in 1982, striking out Gorman Thomas to win the World Series. Whenever I think about Sutter, I think about Porter grabbing that third strike out of the air and racing to the mound to embrace Sutter. Bruce was the original modern closer, the guy who, when he came into the game, you'd just turn off the radio or the TV because the game was over. He was the final missing piece to Whitey Herzog's championship puzzle, and his entry to the Hall of Fame was long overdue. Sandlot contributor Tuck (go see his hockey blog, wouldya?) should have the good fortune to witness his entry in person later this year. (You lucky duck!)
The latest from the NBA...
Nah, I'm just messing with you. I couldn't care less about the NBA.
Bode Miller
So, people are upset and confused because a skier admitted that he has skied "wasted" before? Didn't any of these people see "Hot Dog: The Movie" back in the 1980s? I just assumed these people were always wasted.
Tomorrow: Your long-awaited NFL Divisional Playoff column
Monday, January 09, 2006
Wild-Card Weekend Winners and Losers
Now that the NFL's Wild Card round is over, the divisional matchups for next weekend look quite interesting. I'll be breaking down the games individually throughout the week, but for today, I want to take a quick look at why the teams won and lost this past weekends' games.
Washington 17, Tampa Bay 10
Why Washington Won: Defense. It's not hard to understand why Washington gave defensive coordinator Gregg Williams a three-year contract extension to keep him out of this offseason's game of "Who Wants to be an NFL Head Coach?" The Redskins' D shut down Tampa's running game and forced inexperienced QB Chris Simms into making key mistakes.
Why Tampa Lost: Turnovers. When young QBs try to force the game, they often throw crushing interceptions, and Simms was no exception. I don't blame him for losing the whole game, because asking him to win it at this point was a little much, and he gave it his all, but experience counts for a lot in the playoffs.
New England 28, Jacksonville 3
Why New England won: Perfection. This team does not make mental or physical mistakes in the playoffs. You have to play a perfect game to beat them. The Patriots don't do anything that fancy on either side of the ball, but they do all the basic things extremely well, and they know what it takes to win. They are going to be very difficult to beat this year once again.
Why Jacksonville lost: Overrated. There's a reason why this team was a wild card, and why they lost twice to Indianapolis; they've got a talented defense and a promising young QB, but they are too inconsistent to be considered contenders yet at this level.
Carolina 23, New York Giants 0
Why Carolina Won: Defense. Just a crushing, dominating defensive scheme. The Giants couldn't run the ball at all Sunday, which put the game into Eli Manning's trembling hands. Game over.
Why New York Lost: Eli Manning. Four interceptions and one fumble. That says it all. You can't turn the ball over in the playoffs and expect to win the game. Eli looked like the rookie (in essence) that he is.
Pittsburgh 31, Cincinnati 17
Why Pittsburgh Won: Experience. Bill Cowher's been coaching the same team for 14 years for a good reason. When they were down 10-0 early and 17-7 before the half, no one in black and gold panicked. They continued to mix the power running game with timely, well-placed passes from Ben R., and their defense covered the Bengals' receivers so well that Jon Kitna was forced to run around like Fran Tarkenton in his career-ending game against Cleveland (the one where they finally broke his leg). Indy better find their mojo, and quick, 'cause the Steelers are coming to play.
Why Cincinnati Lost: Carson Palmer's knee. The Bengals had so much momentum going early, losing Palmer took a lot of the life out of the team. I'm not saying they would have won if he hadn't been injured, but it gave Pittsburgh both a physical and psychological advantage. Their own playoff inexperience also hurt; once the Steelers overtook them for the lead, they didn't know how to respond because they hadn't been here before. Experience counts for a lot in the NFL playoffs. We'll see that experience even more clearly this weekend.
Washington 17, Tampa Bay 10
Why Washington Won: Defense. It's not hard to understand why Washington gave defensive coordinator Gregg Williams a three-year contract extension to keep him out of this offseason's game of "Who Wants to be an NFL Head Coach?" The Redskins' D shut down Tampa's running game and forced inexperienced QB Chris Simms into making key mistakes.
Why Tampa Lost: Turnovers. When young QBs try to force the game, they often throw crushing interceptions, and Simms was no exception. I don't blame him for losing the whole game, because asking him to win it at this point was a little much, and he gave it his all, but experience counts for a lot in the playoffs.
New England 28, Jacksonville 3
Why New England won: Perfection. This team does not make mental or physical mistakes in the playoffs. You have to play a perfect game to beat them. The Patriots don't do anything that fancy on either side of the ball, but they do all the basic things extremely well, and they know what it takes to win. They are going to be very difficult to beat this year once again.
Why Jacksonville lost: Overrated. There's a reason why this team was a wild card, and why they lost twice to Indianapolis; they've got a talented defense and a promising young QB, but they are too inconsistent to be considered contenders yet at this level.
Carolina 23, New York Giants 0
Why Carolina Won: Defense. Just a crushing, dominating defensive scheme. The Giants couldn't run the ball at all Sunday, which put the game into Eli Manning's trembling hands. Game over.
Why New York Lost: Eli Manning. Four interceptions and one fumble. That says it all. You can't turn the ball over in the playoffs and expect to win the game. Eli looked like the rookie (in essence) that he is.
Pittsburgh 31, Cincinnati 17
Why Pittsburgh Won: Experience. Bill Cowher's been coaching the same team for 14 years for a good reason. When they were down 10-0 early and 17-7 before the half, no one in black and gold panicked. They continued to mix the power running game with timely, well-placed passes from Ben R., and their defense covered the Bengals' receivers so well that Jon Kitna was forced to run around like Fran Tarkenton in his career-ending game against Cleveland (the one where they finally broke his leg). Indy better find their mojo, and quick, 'cause the Steelers are coming to play.
Why Cincinnati Lost: Carson Palmer's knee. The Bengals had so much momentum going early, losing Palmer took a lot of the life out of the team. I'm not saying they would have won if he hadn't been injured, but it gave Pittsburgh both a physical and psychological advantage. Their own playoff inexperience also hurt; once the Steelers overtook them for the lead, they didn't know how to respond because they hadn't been here before. Experience counts for a lot in the NFL playoffs. We'll see that experience even more clearly this weekend.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Hey Brad, You Look Good in Purple
Now those of you who know me know that I’m always going to drink the purple Kool-Aid; it’s just part of being a Vikings fan. So you gotta know that I like their newest hire for head coach, former Philadelphia Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress.
I think Zygi Wilf hired him for one main reason, and that’s character. Zygi was determined to clean up the Vikings’ “dirty” image throughout the country, and it’s clear that Childress was the best candidate to do that, and I get the sense that he will. One thing that’s been lacking in Minnesota for years has been discipline, and I get the sense from Childress that he will not tolerate the extracurricular sex, drugs and Whizzinators that have landed the Vikings on the police reports and punchlines for ESPN personalities.
He’s also a meticulous, detail-oriented obsessive type, perfect for a head coach in the NFL. He’s also been part of a winning organization. The Eagles have been, up to this year, the premier NFC franchise, and Childress is a big reason for their success. He’s coached Donovan McNabb to big-time success, and he should have similar success with Daunte Culpepper. I don’t believe for a second that Childress or Wilf have any intention of trading Daunte, shredded knee or not.
So how will Childress do? Who knows? I want to see who the Vikes name their GM, then they’ve got to pull off the draft without looking like idiots for the fourth straight year. Hiring Childress early gives him time to build a quality supporting staff of assistant coaches. My main point is that I trust Zygi Wilf when he says he wants to build a first-class organization in terms of both championships and personal character, so if Childress is his guy, then pass me another glass of Kool-Aid, please.
Saturday’s Wild Card games
Washington at Tampa Bay
I like Washington in this. Brunell’s got playoff experience, Gibbs is a proven playoff winner, and Clinton Portis has been unstoppable running through defenses. The Washington defense should also play hard as a way of showing their appreciation for their D-coord Gregg Williams signing a three-year contract extension that keeps him out of St. Louis or another head coach suitor. I don’t like Chris Simms in a pressure situation, even if he is playing at home. I’m picking Washington by about six points.
Jacksonville at New England
I want the Jaguars to win this one more than anything, but we’re talking about #$%@&*! New England at home in the playoffs, so now we have to endure another week of hearing about Brady, Belicheck, Bruschi, Vinatieri, et. al., ad infinitum. I hope Denver beats them by three touchdowns next week.
I think Zygi Wilf hired him for one main reason, and that’s character. Zygi was determined to clean up the Vikings’ “dirty” image throughout the country, and it’s clear that Childress was the best candidate to do that, and I get the sense that he will. One thing that’s been lacking in Minnesota for years has been discipline, and I get the sense from Childress that he will not tolerate the extracurricular sex, drugs and Whizzinators that have landed the Vikings on the police reports and punchlines for ESPN personalities.
He’s also a meticulous, detail-oriented obsessive type, perfect for a head coach in the NFL. He’s also been part of a winning organization. The Eagles have been, up to this year, the premier NFC franchise, and Childress is a big reason for their success. He’s coached Donovan McNabb to big-time success, and he should have similar success with Daunte Culpepper. I don’t believe for a second that Childress or Wilf have any intention of trading Daunte, shredded knee or not.
So how will Childress do? Who knows? I want to see who the Vikes name their GM, then they’ve got to pull off the draft without looking like idiots for the fourth straight year. Hiring Childress early gives him time to build a quality supporting staff of assistant coaches. My main point is that I trust Zygi Wilf when he says he wants to build a first-class organization in terms of both championships and personal character, so if Childress is his guy, then pass me another glass of Kool-Aid, please.
Saturday’s Wild Card games
Washington at Tampa Bay
I like Washington in this. Brunell’s got playoff experience, Gibbs is a proven playoff winner, and Clinton Portis has been unstoppable running through defenses. The Washington defense should also play hard as a way of showing their appreciation for their D-coord Gregg Williams signing a three-year contract extension that keeps him out of St. Louis or another head coach suitor. I don’t like Chris Simms in a pressure situation, even if he is playing at home. I’m picking Washington by about six points.
Jacksonville at New England
I want the Jaguars to win this one more than anything, but we’re talking about #$%@&*! New England at home in the playoffs, so now we have to endure another week of hearing about Brady, Belicheck, Bruschi, Vinatieri, et. al., ad infinitum. I hope Denver beats them by three touchdowns next week.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
I See Dead Coaches
Well, my Christmas wish came late this year, but Mike Tice and Mike Martz were finally fired from the Minnesota Vikings and St. Louis Rams, respectively. In different situations, each of them could have found success, I think, but the nature of their positions sealed their individual fates, regardless of the circumstances of this season.
