Eye of the Tiger? Uhh...not quite yet.

I wasn't able to post at my promised weekend time because I was:
a) on vacation out of town
b) practicing with my band
c) watching movies with my kids
d) locked in the bathroom, head still in the toilet, in the aftermath of MU's Saturday night's "win" over Illinois.

It's a trick question. I did all those things this weekend. Those who have chosen to drink the MU Kool-Aid about winning the Big 12 and competing for a national championship only have to look at the teams ahead of us in the national polls. USC, Ohio State and Oklahoma all destroyed their competition in the opening week. Missouri? A gut-wrenching, nail-biting, cover-your-eyes almost awful collapse against obviously inferior competition.

Sure, the Mizzou offense put up 52 points. Guess what? It should have been at least 72 points. They had more three-and-outs in the second half than a quarter of St. Louis Rams possessions. The play calling was stupid and unimaginative. My nine-year-old son could have called better plays than that. They ran when they should have passed, passed when they should have run, and were totally predictable when it came to converting big third down plays.

I don't even want to write about the defense at the risk of making myself sick again. Where in the world was the secondary? Didn't someone remind Pinkel to recruit cornerbacks? The guy playing left corner looked like ME! That is, 40 years old, 255 pounds, creaky knees and SLOW! The Illinois receiver who caught all those second half TDs and gained about six miles in receiving yardage was a converted defensive back who had never caught a pass in a game until Mizzou's defense turned him into the second coming of Jerry Rice.

Good teams win, but great teams in college put their feet on the throat of their opponent and press down until all signs of life are gone. Missouri was up by 25 points late in the third quarter, but they let their feet up and acted like the game was already over. They didn't drop in most polls, but they didn't move up, either.

They have their home opener this weekend against tiny little Southeast Missouri State. Anything other than 77 to nothing isn't going to impress me at all. Maybe Mizzou still remembers what it was like to be on the losing end of a beatdown, but in the Darwinist world of college football, the winners are the merciless predators, not the cute and fuzzy stuffed animals.