Detroit at Chicago
My pick: Bears 13, Lions 6
Actual score: Bears 38, Lions 6
Well, so I was half right, at least. With the rest of the NFC North sucking eggs this year, Chicago can win the division by default. Oh, how I wish we could have shipped Martz to Chicago and kept Lovie in St. Louis…
Minnesota at Cincinnati
My pick: Bengals 31, Vikings 17
Actual score: Bengals 37, Vikings 8
I realized, in horror, that my Yahoo fantasy football team had autodrafted Culpepper as my starting quarterback. I dropped him faster than the government can award a huge no-bid contract to Halliburton. Mike Tice’s firing I give an over/under of Week Six, and we might have to start thinking about winning the Matt Leinart sweepstakes in the next draft.
Baltimore at Tennessee
My pick: Ravens 17, Titans 9
Actual score: Titans 25, Ravens 10
This pick is my own fault for not realizing that Baltimore didn’t have a quarterback to start the game. Duh!
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
My pick: Colts 42, Jaguars 20
Actual score: Colts 10, Jaguars 3
Kudos to the Colts defense for actually winning a game that the offense couldn’t. Experts made a big deal about the Jags playing the Colts tough, and they were right in this case. Manning will have to make adjustments to win at Jacksonville later this year.
San Francisco at Philadelphia
My pick: Eagles 27, 49ers 16
Actual score: Eagles 42, 49ers 3
Wow, so much for the decline of the Eagles, huh? They regain their spot as the NFC favorite to go to the Superbowl.
Buffalo at Tampa Bay
My pick: Buccaneers 21, Bills 17
Actual score: Buccaneers 19, Bills 3
It’s bad news for the rest of the league that Tampa has re-established both their power running game and their stifling defense. Can we call it “Return of Chucky”?
New England at Carolina
My pick: Patriots 24, Panthers 10
Actual score: Panthers 27, Patriots 17
So Belichek and Brady are actually human? So their defense, without Tedi Bruschi in the middle, has trouble stopping the power running game? Carolina has just shown the rest of the league how to beat these guys. Let’s get busy!
Pittsburgh at Houston
My pick: Steelers 31, Texans 13
Actual score: Steelers 27, Texans 7
It’s about as close as I thought it would be, which was not at all. Teams looking for a defensive coordinator (hello, Minnesota?) should take note: Dom Capers will probably be available next year. As of now, the Steelers look like the top team in the AFC.
St. Louis at Arizona
My pick: Cardinals 34, Rams 20
Actual score: Rams 17, Cardinals 12
The Cardinals should have won this game long before the last-second drive that stalled. Martz wouldn’t stay committed to the run late when he needed to run out the clock. Instead, he relied on limp-armed, lame-brained Marc Bulger, who just seems freaking clueless about 70 percent of the time. If Green can give Warner some offensive line protection and cut down on the stupid mistakes, they can still compete in the weak NFC West. The Rams looked bad winning a game they probably should have lost, and almost did.
Atlanta at Seattle
My pick: Falcons 38, Seahawks 14
Actual score: Seahawks 21, Falcons 18
That heap broken down on the side of the road with two flat tires is the Atlanta bandwagon. Seattle’s not this good, but they made Atlanta look muy mal.
San Diego at Denver
My pick: Chargers 24, Broncos 14
Actual score: Broncos 20, Chargers 17
Does Drew Brees worry that he’ll arrive at the stadium to find Phillip Rivers parked in his space? He should.
Cleveland at Green Bay
My pick: Packers 20, Browns 10
Actual score: Browns 26, Packers 24
I mean, come on, Trent Dilfer does have a Superbowl ring, you know. Yeah, right. My only consolation this season (other than anticipating the firings of Martz and Tice) is the knowledge that the Packers are gonna suck as much as the Vikings. Uff-da!
Miami at New York Jets
My pick: Jets 24, Dolphins 21
My pick: Jets 17, Dolphins 7
I’m still not putting three plays worth of trust in Chad Pennington, though.
Kansas City at Oakland
My pick: Chiefs 31, Raiders 21
Actual score: Chiefs 23, Raiders 17
So if Randy Moss is All That, how come Oakland is 0-2? Kudos to Chiefs defense for getting it done when it counted. KC’s winning the AFC West (duh!).
MONDAY NIGHT DOUBLEHEADER
New Orleans at New York Giants
My pick: Giants 30, Saints 14
Actual score: Giants 27, Saints 10
Don’t fret, Saints fans—this week you get to play the Vikings!
Washington at Dallas
My pick: Cowboys 35, Redskins 13
Actual score: Redskins 14, Cowboys 13
I hate both these teams, so a tie would have been ever more satisfying. But since I hate Parcells worse than Gibbs, I’ll take the loss of what looked like a sure pick with the knowledge that Parcell’s ain’t getting any sleep until maybe Thursday night after coughing up what looked like a sure win at home. (insert Nelson Muntz sound fx: HAA-Ha!!)
This week: 9-7
Last week: 8-8
Season record: 17-15 (.531)