Friday, September 18, 2009

NFL Picks: Week Two

Week one was pretty good, although I felt like the fluke ending of Denver-Cincy and Arizona's receivers baffling inability to catch wide-open screen passes kept me from the 15-1 start I deserved. Week two is always tricky—we never know if week one was what to expect this season, overplaying (Kansas City) or slow start (Arizona). I feel confident about these picks, so it's probably feast or famine.

Update: Uhh, how can I describe my picks this Sunday? It was like when Andy Dufresne first met the "sisters" in the laundry at Shawshank State Penitentiary.

Carolina at Atlanta
These are two teams going in different directions. Atlanta has a great young quarterback, and up-and-coming coach and all kinds of good buzz. Carolina has a washed-up quarterback, a coach probably on the firing line and nothing but bad vibes.
Falcons 24, Panthers 13 (ATL 28, CAR 20)
Delhomme had a better week, but Atlanta is the top of that division now.

Minnesota at Detroit
Here’s the difference Brett Favre makes for Vikings fans—last year, we wondered if our quarterback was the reason we would lose the game. Now we know that Favre could, if needed, win a close game. With Peterson, Taylor and Harvin running the ball, the Vikes offense could be as effective as their defense.
Vikings 31, Lions 17 (MIN 27, DET 13)
Brett Favre had a QB rating of 115 this week. Suck it, monkeys!

Cincinnati at Green Bay
The Bengals need a hug after coughing up that game to Denver last week. You don’t need to travel to Lambeau Field after that kind of a loss.
Packers 35, Bengals 9 (CIN 31, GB 24)
Wait, I thought Aaron Rodgers was the football Jesus!

Houston at Tennessee
I would like it if someone could explain why Houston got an expansion franchise after the good team moved to Tennessee.
Titans 23, Texans 10 (HOU 34, TEN 31)
Would someone like to explain the mysterious disappearance of the Tennessee defense? Give credit to Houston QB Matt Schaub for a great game.

Oakland at Kansas City
Both of these teams played much better than anyone expected, but Baltimore is really good, and San Diego is overrated, so I’m going with the Chefs at home.
Chiefs 17, Raiders 14 (OAK 13, KC 10)
Note to self: Don't pick KC again.

New England at NY Jets
Why oh why do teams taunt the Patriots and make bold claims about imminent victory? You don’t poke a hungry bear with a stick…duh!
Patriots 38, Jets 20 (NYJ 16, NE 9)
Tom Brady is not 100% after knee surgery, just as Tiger Woods wasn't. It takes two years for the knee to be completely healthy. I'll call it now--Pats don't make the playoffs this year.

New Orleans at Philadelphia
With a healthy McNabb, this is a shootout. With Kevin Kolb making his first pro start and 83-year-old Jeff Garcia backing him up, I’m going with the New Orleans scoring machine.
Saints 30, Eagles 21 (NO 48, PHI 22)
No one in the league wants to try to defend against this Saints offense. Just terrifying.

St. Louis at Washington
I remember when the Rams were really, really good. That was awesome. This is not.
Skins 27, Rams 6 (WAS 9, STL 7)
Rams played hard again, but they just don't have enough playmakers. And Donnie Avery must coat his hands and arms with Crisco.

Arizona at Jacksonville
Kurt Warner wasn’t great last week, but he wasn’t helped by receivers who couldn’t catch water with a bucket. I don’t see them faring much better traveling to the East Coast to play a defensively tough Jags squad.
Jaguars 21, Cardinals 14 (ARZ 31, JAX 17)
Yeah, Kurt Warner's a hall of famer, and the Jags are D-O-N-E.

Seattle at San Francisco
After the beating they put on the Rams, I’m going to stick with Seattle until San Fran shows me something more consistent.
Seahawks 26, 49ers 19 (SF 23, SEA 10)
Okay, they showed me. The Vikings are in for a tough home opener next week. Hasslebeck's hurt again, so goodbye, Seattle.

Tampa Bay at Buffalo
Just for the sake of karma, Buffalo deserves this one.
Bills 24, Bucs 17 (BUF 33, TB 20)
Karma says, "Okay."

Pittsburgh at Chicago
No Polamalu is still better than no Urlacher.
Steelers 33, Bears 17 (CHI 17, PIT 14)
Jeff Reed misses two field goals? Am I cursed this week?

Cleveland at Denver
I think Cleveland’s better than Denver, but I also think Mile High is a huge home field advantage.
Broncos 16, Browns 12 (DEN 27, CLE 6)
Maybe Denver's better than we thought. Let's see them against a top team first.

Baltimore at San Diego
Folks, the Baltimore Ravens are for real this year. I currently have them ranked fourth in the AFC after Pittsburgh, Indy and New England. All the idiots drinking the “Chargers in the Superbowl” Kool-Aid need to remember three things: 1) LaDanian Tomlinson is over the hill; 2) Norv Turner is an idiot; 3) Phillip Rivers is a douche.
Ravens 38, Chargers 17 (BAL 31, SD 26)
Home field was good for an extra score for SD.

NY Giants at Dallas
I don’t usually do this, but SportsCenter tonight pointed out that the Giants are injured, Eli’s never won in Dallas, and Tony Romo is 4-0 over New York at home. I’ll give this one a shot, just once.
Cowboys 27, Giants 20 (NYG 33, DAL 31)
Eli Manning is one cool customer, and this is the last time I listen to ESPN.

Indianapolis at Miami
Hate the Anthony Gonzalez injury, but hey, it’s Indy. I don’t pick against my man crush.
Colts 20, Dolphins 13 (IND 27, MIA 23)
I think the defense is still taking IV fluids, though

This week: 8-8
Last week: 13-3
Season: 21-11 (.656)

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