Tice was saddled with players brought in under Red "Dumb Texas Redneck" McCombs' regime of cheapness. Red ran the Vikings the same way you would a used car dealership (what a coincidence, right?) by purchasing cheap junk and dressing it up like something the public might consider buying, all the while lining his pockets with cash. That's why the team is so full of low-quality individuals, Brad Johnson notwithstanding. In a way, Tice was a bargain-basement coach, too, almost an afterthought after Denny Green was shown the exit. Tice did the best he could with the talent pool he had—no defense for the previous two years—and actually redeemed himself by helping the Vikings at least look respectable toward the end of the season.
The NFL, however, is the antithesis of the Bush Administration: those who oversee incompetence and malfeasance are held responsible and kicked to the sidewalk when all is said and done, because sports today is like politics used to be—the buck stops at the top. I don't blame Zygi Wilf for what he did, even if the ESPN talking heads are clucking their tongues about the rapid timing.
I expect that Tice will catch on somewhere as an assistant coach; possibly an offensive coordinator, but I think he would serve himself and another team better doing what he knows best, and that's coaching the offensive line. Most of the O-lines in the NFC were cover-your-eyes gawd-awful this season (especially in St. Louis, where the starting QB's number is a bullseye instead of a numeral), so he could make a real difference in improving a team's offensive fortunes. Houston needs an improved line to block for Reggie Bush, too.
Martz is another story completely. I was calling for his head last year after another season of underachieving, poor defense and Hall of Shame caliber special teams play. But this season, there was at least the potential for a turnaround. But once again, he refused to run a balanced offensive attack, then Bulger got hurt (again), then Martz went on the shelf with a heart ailment. During his illness, we all found out that the Rams front office looked more like an off-Broadway revival of Julius Caesar. All the backroom infighting is going to make this job less attractive to a strong personality. I'd like to see Rams president John Shaw fire VP Jay Zygmunt and GM Charley Armey as well and start fresh with a whole new crew, but I doubt that's going to happen.
Where will Martz land? I've heard Oakland mentioned, and Martz is certainly an NFL outlaw, but he's also remarkably undisciplined as a head coach, and Oakland is a mess in dire need of strong direction. Martz would be more ideally suited to once again follow in the footsteps of Dick Vermeil and take over in Kansas City. He knows the system, the personnel, and much of the coaching staff. It makes perfect sense, which is why it won't happen. He's also been rumored to be a candidate in Minnesota, and to say I would have mixed feelings about that is a gross understatement. I think Martz will get another head coaching job (and like Tice, Houston might be a good fit for him—young QB, talented receivers, best running back draft prospect in the past 20 years about to come on board), but if I was Martz's agent, I would call Lovie Smith and ask him if Chicago would like to hire him as offensive coordinator. I don't think that's going to happen, but that's just my opinion, and it's free of charge.
Who are the teams going to go with? I've heard Jim Fassel or possibly the Giants current defensive coordinator in Minnesota, which makes sense because Zygi's a Jersey guy with strong ties to the Giants. I think a defensive minded coach is the right way to go, for obvious reasons, but he also needs to be a coach with strong moral character to help improve the Vikings' PR image. For the Rams, there's only one guy I want—and it's no surprise to Sandlot readers—and that's Jeff Fisher from the Titans. I guess there has been some speculation as to whether the Titans are going to keep him after a poor 4-12 season, but even if they do, maybe he'd be willing to listen to an offer from the Rams. After that, I think Lovie Smith's defensive coordinator Ron Rivera might be the best man for the job. Whoever gets the job in either city has a lot of work ahead of him, but there's also a lot of potential there. After all, this is the NFL, where teams are always just 4-5 players away from going from worst to first.
Tice was saddled with players brought in under Red "Dumb Texas Redneck" McCombs' regime of cheapness. Red ran the Vikings the same way you would a used car dealership (what a coincidence, right?) by purchasing cheap junk and dressing it up like something the public might consider buying, all the while lining his pockets with cash. That's why the team is so full of low-quality individuals, Brad Johnson notwithstanding. In a way, Tice was a bargain-basement coach, too, almost an afterthought after Denny Green was shown the exit. Tice did the best he could with the talent pool he had—no defense for the previous two years—and actually redeemed himself by helping the Vikings at least look respectable toward the end of the season.
The NFL, however, is the antithesis of the Bush Administration: those who oversee incompetence and malfeasance are held responsible and kicked to the sidewalk when all is said and done, because sports today is like politics used to be—the buck stops at the top. I don't blame Zygi Wilf for what he did, even if the ESPN talking heads are clucking their tongues about the rapid timing.
I expect that Tice will catch on somewhere as an assistant coach; possibly an offensive coordinator, but I think he would serve himself and another team better doing what he knows best, and that's coaching the offensive line. Most of the O-lines in the NFC were cover-your-eyes gawd-awful this season (especially in St. Louis, where the starting QB's number is a bullseye instead of a numeral), so he could make a real difference in improving a team's offensive fortunes. Houston needs an improved line to block for Reggie Bush, too.
Martz is another story completely. I was calling for his head last year after another season of underachieving, poor defense and Hall of Shame caliber special teams play. But this season, there was at least the potential for a turnaround. But once again, he refused to run a balanced offensive attack, then Bulger got hurt (again), then Martz went on the shelf with a heart ailment. During his illness, we all found out that the Rams front office looked more like an off-Broadway revival of Julius Caesar. All the backroom infighting is going to make this job less attractive to a strong personality. I'd like to see Rams president John Shaw fire VP Jay Zygmunt and GM Charley Armey as well and start fresh with a whole new crew, but I doubt that's going to happen.
Where will Martz land? I've heard Oakland mentioned, and Martz is certainly an NFL outlaw, but he's also remarkably undisciplined as a head coach, and Oakland is a mess in dire need of strong direction. Martz would be more ideally suited to once again follow in the footsteps of Dick Vermeil and take over in Kansas City. He knows the system, the personnel, and much of the coaching staff. It makes perfect sense, which is why it won't happen. He's also been rumored to be a candidate in Minnesota, and to say I would have mixed feelings about that is a gross understatement. I think Martz will get another head coaching job (and like Tice, Houston might be a good fit for him—young QB, talented receivers, best running back draft prospect in the past 20 years about to come on board), but if I was Martz's agent, I would call Lovie Smith and ask him if Chicago would like to hire him as offensive coordinator. I don't think that's going to happen, but that's just my opinion, and it's free of charge.
Who are the teams going to go with? I've heard Jim Fassel or possibly the Giants current defensive coordinator in Minnesota, which makes sense because Zygi's a Jersey guy with strong ties to the Giants. I think a defensive minded coach is the right way to go, for obvious reasons, but he also needs to be a coach with strong moral character to help improve the Vikings' PR image. For the Rams, there's only one guy I want—and it's no surprise to Sandlot readers—and that's Jeff Fisher from the Titans. I guess there has been some speculation as to whether the Titans are going to keep him after a poor 4-12 season, but even if they do, maybe he'd be willing to listen to an offer from the Rams. After that, I think Lovie Smith's defensive coordinator Ron Rivera might be the best man for the job. Whoever gets the job in either city has a lot of work ahead of him, but there's also a lot of potential there. After all, this is the NFL, where teams are always just 4-5 players away from going from worst to first.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Wrapping Up the NFL Wrap-Up
Here’s the last of The Sandlot’s four-day NFL season wrap-up. We finish up with the AFC South and West divisions.
AFC South
Indianapolis Colts
For some reason, losing two meaningless games, including one on the road just days after head coach Tony Dungy’s son committed suicide, has caused all the so-called “experts” to dismiss Indy’s Superbowl chances. I guess winning 13 games in a row, including victories over playoff teams Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, New England and Jacksonville (twice), securing home field advantage where they haven’t lost a meaningful game in two years as well as having the most successful QB-to-WR combo in the history of the NFL doesn’t give you a fighting chance of winning the conference championship. Let me be very clear about this: Indy’s going to beat Arizona this weekend by at least four touchdowns, then they’re going to take a week off to get ready to beat Cincinnati by three touchdowns, then they’ll beat the winner of the Pittsburgh-Denver game decisively, then win the Superbowl in an absolute offensive barrage. Don’t believe the rest of the hype, suckers—the Colts are the champs in 2005.
Jacksonville Jaguars
Nice season. Good work. Don’t let Chad Johnson hit you in the butt on the way out of Cincinnati. Better luck next year, guys. You might also try to get put in a division that doesn’t include Indianapolis, because you’re looking a wild card berths at best for the next few years.
Tennessee Titans
I don’t think they’ll part ways with Jeff Fisher, even though I’ve been on record since the beginning of the season that I’d love to see him coaching the Rams next year, but everyone knew that this was a rebuilding year. What I think would be ideal is if they could draft a QB, then let Billy Volek take over the team with Steve McNair serving as #2, but more importantly, serving as Jedi Master to the freshly drafted padawan learner. We have to remember that the Titans were the youngest team in the league with an average age of 23, and since McNair’s like 54 years old, take him out and the average age is probably around 19. They’ll learn, and they’ll be back in the playoff discussion in a couple of years.
Houston Texans
This team is so bad, they’ll probably beat San Francisco and miss out on Reggie Bush. I don’t think Bush is going to help them much; they’ve got a competent QB in David Carr, but the poor guy has to play behind the worst offensive line in the league. Dom Capers should have coached himself out of any future employment, but some schmuck will probably hire him to run a defense or something similarly stupid. If they really want to win, they should trade the Bush pick for a host of linemen. Don’t be surprised if Mike Martz interviews for this job, too, especially if they draft and sign Rocket Reggie. If that happens, he’ll be the only decent Bush to ever come out of Houston.
AFC West
Denver Broncos
Yes, I know I’m the same guy who went on for weeks about how this team stunk. Hey, Bill Simmons gets paid to do this, and his season record is one game below .500, so you get what you get. The thing is, even if Denver gets past its first playoff game in the second round, who I think will be Pittsburgh, by the way, their reward will be their third consecutive playoff demolition in Indianapolis at the hands of the Colts. Anyone else confident of the phrase, “Jake Plummer, Superbowl QB?” Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Kansas City Chiefs
Things to love about the Chiefs: 1) Dick Vermeil; 2) Trent Green; 3) Larry Johnson; 4) Tony Gonzalez; 4) Arrowhead Stadium; 5) the fact that KC knocked the Chargers out of the playoffs last week, ensuring only one more week of listening to NFL “experts” fawn over a slightly above average team who’s not even going to the playoffs this year. Of course, there is one negative about that fact, and that’s missing out on Marty Schottenheimer’s annual playoff game ch...ch...cho...cho...choke!
San Diego
Sit down, shut up, go away.
Oakland Raiders
So, I guess Randy Moss wasn’t the answer after all, hmmm?
