Saturday, September 08, 2012

Playoff picks destined to be laughably wrong

NFC Playoffs
1. San Francisco
2. Atlanta
3. Chicago
4. Dallas
5. Green Bay
6. Carolina

Wild Card Games
Chicago over Carolina
Green Bay over Dallas

Divisional Games
Atlanta over Chicago
San Francisco over Green Bay

NFC Championship
San Francisco over Atlanta

AFC Playoffs
1. Baltimore
2. Houston
3. New England
4. Denver
5. Cincinnati
6. Buffalo

Wild Card Games
New England over Buffalo
Denver over Cincinnati

Divisional Games
Baltimore over Denver
Houston over New England

AFC Championship
Baltimore over Houston

Baltimore over San Francisco in the battle of the Harbaugh brothers

Friday, September 07, 2012

2012 NFL Preview: The American Football Conference

One of the reasons I'm really excited about this season is that it's the first real indication of team strength that we've seen in the NFL in three seasons. Last season was damaged due to the lockout, and the year before that, teams didn't make many moves due to uncertainty about the future collective bargaining agreement. So this year, we see which teams got better, which teams got old, and which teams are building for the future. This dynamic couldn't be any clearer than it is in the AFC.

I said, "I'm a giant douche bag!"
AFC East
1) New England Patriots (12-4)
2) Buffalo Bills (10-6)
3) New York Jets (7-9)
4) Miami Dolphins (2-14)

As long as Brady and Belichick are together, this is a playoff team, but everyone gets older. The Bills take another step forward, building on their potential from last year's surprising start. The Tebow circus in New York will more than likely usher loudmouth HC Rex Ryan out the door. Miami, like Tampa, features a professional [sic] football organization.

Are you sure? I thought the
Village People had a football player.

1) Baltimore Ravens (13-3)
2) Cincinnati Bengals (10-6)
3) Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7)
4) Cleveland Browns (5-11)

The Ravens need to take advantage of what is almost certainly the last hurrah of their Hall of Fame-bound veteran defenders. It's also time for Joe Flacco to take the same leap forward that Eli Manning did last year from game manager to clutch time leader. Also, his receivers need to HOLD ON TO THE DAMN BALL! Marvin Lewis will continue to overachieve with a Bengals team that will be better still than last year. My friends who are Steelers fans will hate me for saying this, but they are just getting too old, and Ben's health is a huge concern this season. Cleveland is, well, Cleveland, and that ain't good.

Nah, it doesn't make any more sense
when you turn it upside down.
1) Houston Texans (13-3)
2) Tennessee Titans (8-8)
3) Indianapolis Colts (4-12)
4) Jacksonville Jaguars (2-14)

If Matt Schaub can stay healthy, the Texans are my top pick to represent the AFC in the Superbowl this year. The Titans are still developing under Jake Locker; Andrew Luck will put up some great numbers, but the Colts are obviously still operating under the rebuilding paradigm. Jaguars players can look forward to shopping for real estate in southern California in a year or two. Blaine Gabbert would have done much better in Minnesota.

OW! MY NECK!! Sorry guys,
I was just messing with you!
1) Denver (10-6)
2) San Diego (9-7)
3) Oakland (8-8)
4) Kansas City (6-10)

Come on, would I ever pick against Peyton Manning? If they went 8-8 with Tebow, they should, at the very least, win the division. San Diego will keep spinning its wheels until they hire a new head coach. Oakland will continue to baffle us with potential that's never fulfilled (kind of like Carson Palmer's career), and sorry KC fans...I'm just not feeling any love for Romeo.

Tomorrow: Playoff picks destined to be laughably wrong.

Monday, September 03, 2012

2012 NFL Preview: The National Football Conference

Sing along with me..."It's the most wonderful tiiiiiime, of the yeeeeeeear!" This week marks the beginning of the new NFL season, that glorious time of hopes, dreams and new least until Tuesday morning, when 1/3 of the fan base realizes this year is going to just suuuuuuuck! Since my favorite teams are the Vikings, Rams, and Colts Broncos, I expect to be 200% disappointed in precisely one week. In the meantime, my guess is as good as yours as to how the NFC is going to shake out. Check back after Christmas in order to more effectively flame my stupidity.

1. Dallas (10-6)
2. NY Giants (9-7)
3. Philadelphia Eagles (7-9)
4. Washington Redskins (6-10)

Dallas has too much talent on both sides of the ball not to take a conference that will be down in terms of record due to Superbowl hangover and depletion of roster (Giants), age and injuries (Eagles) and rookie QB with mad skills but rookie experience ('Skins). It's the Cowboys by default...I think.

1. Chicago Bears (12-4)
2. Green Bay Packers (11-5)
3. Detroit Lions (10-6)
4. Minnesota Vikings (6-10)

This year is the year Jay Cutler finally stays healthy, stays upright, and puts together a division-winning season. Green Bay will fall victim to a suspect defense, the Lions will take a step back after finally crawling out of the basement, and the Vikings...well, at least they're getting a new stadium and won't be moving to Los Angeles.

1. Atlanta (12-4)
2. Carolina (10-6)
3. New Orleans (9-7)
4. Tampa Bay (5-11)

Matty Ice and the Dirty Birds are probably the most explosive offense in terms of both running and passing in the division, and head coach Mike Smith will have them back in the playoffs as a division winner. Cam Newton will propel the Panthers back into playoff contention and be part of the MVP discussion. New Orleans will play hard but eventually succumb to the devastation wrought by their bounty conviction. Tampa Bay still features a professional [sic] football organization.

1. San Francisco (13-3)
2. Seattle Seahawks (8-8)
3. St. Louis Rams (6-10)
4. Arizona Cardinals (3-13)

The Niners win this division by default, racking up six division wins just by showing up. The smartest thing this organization did since drafting Joe Montana was hiring Jim Harbaugh as their head coach. Seattle doesn't have an experienced QB at the helm, which will cost them 2-3 wins they could have had otherwise. The Rams will show improvement under the lash of new HC Jeff Fisher, and the Cardinals get to draft Matt Barkley out of USC. I mean, what could go wrong drafting a USC QB #1?

Later today (maybe) or this week (perhaps): AFC Preview