AFC South
Indianapolis Colts
For some reason, losing two meaningless games, including one on the road just days after head coach Tony Dungy’s son committed suicide, has caused all the so-called “experts” to dismiss Indy’s Superbowl chances. I guess winning 13 games in a row, including victories over playoff teams Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, New England and Jacksonville (twice), securing home field advantage where they haven’t lost a meaningful game in two years as well as having the most successful QB-to-WR combo in the history of the NFL doesn’t give you a fighting chance of winning the conference championship. Let me be very clear about this: Indy’s going to beat Arizona this weekend by at least four touchdowns, then they’re going to take a week off to get ready to beat Cincinnati by three touchdowns, then they’ll beat the winner of the Pittsburgh-Denver game decisively, then win the Superbowl in an absolute offensive barrage. Don’t believe the rest of the hype, suckers—the Colts are the champs in 2005.
Jacksonville Jaguars
Nice season. Good work. Don’t let Chad Johnson hit you in the butt on the way out of Cincinnati. Better luck next year, guys. You might also try to get put in a division that doesn’t include Indianapolis, because you’re looking a wild card berths at best for the next few years.
Tennessee Titans
I don’t think they’ll part ways with Jeff Fisher, even though I’ve been on record since the beginning of the season that I’d love to see him coaching the Rams next year, but everyone knew that this was a rebuilding year. What I think would be ideal is if they could draft a QB, then let Billy Volek take over the team with Steve McNair serving as #2, but more importantly, serving as Jedi Master to the freshly drafted padawan learner. We have to remember that the Titans were the youngest team in the league with an average age of 23, and since McNair’s like 54 years old, take him out and the average age is probably around 19. They’ll learn, and they’ll be back in the playoff discussion in a couple of years.
Houston Texans
This team is so bad, they’ll probably beat San Francisco and miss out on Reggie Bush. I don’t think Bush is going to help them much; they’ve got a competent QB in David Carr, but the poor guy has to play behind the worst offensive line in the league. Dom Capers should have coached himself out of any future employment, but some schmuck will probably hire him to run a defense or something similarly stupid. If they really want to win, they should trade the Bush pick for a host of linemen. Don’t be surprised if Mike Martz interviews for this job, too, especially if they draft and sign Rocket Reggie. If that happens, he’ll be the only decent Bush to ever come out of Houston.
AFC West
Denver Broncos
Yes, I know I’m the same guy who went on for weeks about how this team stunk. Hey, Bill Simmons gets paid to do this, and his season record is one game below .500, so you get what you get. The thing is, even if Denver gets past its first playoff game in the second round, who I think will be Pittsburgh, by the way, their reward will be their third consecutive playoff demolition in Indianapolis at the hands of the Colts. Anyone else confident of the phrase, “Jake Plummer, Superbowl QB?” Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Kansas City Chiefs
Things to love about the Chiefs: 1) Dick Vermeil; 2) Trent Green; 3) Larry Johnson; 4) Tony Gonzalez; 4) Arrowhead Stadium; 5) the fact that KC knocked the Chargers out of the playoffs last week, ensuring only one more week of listening to NFL “experts” fawn over a slightly above average team who’s not even going to the playoffs this year. Of course, there is one negative about that fact, and that’s missing out on Marty Schottenheimer’s annual playoff game ch...ch...cho...cho...choke!
San Diego
Sit down, shut up, go away.
Oakland Raiders
So, I guess Randy Moss wasn’t the answer after all, hmmm?
Thursday, December 29, 2005
NFL Wrap-Up Continues: The AFC East & North
Now we venture into the fierce territory where this year’s Superbowl champion lurks to its forthcoming ascent to glory, the American Football Conference. I’m so old that I remember when the NFC Championship was the real Superbowl and the AFC team was the sacrificial lamb for the big game. In fact, the NFC’s absolute dominance over the AFC in the 1980s and 1990s may have been the reason why the commercials, with their over-the-top humor, sex and spectacle, became more watchable than the games themselves. This dynamic has turned 180 degrees, however, where any of the six playoff participants in the AFC would be legitimate favorites to beat any NFC team that emerged. Today we’ll start with the East and the North, then finish with the other two divisions tomorrow.
AFC East
New England Patriots
Everyone’s getting all a-swoon with the sudden resurgence of the defending champs. I say, in the words of Winston Wolf, “Let’s not start [CENSORED] each other’s [CENSORED] just yet, gentlemen.” Let’s see who they’ve beaten during their four-game winning streak: Jets (3-12); Tampa Bay (Florida team playing in cold); Buffalo (5-10); Jets, again (3-12). They’ve dominated weak competition (especially in their own division) while losing games to quality teams. If they win this week and Cincinnati loses, if I’m interpreting NFL seeding rules correctly, they would get the #3 seed. Their reward? Hosting the red-hot Pittsburgh Steelers. If they get the #4 seed, they play Jacksonville (Florida team playing in cold weather. Either way, a wild-card win sends them either to Denver or Indianapolis for the divisional round. I’m not counting them out until they’re on the losing side of the score at the end of the fourth quarter, because these guys are money when it matters, but I’m not telling Bob Kraft to clear another space in the trophy case, either.
Miami Dolphins
Wow, this is the most interesting team that nobody at all is even discussing. First-year head coach Nick Saban tells the media that he’s punting the entire season in terms of wins and losses in favor of evaluating talent for next year, which was fodder for ESPN Radio for a good two weeks of hand-wringing. Since that time, they’ve won five in a row with a chance to finish with a top-eight record in the conference. Heck, if they were in the NFC, they’d be competing for a wild-card spot. Not to mention that wandering pothead Ricky Williams has run for more than 600 yards and five TDs in limited duty, including 172 last week against Tennessee. This team is going to the playoffs next year, and maybe the Superbowl year after next.
Buffalo Bills
This is the team that motivated me to stop engaging in weekly picks. Sandlot regular contributor Tuck explained it best: “Buffalo beats teams with weak run defense, loses to teams with strong run defense.” The Bills just lack any sort of personality—what are they? A running team? A passing team? A defensive team? Answer: A mediocre team that’s going nowhere anytime soon.
New York Jets
I know that many people, myself included, looked at the Jets’ run last year and thought 2005 was when they would take the next step to compete for a championship. Well, that hasn’t happened, obviously, and whether Herm Edwards stays or goes, it’s time to select “Restart” from the main menu and begin rebuilding a new team. Curtis Martin is long past his prime and should either retire or accept a limited role in the same way Marshall Faulk has in St. Louis, and they need to cut ties with Chad Pennington and find a new quarterback. May I suggest Brad Smith from Missouri? He’ll be available in the second or third round if they want to take a chance.
AFC North
Cincinnati Bengals
This is when we start talking about playoff experience. Marvin Lewis has it from his time with the Ravens, but this is his first time as the head coach. His talented but young team has virtually no experience with the NFL playoffs. You know what the playoffs are like? It’s like the difference from going to a small high school with a graduating class of less than 200 in which you were at the top of your class, lettered in four varsity sports, never had to do homework and got a big, fat scholarship to a big university. When you get to the big university, the work is ten time harder than you ever had, the reading volume is overwhelming, classes are huge, and everyone in them is just as smart or smarter than you. That’s the difference between regular season success (high school) and the playoffs (big sink-or-swim university). Can the Bengals handle the pressure and intensity? Their first-round foe will probably be Pittsburgh or perhaps Jacksonville. They are on the flip side of New England: they have to beat Kansas City, who’s still hanging on to playoff hopes, on the road in order to host a game against either Kansas City or Pittsburgh. KC doesn’t lose at home in December. Who would you rather play, the Steelers or the Jags? If I’m Marvin Lewis, I’m throwing in the towel this weekend. But will resting key players like Palmer and the Johnsons derail their momentum? I’m telling you, this is juicier than a daytime soap opera. Stay tuned...
Pittsburgh Steelers
This team’s nickname (and their QB’s) ought to be Lazarus. A juggernaut for the first ten weeks of the season, Big Ben gets hurt, they lose crushing games to Baltimore, Indy and Cincy, where they are all but left for dead in the playoff race as Jacksonville, San Diego and Kansas City all look poised to pull away. Ben’s got a bad knee and a broken thumb. Bettis looks like the mileage has finally broken down the bus. The formerly dominant secondary gets picked apart by Manning and Palmer. “Lazarus, come forth!” They dominate Chicago on the road, no less, expose Minnesota’s fraudulent resurgence, then annihilate Cleveland. Now all they have to do to get to the playoffs is beat Detroit at home in Pittsburgh. Can you say, “slam dunk”? If I were a gambler, I’d bet the house on this game. They’ll get either New England or Cincinnati next week in the wild card round, and at this point, I’m picking the Steelers to win either of those games.
Baltimore Ravens
So what’s up with this team? As I predicted earlier this week, Brian Billick’s staying put as the head coach for at least another year. Kyle Boller has emerged in the past 2-3 weeks as a legit QB and team leader. Tasmanian Devil Ray Lewis should be back from injury next year to solidify a defense that is still one of the most formidable in the league. Playing a schedule based on this year’s losing record—at least outside of the division, which will be just as tough next year—the Ravens have to get to the playoffs next year or else clean house; in my mind, with all things equal, they’ll be out of excuses.
Cleveland Browns
This was not Romeo Crennel’s team. Romeo Crennel won’t have his team for another two years. They need a quarterback and a running back. Again, may I suggest Missouri’s Brad Smith, even if you move him to RB? The defense will come together next year. The offense will need two years to come together. They will be improved next year, and a force to be reckoned with year after next. It’s to the credit of Cleveland’s ownership that they are not using Charlie Weis’s instant success at Notre Dame to hold against Romeo; it’s much harder to coach up an NFL team than it is a college team because the talent at the pro level is much higher and more equal. Little things like discipline and play execution make a much bigger difference in the college ranks, especially on the offensive side of the ball, where Weis resides. It takes more than that in the pros; it takes talent and time for a team to buy into a coach’s entire system, and Crennel’s just going to need the time to implement his.
Tomorrow: AFC South and West
AFC East
New England Patriots
Everyone’s getting all a-swoon with the sudden resurgence of the defending champs. I say, in the words of Winston Wolf, “Let’s not start [CENSORED] each other’s [CENSORED] just yet, gentlemen.” Let’s see who they’ve beaten during their four-game winning streak: Jets (3-12); Tampa Bay (Florida team playing in cold); Buffalo (5-10); Jets, again (3-12). They’ve dominated weak competition (especially in their own division) while losing games to quality teams. If they win this week and Cincinnati loses, if I’m interpreting NFL seeding rules correctly, they would get the #3 seed. Their reward? Hosting the red-hot Pittsburgh Steelers. If they get the #4 seed, they play Jacksonville (Florida team playing in cold weather. Either way, a wild-card win sends them either to Denver or Indianapolis for the divisional round. I’m not counting them out until they’re on the losing side of the score at the end of the fourth quarter, because these guys are money when it matters, but I’m not telling Bob Kraft to clear another space in the trophy case, either.
Miami Dolphins
Wow, this is the most interesting team that nobody at all is even discussing. First-year head coach Nick Saban tells the media that he’s punting the entire season in terms of wins and losses in favor of evaluating talent for next year, which was fodder for ESPN Radio for a good two weeks of hand-wringing. Since that time, they’ve won five in a row with a chance to finish with a top-eight record in the conference. Heck, if they were in the NFC, they’d be competing for a wild-card spot. Not to mention that wandering pothead Ricky Williams has run for more than 600 yards and five TDs in limited duty, including 172 last week against Tennessee. This team is going to the playoffs next year, and maybe the Superbowl year after next.
Buffalo Bills
This is the team that motivated me to stop engaging in weekly picks. Sandlot regular contributor Tuck explained it best: “Buffalo beats teams with weak run defense, loses to teams with strong run defense.” The Bills just lack any sort of personality—what are they? A running team? A passing team? A defensive team? Answer: A mediocre team that’s going nowhere anytime soon.
New York Jets
I know that many people, myself included, looked at the Jets’ run last year and thought 2005 was when they would take the next step to compete for a championship. Well, that hasn’t happened, obviously, and whether Herm Edwards stays or goes, it’s time to select “Restart” from the main menu and begin rebuilding a new team. Curtis Martin is long past his prime and should either retire or accept a limited role in the same way Marshall Faulk has in St. Louis, and they need to cut ties with Chad Pennington and find a new quarterback. May I suggest Brad Smith from Missouri? He’ll be available in the second or third round if they want to take a chance.
AFC North
Cincinnati Bengals
This is when we start talking about playoff experience. Marvin Lewis has it from his time with the Ravens, but this is his first time as the head coach. His talented but young team has virtually no experience with the NFL playoffs. You know what the playoffs are like? It’s like the difference from going to a small high school with a graduating class of less than 200 in which you were at the top of your class, lettered in four varsity sports, never had to do homework and got a big, fat scholarship to a big university. When you get to the big university, the work is ten time harder than you ever had, the reading volume is overwhelming, classes are huge, and everyone in them is just as smart or smarter than you. That’s the difference between regular season success (high school) and the playoffs (big sink-or-swim university). Can the Bengals handle the pressure and intensity? Their first-round foe will probably be Pittsburgh or perhaps Jacksonville. They are on the flip side of New England: they have to beat Kansas City, who’s still hanging on to playoff hopes, on the road in order to host a game against either Kansas City or Pittsburgh. KC doesn’t lose at home in December. Who would you rather play, the Steelers or the Jags? If I’m Marvin Lewis, I’m throwing in the towel this weekend. But will resting key players like Palmer and the Johnsons derail their momentum? I’m telling you, this is juicier than a daytime soap opera. Stay tuned...
Pittsburgh Steelers
This team’s nickname (and their QB’s) ought to be Lazarus. A juggernaut for the first ten weeks of the season, Big Ben gets hurt, they lose crushing games to Baltimore, Indy and Cincy, where they are all but left for dead in the playoff race as Jacksonville, San Diego and Kansas City all look poised to pull away. Ben’s got a bad knee and a broken thumb. Bettis looks like the mileage has finally broken down the bus. The formerly dominant secondary gets picked apart by Manning and Palmer. “Lazarus, come forth!” They dominate Chicago on the road, no less, expose Minnesota’s fraudulent resurgence, then annihilate Cleveland. Now all they have to do to get to the playoffs is beat Detroit at home in Pittsburgh. Can you say, “slam dunk”? If I were a gambler, I’d bet the house on this game. They’ll get either New England or Cincinnati next week in the wild card round, and at this point, I’m picking the Steelers to win either of those games.
Baltimore Ravens
So what’s up with this team? As I predicted earlier this week, Brian Billick’s staying put as the head coach for at least another year. Kyle Boller has emerged in the past 2-3 weeks as a legit QB and team leader. Tasmanian Devil Ray Lewis should be back from injury next year to solidify a defense that is still one of the most formidable in the league. Playing a schedule based on this year’s losing record—at least outside of the division, which will be just as tough next year—the Ravens have to get to the playoffs next year or else clean house; in my mind, with all things equal, they’ll be out of excuses.
Cleveland Browns
This was not Romeo Crennel’s team. Romeo Crennel won’t have his team for another two years. They need a quarterback and a running back. Again, may I suggest Missouri’s Brad Smith, even if you move him to RB? The defense will come together next year. The offense will need two years to come together. They will be improved next year, and a force to be reckoned with year after next. It’s to the credit of Cleveland’s ownership that they are not using Charlie Weis’s instant success at Notre Dame to hold against Romeo; it’s much harder to coach up an NFL team than it is a college team because the talent at the pro level is much higher and more equal. Little things like discipline and play execution make a much bigger difference in the college ranks, especially on the offensive side of the ball, where Weis resides. It takes more than that in the pros; it takes talent and time for a team to buy into a coach’s entire system, and Crennel’s just going to need the time to implement his.
Tomorrow: AFC South and West
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
NFL Season Recap: NFC South, East
Continuing with yesterday’s post looking at the NFL division by division as we wrap up the regular season and head into the playoffs, we continue with the rest of the NFC, where the playoff picture is even more complicated.
NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I didn’t think the Bucs had a chance to win with either Brian Griese or Chris Simms. Guess now you know why I teach English instead of working for a sports news organization. They’ve got the Ain’ts at home in Tampa this weekend, while Carolina has to win in Atlanta. I like Tampa to win the South and host a game wild-card weekend, and that’s about it, because if they win, they have to go to Chicago. No Florida team is winning at Soldier Field, and that’s that.
Carolina Panthers
They’ll probably beat Atlanta because they need to in order to secure a wild-card berth, and then they’ll play the NFC East champ, whom I expect to be the NY Giants. I don’t see them beating the G-Men in the Meadowlands in January. This is a team that has championship potential if they can only find some consistency from week to week in all aspects of their game, but especially in their offense. Jake Delhomme may be going to the Pro Bowl from the NFC, but he’d be no better than a backup on the AFC’s top eight teams. I don’t know if I want to hitch my wagon to that star.
Atlanta Falcons
Please, can we have enough of the “let Michael Vick be Michael Vick” talk? The fact of the matter is that Atlanta’s offensive scheme relies on a power running game combined with the West Coast passing scheme. The problem is that NFL defenses figured out how to stop the West Coast offense about ten years ago (someone tell Jim Mora, Jr., would you?), so all you have to do to stop their offense is plug the run up the middle and have cornerbacks keep Vick from running around the end, and that’s why the Falcons have been average this year. Vick needs a wide-open offensive scheme like the Colts, Chiefs, Rams and Vikings have used. A conservative offense allows D-coaches to scheme for Vick too much, plus they had to deal with a tougher schedule than last year combined with improved competition in their division. Better luck next year (or not, since you’re in Atlanta, the WORST SPORTS CITY IN AMERICA!!!)
NewOrleansNewJerseySanAntonioBatonRougeLosAngeles Saints
Memo to Paul Tagliabue, et. al., NFL offices
Re: Saints
1) Move team permanently to Los Angeles
2) Buy out Tom Benson and install less scuzzy ownership (see Red McCombs/Minnesota)
3) Fire Jim Haslett and entire coaching staff
4) Rename team “Rams”; send “Cardinals” mascot back to St. Louis; dissolve Arizona franchise and send former owner Bill Bidwell on “fact finding” mission to Iraq to see if “NFL Mideast” can catch on the same way “NFL Europe” has captured the imagination of sports fans in Hamburg, Amsterdam and Barcelona!
NFC East
New York Giants
I’ve said most of what I wanted to say in the “comments” box from yesterday’s post, so here it is again: “Elvis Grbac never had the arm that Eli Manning does. We have to remember that this is essentially his rookie year, since he didn't come in last year until the season was half over. In two years, Eli will be challenging his brother for league MVP honors. I agree that he makes poor decisions at times now, but the reason the Giants are a legitimate threat to win the NFC title have more to do with their defense and Tiki Barber (who should be in this year's MVP conversation) than Eli.” I’ll add that they should win on the road at Oakland to clinch the division and host the wild card next week.
Washington Redskins
I’m not sure about people who say the Redskins “came outta nowhere.” Huh? They have a Hall of Fame coach, a Pro Bowl caliber defense, a veteran QB with postseason experience and one of the best running backs in the league in Clinton Portis. So where’s the surprise? They will be Philadelphia this week to secure the second wild card spot...
Dallas Cowboys
...which leaves Dallas on the outside looking in. Good. I freaking HATE the Dallas Cowboys. I always have, all the way back to Tom Landry and his stupid hat and Staubach and Dorsett and Pearson to Jimmy & Jerry, Aikman, Emmitt, Irvin, to Parcell’s bunch of no-names and retreads. I love to watch Dallas lose. It would be nice to see a crappy bunch of losers like this year’s Rams put the final nail in the Cowboy’s playoff coffin.
Philadelphia Eagles
Mulligan. Tee it up fresh next year.
NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I didn’t think the Bucs had a chance to win with either Brian Griese or Chris Simms. Guess now you know why I teach English instead of working for a sports news organization. They’ve got the Ain’ts at home in Tampa this weekend, while Carolina has to win in Atlanta. I like Tampa to win the South and host a game wild-card weekend, and that’s about it, because if they win, they have to go to Chicago. No Florida team is winning at Soldier Field, and that’s that.
Carolina Panthers
They’ll probably beat Atlanta because they need to in order to secure a wild-card berth, and then they’ll play the NFC East champ, whom I expect to be the NY Giants. I don’t see them beating the G-Men in the Meadowlands in January. This is a team that has championship potential if they can only find some consistency from week to week in all aspects of their game, but especially in their offense. Jake Delhomme may be going to the Pro Bowl from the NFC, but he’d be no better than a backup on the AFC’s top eight teams. I don’t know if I want to hitch my wagon to that star.
Atlanta Falcons
Please, can we have enough of the “let Michael Vick be Michael Vick” talk? The fact of the matter is that Atlanta’s offensive scheme relies on a power running game combined with the West Coast passing scheme. The problem is that NFL defenses figured out how to stop the West Coast offense about ten years ago (someone tell Jim Mora, Jr., would you?), so all you have to do to stop their offense is plug the run up the middle and have cornerbacks keep Vick from running around the end, and that’s why the Falcons have been average this year. Vick needs a wide-open offensive scheme like the Colts, Chiefs, Rams and Vikings have used. A conservative offense allows D-coaches to scheme for Vick too much, plus they had to deal with a tougher schedule than last year combined with improved competition in their division. Better luck next year (or not, since you’re in Atlanta, the WORST SPORTS CITY IN AMERICA!!!)
NewOrleansNewJerseySanAntonioBatonRougeLosAngeles Saints
Memo to Paul Tagliabue, et. al., NFL offices
Re: Saints
1) Move team permanently to Los Angeles
2) Buy out Tom Benson and install less scuzzy ownership (see Red McCombs/Minnesota)
3) Fire Jim Haslett and entire coaching staff
4) Rename team “Rams”; send “Cardinals” mascot back to St. Louis; dissolve Arizona franchise and send former owner Bill Bidwell on “fact finding” mission to Iraq to see if “NFL Mideast” can catch on the same way “NFL Europe” has captured the imagination of sports fans in Hamburg, Amsterdam and Barcelona!
NFC East
New York Giants
I’ve said most of what I wanted to say in the “comments” box from yesterday’s post, so here it is again: “Elvis Grbac never had the arm that Eli Manning does. We have to remember that this is essentially his rookie year, since he didn't come in last year until the season was half over. In two years, Eli will be challenging his brother for league MVP honors. I agree that he makes poor decisions at times now, but the reason the Giants are a legitimate threat to win the NFC title have more to do with their defense and Tiki Barber (who should be in this year's MVP conversation) than Eli.” I’ll add that they should win on the road at Oakland to clinch the division and host the wild card next week.
Washington Redskins
I’m not sure about people who say the Redskins “came outta nowhere.” Huh? They have a Hall of Fame coach, a Pro Bowl caliber defense, a veteran QB with postseason experience and one of the best running backs in the league in Clinton Portis. So where’s the surprise? They will be Philadelphia this week to secure the second wild card spot...
Dallas Cowboys
...which leaves Dallas on the outside looking in. Good. I freaking HATE the Dallas Cowboys. I always have, all the way back to Tom Landry and his stupid hat and Staubach and Dorsett and Pearson to Jimmy & Jerry, Aikman, Emmitt, Irvin, to Parcell’s bunch of no-names and retreads. I love to watch Dallas lose. It would be nice to see a crappy bunch of losers like this year’s Rams put the final nail in the Cowboy’s playoff coffin.
Philadelphia Eagles
Mulligan. Tee it up fresh next year.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
NFL Season-End Wrap-Up
So, as we enter into the last week of the NFL’s regular season, let’s take a last look around some of the more interesting stories in the league. We’ll start close to my heart with the NFC West and NFC Central, then tackle two more divisions in the next few days leading up to the final playoff spots and speculation about what’s going to happen in the postseason.
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks
They finally took the next step, shrugging off all other pretenders in a weak, weak, weak NFC West, but also taking care of business in the NFC as a whole, tying up home field advantage throughout the playoffs. But has any other #1 seed been more suspect in the postseason since the Missouri basketball team got a #1 seed in the NCAA tourney a few years back? I can’t find anyone outside of the Pacific Northwest who’s a true believer. Nothing short of a conference title—and maybe even a Superbowl victory—will establish this team as legitimate. I think Chicago, New York, Washington, Carolina and Tampa can all have an honest chance at going to Seattle and beating the home team. We’ve got three or four weeks to wait and see, but so far, they’ve done everything they needed to do, and they deserve credit for that.
St. Louis Rams
An absolute disaster of a season, and rightly so. Injuries have depleted starters; the offensive line was far beyond offensive, and the defense is cover-your-eyes awful in every way, but especially against the run. Stephen Jackson looks lost on the field, they have no QB (Bulger’s hurt and apparently chronically fragile), Marshall Faulk is likely to retire depending on who gets hired to coach next year, and the front office is more dysfunctional than the cast of “Arrested Development.” A complete housecleaning, from top to bottom, is in order. This isn’t going to be a competitive team for another 2-3 years, if that.
Arizona Cardinals
Rumor from Bernie Miklasz of the StLPD says Denny Green’s interested in coaching the Rams if he can get out of his contract with Arizona. Two years after coming out of the broadcast booth to turn this disastrous franchise around, he’s ready to hit the “Eject” button. Kurt Warner couldn’t work miracles a second time around, and I’m hard pressed to believe that Jesus Christ himself could do anything to change the fortunes of this cursed franchise unless he first cast Bill Bidwell and his spawn out of the owner’s booth first. Bidwell’s living proof that not every wealthy American deserves their good fortune.
San Francisco 49ers
Frankly, I’ve always hated the Niners. I hated them when they sucked in the 1970s, I really hated them with the white-hot fury of 1,000 stars when they dominated in the 1980s, and I’m not even remotely close to even half-empty on my giant surplus silo of schadenfreude when it comes to the misfortunes of this sorry bunch of misfits. Hey, if it wasn’t for the Rams, they’d still be in the Reggie Bush sweepstakes. These guys lose even when they win, and I hope it lasts for at least the rest of the decade.
NFC Central
Chicago Bears
Come on, does anyone really believe Rex Grossman is going to take this team to the Superbowl, even with this kind of defense? What’s scary to think about is what this team will look like next year with what will surely be a revamped offense. No one else has mentioned this idea, so I think I’m the first to throw it out, but Mike Martz is only a few weeks away from looking for a job. Why not visit old friend Lovie Smith and ask him to return the favor you gave him a few years back. Now imagine Lovie’s Chicago defense with Martz’s psychotic offensive scheme. That’s scary!
Minnesota Vikings
Clean house, top to bottom. Everyone goes, from the GM to the towel boys. Hit the restart button and rebuild this franchise from the ground up. Keep Brad Johnson and Paul Edinger. Everyone else is expendable. Zygi Wilf will not tolerate this embarrassment for longer than one more week. Brad kept us from being a laughingstock, but even before the tough losses to Pittsburgh and Baltimore, no one really considered this team a playoff threat.
Detroit Lions
Fire Matt Millen. Until the Ford family does this, they’ll be stuck with a powder-blue Edsel for the foreseeable future.
Green Bay Packers
Brett Favre should circle the Hall of Fame induction date in 2011 and walk away, waving his hand with his Superbowl ring on it. After Favre leaves, they can set about scuttling this garbage scow and set about the business of rebuilding something resembling an NFL team.
Tomorrow: NFC South and East
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks
They finally took the next step, shrugging off all other pretenders in a weak, weak, weak NFC West, but also taking care of business in the NFC as a whole, tying up home field advantage throughout the playoffs. But has any other #1 seed been more suspect in the postseason since the Missouri basketball team got a #1 seed in the NCAA tourney a few years back? I can’t find anyone outside of the Pacific Northwest who’s a true believer. Nothing short of a conference title—and maybe even a Superbowl victory—will establish this team as legitimate. I think Chicago, New York, Washington, Carolina and Tampa can all have an honest chance at going to Seattle and beating the home team. We’ve got three or four weeks to wait and see, but so far, they’ve done everything they needed to do, and they deserve credit for that.
St. Louis Rams
An absolute disaster of a season, and rightly so. Injuries have depleted starters; the offensive line was far beyond offensive, and the defense is cover-your-eyes awful in every way, but especially against the run. Stephen Jackson looks lost on the field, they have no QB (Bulger’s hurt and apparently chronically fragile), Marshall Faulk is likely to retire depending on who gets hired to coach next year, and the front office is more dysfunctional than the cast of “Arrested Development.” A complete housecleaning, from top to bottom, is in order. This isn’t going to be a competitive team for another 2-3 years, if that.
Arizona Cardinals
Rumor from Bernie Miklasz of the StLPD says Denny Green’s interested in coaching the Rams if he can get out of his contract with Arizona. Two years after coming out of the broadcast booth to turn this disastrous franchise around, he’s ready to hit the “Eject” button. Kurt Warner couldn’t work miracles a second time around, and I’m hard pressed to believe that Jesus Christ himself could do anything to change the fortunes of this cursed franchise unless he first cast Bill Bidwell and his spawn out of the owner’s booth first. Bidwell’s living proof that not every wealthy American deserves their good fortune.
San Francisco 49ers
Frankly, I’ve always hated the Niners. I hated them when they sucked in the 1970s, I really hated them with the white-hot fury of 1,000 stars when they dominated in the 1980s, and I’m not even remotely close to even half-empty on my giant surplus silo of schadenfreude when it comes to the misfortunes of this sorry bunch of misfits. Hey, if it wasn’t for the Rams, they’d still be in the Reggie Bush sweepstakes. These guys lose even when they win, and I hope it lasts for at least the rest of the decade.
NFC Central
Chicago Bears
Come on, does anyone really believe Rex Grossman is going to take this team to the Superbowl, even with this kind of defense? What’s scary to think about is what this team will look like next year with what will surely be a revamped offense. No one else has mentioned this idea, so I think I’m the first to throw it out, but Mike Martz is only a few weeks away from looking for a job. Why not visit old friend Lovie Smith and ask him to return the favor you gave him a few years back. Now imagine Lovie’s Chicago defense with Martz’s psychotic offensive scheme. That’s scary!
Minnesota Vikings
Clean house, top to bottom. Everyone goes, from the GM to the towel boys. Hit the restart button and rebuild this franchise from the ground up. Keep Brad Johnson and Paul Edinger. Everyone else is expendable. Zygi Wilf will not tolerate this embarrassment for longer than one more week. Brad kept us from being a laughingstock, but even before the tough losses to Pittsburgh and Baltimore, no one really considered this team a playoff threat.
Detroit Lions
Fire Matt Millen. Until the Ford family does this, they’ll be stuck with a powder-blue Edsel for the foreseeable future.
Green Bay Packers
Brett Favre should circle the Hall of Fame induction date in 2011 and walk away, waving his hand with his Superbowl ring on it. After Favre leaves, they can set about scuttling this garbage scow and set about the business of rebuilding something resembling an NFL team.
Tomorrow: NFC South and East
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Homestretch
Just four fun-filled weeks left in the NFL until the playoffs start, so let's take a look at the league's version of musical chairs and see who's gonna get left out when the music starts.
NFC
Legitimate Contenders
Seattle Seahawks
They've already clinched the West and are making a strong push for home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. I've never believed in Holmgren's birds, but if they can secure home field, they've got a shot. Alexander looks like a top-three candidate for league MVP, Hasselbeck's making smart decisions, and the defense is opportunistic.
Carolina Panthers
They've been down, then up, then down for a couple of weeks, now back up again. I'd like to see some consistency out of this group, but right now I'd say they're the only team with a real chance of beating Seattle on the road in the playoffs
Thanks for the Nice Season and the Single Playoff Loss
New York Giants
Strong defense, scary weapons on offense, Captain Bligh getting it done coaching on the sidelines—so what's the problem? There's three of them, actually: 1) Eli Manning's still too inexperienced to get it done when it counts in a pressure situation; 2) WAY too many stupid penalties; 3) If Jay Feeley were a horse, Coughlin would have shot him, skinned him and sent him to the glue factory two weeks ago. You can't win in the playoffs without a reliable field goal kicker.
Chicago Bears
Scariest defense in the league combined with weakest, most anemic offense ever assembled. Defense wins championships? Not if you can't score at least 20 points in the playoffs. Dan Patrick on ESPN Radio reported on Dec. 6 that in the past ten years, only four teams have won a playoff game while scoring less than 20 points. Lovie, you're doing a great job—now return the favor to Mike Martz and hire him as your offensive coordinator for next year's Superbowl victory.
Tampa Bay Bucanneers
Anyone think Chris Simms is taking this team to a championship? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller...?
Nitroglycerene Teams
Dallas, Minnesota and Atlanta
I call them this because they might blow up on themselves before the end of the season and not even make it into the playoffs, but they could also run the rest of the table, get into the playoffs and upset a team or two. Strengths: Dallas has Parcells' smarts and experience; Minnesota has Brad Johnson playing the smartest QB in the league right now combined with an improved (and improving) defense; Atlanta has Michael Vick. Weaknessess: Dallas has Drew Bledsoe; Atlanta can't make up its mind how to best use Vick's multiple weapons; Minnesota—well, come on, this is the Vikings...
AFC
A League of Their Own
Indianapolis
I'd not only love to see them run the table, I'd like to see the Colts go out in the next three weeks against strong teams—Jacksonville, San Diego and Seattle—and just crush them. Wouldn't that make a huge statement about their supremecy going into the playoffs? As I've said throughout the season, the first goal is home field advantage, which still isn't certain yet, so they don't need to back off anytime soon.
Legitimate Contenders
Denver
Yeah, I know I thought they stunk at the beginning of the season, thanks mainly to their opening week stinker at Miami. Lesson: Never underestimate Mike Shanahan. He may not be the most sparkling personality in the world, but he gets the job done consistently season after season. The biggest question for Denver is whether Jake Plummer will help them win or lose in Indiapolis, where they have been crushed in their past two playoff games.
Jacksonville
If the Jags hand the Colts their first loss this weekend—a possibility, though not a probability, IMHO—they will build confidence for playoff success. I don't think they will be able to beat the Colts twice in one season, however, and certainly not in another game at Indy. Jax's defense remains impressive, but they have scoring problems regardless of which oversized QB is driving the car.
Cincinnati
I see the Bengals as the biggest threat to beating out Indy for the AFC title just because they are the only team who can keep up with Indy's pinball-machine offense in a scoring shootout. Chad "The Mouth" Johnson has all but guaranteed a Cincy victory over Indy for the Superbowl berth. If it's anything like the first game, it ought to be one of the most exciting games we've seen in a long time.
This Schedule's Some Kind of Sick Joke, Right?
San Diego and Kansas City
Both teams are legitimate playoff contenders, both have tough defenses, both have powerful running games and skilled quarterbacks. So what's the problem? Let's take a look at the next four games for each teams...
SD: Miami (tough defense), at Indy ('nuff said), at Kansas City (don't lose at home in December), Denver (division leader).
KC: at Dallas (nasty defense), at NY Giants (division leader), San Diego (see above), Cincinnati (also see above)
Both of these teams could make the playoffs, or both could fall short. Either way, it's unlikely that either one will get a first-week bye, so it's back-to-back road games after completing these equally brutal four-game schedules. Yikes! It's probably too much to overcome.
Not This Year
New England and Pittsburgh
NE will win the west by default, but they're a first-week loss to the wild-card team that will almost certainly have a better record than the Pats. I'm not even sure that Pittsburgh will make the playoffs at all. Big Ben is hurt, the running game is no longer dominating games, and the defense is giving up too many points and big plays. I don't see how they can overtake both SD and KC for the last wild card spot.
More playoff previews to come after this weekend's games!
NFC
Legitimate Contenders
Seattle Seahawks
They've already clinched the West and are making a strong push for home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. I've never believed in Holmgren's birds, but if they can secure home field, they've got a shot. Alexander looks like a top-three candidate for league MVP, Hasselbeck's making smart decisions, and the defense is opportunistic.
Carolina Panthers
They've been down, then up, then down for a couple of weeks, now back up again. I'd like to see some consistency out of this group, but right now I'd say they're the only team with a real chance of beating Seattle on the road in the playoffs
Thanks for the Nice Season and the Single Playoff Loss
New York Giants
Strong defense, scary weapons on offense, Captain Bligh getting it done coaching on the sidelines—so what's the problem? There's three of them, actually: 1) Eli Manning's still too inexperienced to get it done when it counts in a pressure situation; 2) WAY too many stupid penalties; 3) If Jay Feeley were a horse, Coughlin would have shot him, skinned him and sent him to the glue factory two weeks ago. You can't win in the playoffs without a reliable field goal kicker.
Chicago Bears
Scariest defense in the league combined with weakest, most anemic offense ever assembled. Defense wins championships? Not if you can't score at least 20 points in the playoffs. Dan Patrick on ESPN Radio reported on Dec. 6 that in the past ten years, only four teams have won a playoff game while scoring less than 20 points. Lovie, you're doing a great job—now return the favor to Mike Martz and hire him as your offensive coordinator for next year's Superbowl victory.
Tampa Bay Bucanneers
Anyone think Chris Simms is taking this team to a championship? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller...?
Nitroglycerene Teams
Dallas, Minnesota and Atlanta
I call them this because they might blow up on themselves before the end of the season and not even make it into the playoffs, but they could also run the rest of the table, get into the playoffs and upset a team or two. Strengths: Dallas has Parcells' smarts and experience; Minnesota has Brad Johnson playing the smartest QB in the league right now combined with an improved (and improving) defense; Atlanta has Michael Vick. Weaknessess: Dallas has Drew Bledsoe; Atlanta can't make up its mind how to best use Vick's multiple weapons; Minnesota—well, come on, this is the Vikings...
AFC
A League of Their Own
Indianapolis
I'd not only love to see them run the table, I'd like to see the Colts go out in the next three weeks against strong teams—Jacksonville, San Diego and Seattle—and just crush them. Wouldn't that make a huge statement about their supremecy going into the playoffs? As I've said throughout the season, the first goal is home field advantage, which still isn't certain yet, so they don't need to back off anytime soon.
Legitimate Contenders
Denver
Yeah, I know I thought they stunk at the beginning of the season, thanks mainly to their opening week stinker at Miami. Lesson: Never underestimate Mike Shanahan. He may not be the most sparkling personality in the world, but he gets the job done consistently season after season. The biggest question for Denver is whether Jake Plummer will help them win or lose in Indiapolis, where they have been crushed in their past two playoff games.
Jacksonville
If the Jags hand the Colts their first loss this weekend—a possibility, though not a probability, IMHO—they will build confidence for playoff success. I don't think they will be able to beat the Colts twice in one season, however, and certainly not in another game at Indy. Jax's defense remains impressive, but they have scoring problems regardless of which oversized QB is driving the car.
Cincinnati
I see the Bengals as the biggest threat to beating out Indy for the AFC title just because they are the only team who can keep up with Indy's pinball-machine offense in a scoring shootout. Chad "The Mouth" Johnson has all but guaranteed a Cincy victory over Indy for the Superbowl berth. If it's anything like the first game, it ought to be one of the most exciting games we've seen in a long time.
This Schedule's Some Kind of Sick Joke, Right?
San Diego and Kansas City
Both teams are legitimate playoff contenders, both have tough defenses, both have powerful running games and skilled quarterbacks. So what's the problem? Let's take a look at the next four games for each teams...
SD: Miami (tough defense), at Indy ('nuff said), at Kansas City (don't lose at home in December), Denver (division leader).
KC: at Dallas (nasty defense), at NY Giants (division leader), San Diego (see above), Cincinnati (also see above)
Both of these teams could make the playoffs, or both could fall short. Either way, it's unlikely that either one will get a first-week bye, so it's back-to-back road games after completing these equally brutal four-game schedules. Yikes! It's probably too much to overcome.
Not This Year
New England and Pittsburgh
NE will win the west by default, but they're a first-week loss to the wild-card team that will almost certainly have a better record than the Pats. I'm not even sure that Pittsburgh will make the playoffs at all. Big Ben is hurt, the running game is no longer dominating games, and the defense is giving up too many points and big plays. I don't see how they can overtake both SD and KC for the last wild card spot.
More playoff previews to come after this weekend's games!
Friday, November 11, 2005
NFL Week Ten: Separation
This is the week that the top teams begin to separate themselves from the pack. There are a whole lot of 6-2 and 5-3 teams that can cement their status as legit playoff contenders. At the same time, teams sitting at 4-4 or 3-5 are thinking about upsetting teams in the first group and setting themselves up for wild card competition or, in the weaker divisions, possibly a division title. I'll include the respective records with the teams this week to show these exact matchups and tell who I think will separate themselve, who will climb into the playoff picture, and who will begin seriously ranking next spring's college draft picks.
On a personal note, I want to send a shout-out of "Congratulations" to long-time friend and regular Sandlot contributor "Tuck" on the birth of his son this week. Mom and baby are doing fine, but Dad reportedly could use a stiff drink. Best wishes to Tuck and his whole family on the new addition. I couldn't be happier for you!
On to the picks...
Houston (1-7) at Indianapolis (8-0)
For Houston, the question is whether you keep David Carr or draft Matt Leinert if you manage to end up with the #1 pick in the draft. For Indy, it's how to avoid the post-Patriot letdown and how to stay focused week-to-week now that the talk is about "undefeated season." Tough games lie ahead next week at Cincy and the following Monday at home against the Steelers, who will be a much more telling test than the wounded Pats were last week.
Pick: Colts
Minnesota (3-5) at New York Giants (6-2)
This is about the worst possible game for the Vikings to face after an encouraging win at home against Detroit. Minnesota has always played horribly at the Meadowlands (remember the shellacking they took in the NFC title game a few years ago?), and Eli Manning and the vicious Giants defense look like juggernauts at home. This one's gonna be ugly. The Giants will find separation in the NFC East, while the Vikings will miss their chance to stay with the Bears in the NFC Central.
Pick: Giants
Baltimore (2-6) at Jacksonville (5-3)
What I don't understand about Baltimore is how their offense has remained consistently bad under Brian Billick, who was a masterful offensive coordinator at Minnesota. With the core of the Ravens defense out with injury, Jacksonville should be able to keep their wild card hopes alive, which is all they have, because they're not catching the Colts in their division. Billick might consider updating his resume; I hear there might be openings in St. Louis and Green Bay...
Pick: Jaguars
San Francisco (2-6) at Chicago (5-3)
How did SF win two games? Chicago finds separation in the NFC Central, but Lovie Smith better find an offense that can score more consistently if he has any hopes of getting past the wild card weekend in the playoffs. He should have signed Kurt Warner; he would have been a better fit in Chicago than Arizona.
Pick: Bears
Arizona (2-6) at Detroit (3-5)
I don't know where to go on this one. I don't like Joey Harrington at all, but Arizona's got serious offensive line problems, which have led directly to all their QB problems. Warner or McCown either one would have more success if they weren't getting hit like pinatas by opposing defenses. I suppose I should go with the home team, but my gut tells me that Arizona bounces back this week. Denny Green is well familiar with playing at Detroit, Warner thrives on playing indoors, and Joey Harrington is the worst QB in the NFL. Okay, I talked myself into it.
Pick: Cardinals
Kansas City (5-3) at Buffalo (3-5)
Wow, was that a great finish last week in the KC-Oakland game? I loved that Vermeil went for the win when it was all-or-nothing at the end. Part of that was the recognition that their defense hadn't stopped Oakland at all in the second half. But Buffalo has screwed me week in and week out with picks this season, so I'm taking Vermeil's guts and KC's momentum to keep them on pace in the AFC West, and for Buffalo to fall further behind New England.
Pick: Chiefs
New England (4-4) at Miami (3-5)
If New England loses this game, they could be in a potential three-way tie for the division lead with Miami and Buffalo (if the Bills win at home, which I don't think they will), and it will also mean the Pats will have suffered their first 3-game losing streak since—oh, I don't know, what, the days of Steve Grogan? Does anyone really think that Bill Belicheck is going to allow that to happen? I don't. This is do-or-die for New England. They will separate.
Pick: Patriots
Denver (6-2) at Oakland (3-5)
The more I see Denver play, the more inexplicable their opening-day trouncing at the hands of Miami becomes. Jake Plummer has actually become a smart QB as opposed to a dangerous gunslinger. In a bizarre way, he has become Brett Favre, and Brett has become like Jake Plummer—liable to win or lose games by taking spectacular risks. Oakland's gut-punching loss at KC last week should send them into a season-ending death spiral. Denver asserts dominance in the AFC West.
Pick: Broncos
New York Jets (2-6) at Carolina (6-2)
Carolina's everyone's darling right now for coming out of the NFC, and it's easy to see why. Every aspect of their team is clicking together right now; the only question is whether they can win on the road in the playoffs if they don't secure home field advantage, which is, as we all know, the name of the game in the NFL. The name of the game for the Jets, however, is "Let's draft a QB in 2006."
Pick: Panthers
Green Bay (1-7) at Atlanta (6-2)
Green Bay's dilemma is what to do with Brett Favre. Is is retiring after this season? Would he be willing to play, let's say half a season as a tutor to Matt Leinert? Atlanta must win as many games as they can to keep pace with Carolina for home field in the playoffs.
Pick: Atlanta
Washington (5-3) at Tampa Bay (5-3)
Perfect example of two teams going in different directions. Washington saved their season with a gut-check win over the wounded Eagles last week, while Tampa continues its death-spiral with the excreble Chris Simms filling in for much-missed (can you freakin' believe it?) Brian Griese. Mark Brunell should feel right at home back in the Florida sun.
Pick: Redskins
St. Louis (4-4) at Seattle (6-2)
Perfect example of a separation game. St. Louis has managed to get back to .500 despite a dismal start from their defense, Martz's illness and injuries to QB Marc Bulger and top two wideouts Bruce and Holt. Their running game, featuring Stephen Jackson, has Pro Bowl potential, their special teams are improving, and their defense is starting to gain traction. In spite of all these factors, they have to play on the road against division leaders Seattle, who have at times looked like Superbowl contenders; at other times, they've struggled to win games that should have been much easier. But now they look to gain separation in the division and keep pace with the elite in the conference. So who will prevail? Unfortunately for Rams fans (like me), Seattle is simply the better team this time around. A Rams win would put them just one game behind Seattle; a loss leaves them struggling in the wild card race. It's a must-win for both teams.
Pick: Seahawks
Cleveland (3-5) at Pittsburgh (6-2)
Funny, isn't it, how you've heard absolutely nothing about Romeo Crennel in his first year as head coach in Cleveland despite the dismal quality of their team. I guess all his success in New England has given him a free pass this year, similar to Marvin Lewis' tenure in Cincinnati. He'll probably have until his third year, as well, to produce results. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, is the only legitimate condtender left in the AFC to challenge Indy for the conference championship. They'll assert their power this week, even without Ben Rothlisberger.
Pick: Steelers
Dallas (5-3) at Philadelphia (4-4)
Another huge separation game. Can Dallas separate themselves from the other wild card contenders and try to keep pace with the Giants? Can Philly climb back into the playoff picture? This is what espn.com's Bill Simmons (a.k.a. "The Sports Guy") calls a "kitchen sink" game—a must-win game for the Eagles in which they will bring everything they have, including the kitchen sink, in order to win. McNabb's due to have a great game passing and running; he's got a giant chip on his shoulder to prove he can win without that loudmouth ex-wide receiver.
Pick: Eagles
On a personal note, I want to send a shout-out of "Congratulations" to long-time friend and regular Sandlot contributor "Tuck" on the birth of his son this week. Mom and baby are doing fine, but Dad reportedly could use a stiff drink. Best wishes to Tuck and his whole family on the new addition. I couldn't be happier for you!
On to the picks...
Houston (1-7) at Indianapolis (8-0)
For Houston, the question is whether you keep David Carr or draft Matt Leinert if you manage to end up with the #1 pick in the draft. For Indy, it's how to avoid the post-Patriot letdown and how to stay focused week-to-week now that the talk is about "undefeated season." Tough games lie ahead next week at Cincy and the following Monday at home against the Steelers, who will be a much more telling test than the wounded Pats were last week.
Pick: Colts
Minnesota (3-5) at New York Giants (6-2)
This is about the worst possible game for the Vikings to face after an encouraging win at home against Detroit. Minnesota has always played horribly at the Meadowlands (remember the shellacking they took in the NFC title game a few years ago?), and Eli Manning and the vicious Giants defense look like juggernauts at home. This one's gonna be ugly. The Giants will find separation in the NFC East, while the Vikings will miss their chance to stay with the Bears in the NFC Central.
Pick: Giants
Baltimore (2-6) at Jacksonville (5-3)
What I don't understand about Baltimore is how their offense has remained consistently bad under Brian Billick, who was a masterful offensive coordinator at Minnesota. With the core of the Ravens defense out with injury, Jacksonville should be able to keep their wild card hopes alive, which is all they have, because they're not catching the Colts in their division. Billick might consider updating his resume; I hear there might be openings in St. Louis and Green Bay...
Pick: Jaguars
San Francisco (2-6) at Chicago (5-3)
How did SF win two games? Chicago finds separation in the NFC Central, but Lovie Smith better find an offense that can score more consistently if he has any hopes of getting past the wild card weekend in the playoffs. He should have signed Kurt Warner; he would have been a better fit in Chicago than Arizona.
Pick: Bears
Arizona (2-6) at Detroit (3-5)
I don't know where to go on this one. I don't like Joey Harrington at all, but Arizona's got serious offensive line problems, which have led directly to all their QB problems. Warner or McCown either one would have more success if they weren't getting hit like pinatas by opposing defenses. I suppose I should go with the home team, but my gut tells me that Arizona bounces back this week. Denny Green is well familiar with playing at Detroit, Warner thrives on playing indoors, and Joey Harrington is the worst QB in the NFL. Okay, I talked myself into it.
Pick: Cardinals
Kansas City (5-3) at Buffalo (3-5)
Wow, was that a great finish last week in the KC-Oakland game? I loved that Vermeil went for the win when it was all-or-nothing at the end. Part of that was the recognition that their defense hadn't stopped Oakland at all in the second half. But Buffalo has screwed me week in and week out with picks this season, so I'm taking Vermeil's guts and KC's momentum to keep them on pace in the AFC West, and for Buffalo to fall further behind New England.
Pick: Chiefs
New England (4-4) at Miami (3-5)
If New England loses this game, they could be in a potential three-way tie for the division lead with Miami and Buffalo (if the Bills win at home, which I don't think they will), and it will also mean the Pats will have suffered their first 3-game losing streak since—oh, I don't know, what, the days of Steve Grogan? Does anyone really think that Bill Belicheck is going to allow that to happen? I don't. This is do-or-die for New England. They will separate.
Pick: Patriots
Denver (6-2) at Oakland (3-5)
The more I see Denver play, the more inexplicable their opening-day trouncing at the hands of Miami becomes. Jake Plummer has actually become a smart QB as opposed to a dangerous gunslinger. In a bizarre way, he has become Brett Favre, and Brett has become like Jake Plummer—liable to win or lose games by taking spectacular risks. Oakland's gut-punching loss at KC last week should send them into a season-ending death spiral. Denver asserts dominance in the AFC West.
Pick: Broncos
New York Jets (2-6) at Carolina (6-2)
Carolina's everyone's darling right now for coming out of the NFC, and it's easy to see why. Every aspect of their team is clicking together right now; the only question is whether they can win on the road in the playoffs if they don't secure home field advantage, which is, as we all know, the name of the game in the NFL. The name of the game for the Jets, however, is "Let's draft a QB in 2006."
Pick: Panthers
Green Bay (1-7) at Atlanta (6-2)
Green Bay's dilemma is what to do with Brett Favre. Is is retiring after this season? Would he be willing to play, let's say half a season as a tutor to Matt Leinert? Atlanta must win as many games as they can to keep pace with Carolina for home field in the playoffs.
Pick: Atlanta
Washington (5-3) at Tampa Bay (5-3)
Perfect example of two teams going in different directions. Washington saved their season with a gut-check win over the wounded Eagles last week, while Tampa continues its death-spiral with the excreble Chris Simms filling in for much-missed (can you freakin' believe it?) Brian Griese. Mark Brunell should feel right at home back in the Florida sun.
Pick: Redskins
St. Louis (4-4) at Seattle (6-2)
Perfect example of a separation game. St. Louis has managed to get back to .500 despite a dismal start from their defense, Martz's illness and injuries to QB Marc Bulger and top two wideouts Bruce and Holt. Their running game, featuring Stephen Jackson, has Pro Bowl potential, their special teams are improving, and their defense is starting to gain traction. In spite of all these factors, they have to play on the road against division leaders Seattle, who have at times looked like Superbowl contenders; at other times, they've struggled to win games that should have been much easier. But now they look to gain separation in the division and keep pace with the elite in the conference. So who will prevail? Unfortunately for Rams fans (like me), Seattle is simply the better team this time around. A Rams win would put them just one game behind Seattle; a loss leaves them struggling in the wild card race. It's a must-win for both teams.
Pick: Seahawks
Cleveland (3-5) at Pittsburgh (6-2)
Funny, isn't it, how you've heard absolutely nothing about Romeo Crennel in his first year as head coach in Cleveland despite the dismal quality of their team. I guess all his success in New England has given him a free pass this year, similar to Marvin Lewis' tenure in Cincinnati. He'll probably have until his third year, as well, to produce results. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, is the only legitimate condtender left in the AFC to challenge Indy for the conference championship. They'll assert their power this week, even without Ben Rothlisberger.
Pick: Steelers
Dallas (5-3) at Philadelphia (4-4)
Another huge separation game. Can Dallas separate themselves from the other wild card contenders and try to keep pace with the Giants? Can Philly climb back into the playoff picture? This is what espn.com's Bill Simmons (a.k.a. "The Sports Guy") calls a "kitchen sink" game—a must-win game for the Eagles in which they will bring everything they have, including the kitchen sink, in order to win. McNabb's due to have a great game passing and running; he's got a giant chip on his shoulder to prove he can win without that loudmouth ex-wide receiver.
Pick: Eagles
Sunday, November 06, 2005
NFL Week Nine Quick Picks
It's Sunday morning, and I'm rushing to make my picks for this afternoon's games. Honestly, I have no freaking idea about this week. I could go undefeated or I could look like W. Bush at an unscripted press conference. Well, here goes...
Detroit at Minnesota: Brad Johnson vs. Joey Harrington? Pick—Vikings
Oakland at Kansas City: Trent Green and the gang bounce back after a tough loss at San Diego. Pick—Chiefs
Atlanta at Miami: I've been burned three times already this season picking against Miami at home against good teams. Pick—Dolphins
Tennessee at Cleveland: If this were a college game, they'd call it the "whocares.com bowl." Pick—Titans
Carolina at Tampa Bay: These teams are moving in opposite directions, and Delhomme is miles better than Chris Simms. Pick—Panthers
Cincinnati at Baltimore: Maybe the Rams should think about interviewing the soon-to-be-available Brian Billick to succeed Mike Martz. Pick—Bengals
Houston at Jacksonville: No comment needed. Pick—Jaguars
San Diego at NY Jets: You can't win in the NFL without a QB, Herm Edwards. Pick—Chargers
NY Giants at San Francisco: You can't win in the NFL without a QB, Mike Nolan. Pick—Giants
Seattle at Arizona: You can't win in the NFL in Arizona, Dennis Green. Pick—Seahawks
Chicago at NewYorkBatonRougeSanAntonio: Tom Benson is pond scum. Pick—Da Bears
Pittsburgh at Green Bay: At least Cowher has the sense not to start Tommy Maddox. I think Favre could upset them, but I'm gonna trust the Pittsburgh defense today. Pick—Steelers
Philadelphia at Washington: Now that they've finally pushed the "eject" button on über-selfish team cancer Terrell Owens, the Eagles should come together with a big sigh of relief and a big game against the now-exposed Redskins. Pick—Eagles
Indianapolis at New England: Peyton Manning is Bill Belichick's bitch, and unless he can win this game, he always will be. That's too much pressure to overcome on the road. Pick—Patriots
Detroit at Minnesota: Brad Johnson vs. Joey Harrington? Pick—Vikings
Oakland at Kansas City: Trent Green and the gang bounce back after a tough loss at San Diego. Pick—Chiefs
Atlanta at Miami: I've been burned three times already this season picking against Miami at home against good teams. Pick—Dolphins
Tennessee at Cleveland: If this were a college game, they'd call it the "whocares.com bowl." Pick—Titans
Carolina at Tampa Bay: These teams are moving in opposite directions, and Delhomme is miles better than Chris Simms. Pick—Panthers
Cincinnati at Baltimore: Maybe the Rams should think about interviewing the soon-to-be-available Brian Billick to succeed Mike Martz. Pick—Bengals
Houston at Jacksonville: No comment needed. Pick—Jaguars
San Diego at NY Jets: You can't win in the NFL without a QB, Herm Edwards. Pick—Chargers
NY Giants at San Francisco: You can't win in the NFL without a QB, Mike Nolan. Pick—Giants
Seattle at Arizona: You can't win in the NFL in Arizona, Dennis Green. Pick—Seahawks
Chicago at NewYorkBatonRougeSanAntonio: Tom Benson is pond scum. Pick—Da Bears
Pittsburgh at Green Bay: At least Cowher has the sense not to start Tommy Maddox. I think Favre could upset them, but I'm gonna trust the Pittsburgh defense today. Pick—Steelers
Philadelphia at Washington: Now that they've finally pushed the "eject" button on über-selfish team cancer Terrell Owens, the Eagles should come together with a big sigh of relief and a big game against the now-exposed Redskins. Pick—Eagles
Indianapolis at New England: Peyton Manning is Bill Belichick's bitch, and unless he can win this game, he always will be. That's too much pressure to overcome on the road. Pick—Patriots
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Walt Jocketty for a Day
Why didn't the Cardinals beat the Astros? Easy—no hitting and a lousy bullpen, plus the fact that none of our pitchers are named "Roy Oswalt." There's no shame in losing to the best pitcher in baseball; it's just one of those things that happens. Fortunately, the Cardinals' problems are solveable, and if there's anything that we've learned from the past ten years, it's that Walt Jocketty gets the job done. I'm excited to see what he does over the winter and spring, but in the meantime, since it's close to Halloween, let's put on our WJ mask and pretend to play "Let's Make a Deal," baseball edition.
Pitching Staff
I keep Chris Carpenter and Mark Mulder, and I pencil in Anthony Reyes to make the big club during Spring training. I'd like to sign Matt Morris, but not for what the Yankees or Red Sox are liable to offer him, so good luck and goodbye. I'm trading Marquis and Suppan for spare parts, then using the money saved to sign Billy Wagner as my closer. If Izzy's still under contract, I'm trading him for a good setup man. They can trade every single arm in the bullpen as far as I'm concerned. They weren't worth a bucket of spit to us in the playoffs this year. My feelings about Izzy are well documented. We need a fireballer of the sort that when he comes into games, opposing fans turn off their televisions.
What about starters? It's hard to know at this point who will be available. My wish list starts in Florida, but those prices might be out of the Cardinals' range. It may sound crazy, but Randy Johnson might be available as a free agent. I know he's old, but Dave Duncan could probably get one more good year out of him.
So how's this for a starting rotation:
Chris Carpenter
Mark Mulder
Randy Johnson
A. J. Burnett
Anthony Reyes
That matches up a lot better against Houston or Chicago next season.
Infield
No changes, save one: keep Scott Rolen healthy at all costs. If an opposing player even brushes up gently beside him on the basepaths, that player gets a fastball between the shoulder blades the next time up at the plate. Pujols, Grudzielanek, Eckstein and Rolen give you solid defense and a good mix of speed, power and timely hitting. I'd like to see Grudz batting second rather than seventh, though. We need a good contact hitter to execute the hit-and-run with Eckstein leading off and getting on base, and Walker and Edmonds struck out too much for that.
Outfield
I would keep Jim Edmonds in center field. Sure, he can be infuriating at the plate, but he's gonna save you as many runs with his defense as he loses by not coming through at the plate. I'd rather see him hitting sixth rather than third at this point in his career. We need a right fielder to replace Walker, and though I wouldn't mind seeing Reggie Sanders return in left, we also need to remember that he'll be 38 years old next year, so grooming a replacement is necessary. Again, the free agent market and players available in trade will determine this to a great extent, and I'll comment on who's available when the list comes out. There are a lot of quality outfielders to be had, but protecting Pujols has to be our primary concern. And at the risk of causing Tuck's head to burst into flames, don't be surprised if Rick Ankiel has a big spring with the bat and ends up making the club.
Bench
I hope they can keep Taguchi and Nuñez, but beyond that, the bench turnover will probably be the same as it is every year. Walt and Tony like to have solid defensive replacements, and this year has shown that to be a wise course of action, but I still insist (as I did last year) that we need a BIG BAT off the bench who could also fill a DH position if and when we get back to the World Series.
Any ideas, Sandlotters?
Pitching Staff
I keep Chris Carpenter and Mark Mulder, and I pencil in Anthony Reyes to make the big club during Spring training. I'd like to sign Matt Morris, but not for what the Yankees or Red Sox are liable to offer him, so good luck and goodbye. I'm trading Marquis and Suppan for spare parts, then using the money saved to sign Billy Wagner as my closer. If Izzy's still under contract, I'm trading him for a good setup man. They can trade every single arm in the bullpen as far as I'm concerned. They weren't worth a bucket of spit to us in the playoffs this year. My feelings about Izzy are well documented. We need a fireballer of the sort that when he comes into games, opposing fans turn off their televisions.
What about starters? It's hard to know at this point who will be available. My wish list starts in Florida, but those prices might be out of the Cardinals' range. It may sound crazy, but Randy Johnson might be available as a free agent. I know he's old, but Dave Duncan could probably get one more good year out of him.
So how's this for a starting rotation:
Chris Carpenter
Mark Mulder
Randy Johnson
A. J. Burnett
Anthony Reyes
That matches up a lot better against Houston or Chicago next season.
Infield
No changes, save one: keep Scott Rolen healthy at all costs. If an opposing player even brushes up gently beside him on the basepaths, that player gets a fastball between the shoulder blades the next time up at the plate. Pujols, Grudzielanek, Eckstein and Rolen give you solid defense and a good mix of speed, power and timely hitting. I'd like to see Grudz batting second rather than seventh, though. We need a good contact hitter to execute the hit-and-run with Eckstein leading off and getting on base, and Walker and Edmonds struck out too much for that.
Outfield
I would keep Jim Edmonds in center field. Sure, he can be infuriating at the plate, but he's gonna save you as many runs with his defense as he loses by not coming through at the plate. I'd rather see him hitting sixth rather than third at this point in his career. We need a right fielder to replace Walker, and though I wouldn't mind seeing Reggie Sanders return in left, we also need to remember that he'll be 38 years old next year, so grooming a replacement is necessary. Again, the free agent market and players available in trade will determine this to a great extent, and I'll comment on who's available when the list comes out. There are a lot of quality outfielders to be had, but protecting Pujols has to be our primary concern. And at the risk of causing Tuck's head to burst into flames, don't be surprised if Rick Ankiel has a big spring with the bat and ends up making the club.
Bench
I hope they can keep Taguchi and Nuñez, but beyond that, the bench turnover will probably be the same as it is every year. Walt and Tony like to have solid defensive replacements, and this year has shown that to be a wise course of action, but I still insist (as I did last year) that we need a BIG BAT off the bench who could also fill a DH position if and when we get back to the World Series.
Any ideas, Sandlotters?
My Lame Excuse
The two previous weekends to this one just past, I have been out of town with family events and outings, so I've not been able to get caught up on grading essays for the college coursework I teach. As a result, I spent all of the past weekend getting caught up on grading. I'm planning to post later this afternoon, so thanks for your patience--I shall return!
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