Well, I started off the season pretty good last week at 13-3, though if I had gone with common sense and picked Pittsburgh and Jacksonville at home, it would have been 15-1. Sometimes you can just think these things through too much. Let's see how Week Two goes...
Carolina at Minnesota
It's clear what Brad Childress is trying to do—he's turning the Vikings into an NFC East team: determined running game that grinds you for four quarters, a possession-smart QB who doesn't make mistakes and a blitzing defense that keeps constant pressure on the opposition. On the flip side, Carolina has too many injuries to win in a Metrodome that should be completely geeked out to have something good to cheer about on the field again.
Vikings 24, Carolina 13
Give lots of credit to that Carolina defense, but the Vikings find a way to get it done at home. Next week's battle with Chicago is actually meaningful!
Vikings 16, Panthers 13 (OT)
Detroit at Chicago
I'm so encouraged to see Detroit players making promises they can't keep when they're only 0-1. This one's gonna get U-G-L-Y. Urlacher might actually decapitate Jon Kitna. Seriously.
Bears 31, Lions 3
Well, I was really close to calling this one on the money, wasn't I?
Bears 34, Lions 7
Houston at Indianapolis
So, let me get this straight. Houston execs say they drafted Mario Williams because it was more important to stop Peyton Manning than to score points? Suddenly the whole "George W. Bush, native of Houston, Texas" makes perfect sense.
Colts 41, Texans 10
This game was over at halftime; CBS cut away coverage in the second quarter when it was 27-3. The only reason Houston scored 24 is that Indy put their cheerleaders in on defense in the fourth quarter.
Colts 43, Texans 24
New Orleans at Green Bay
I'm so old, I remember when Green Bay was the joke of the league, just an awful team that had fond memories of the glorious championship days of the past. Hey, it turns out history does repeat itself, doesn't it?
Saints 24, Packers 14
Reports of the death of Brett Favre have been greatly exaggerated. Reports of the nonexistence of the Packers' defense, however, have not. It's hard to win when you can't stop the other team from scoring.
Saints 34, Packers 27
New York Giants at Philadelphia
Yeah, the Giants looked good at home against Indy, even though they lost, and Philly did play at Houston, but my gut tells me not to pick against Philly at home right now. Any of my readers with gambling problems, however, should avoid this game like the plague.
Eagles 24, Giants 21
The Eagles should be kicking each other in the butt tonight after pissing away a 17 point lead in the fourth quarter at home. Give the Giants credit for coming back, and Eli had a HUGE day, but this collapse was just inexplicable for an Andy Reid defense. Eagles fans: I suggest Jack Daniel's with dinner tonight.
Giants 30, Eagles 24 (OT)
Oakland at Baltimore
To all of my readers with gambling problems: This is your sure thing. (I am NOT advising anyone to gamble, of course, and you should keep in mind my frequent and persistant incorrectness.)
Ravens 48, Raiders 0
Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but Oakland is easily the worst team in the NFL.
Ravens 28, Raiders 6
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Turns out the heavy traffic in western Florida was me and all the other jumping off the TAMPA bandwagon. Go figure. Betcha wish you had gone ahead and taken Mike Vick when you had the chance to draft him in your fantasy league. Sucker!
Falcons 27, Bucanneers 17
I can't believe I predicted that Tampa would score two touchdowns. So what does Chucky do now, hit the "eject" button on Chris Simms? Did anyone think Tampa would really be this bad? BTW, Vick ran for more than 120 yards, fantasy geeks!
Falcons 14, Bucs 3
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Well, look at it this way...Bill Belicheck will probably give Romeo Crennel his old job back next year.
Bengals 38, Browns 9
So, how many Bengals fans are checking expedia.com for Miami area hotel reservations in early February, hmm?
Bengals 34, Browns 17
Buffalo at Miami
Okay, so Nick Saban's had almost two weeks to plan for his home opener after Culpepper spit up that game against Pittsburgh, and Buffalo just came off a gut-punch loss in an effort to upset the Pats? I smell rout.
Dolphins 35, Bills 13
Okay, the next time I pick Miami to win this year, someone send me an e-mail with these two words: "Daunte Culpepper." Thanks, I appreciate that. Could Buffalo be this year's surprise worst-to-first team? Not in their division, but they are no pushovers, that's for sure. Let's see what happens now that teams start taking them seriously.
Bills 16, Dolphins 6
Arizona at Seattle
I can't do it. I just can't. I'm sorry Kurt, you're my guy, and I'm pulling for you, but you're just not the Vikings or the Rams. No sucker picks for the Cardinals—I wasted too many years as a kid with your team for that.
Seahawks 24, Cardinals 17
This was about what I expected.
Seahawks 21, Cardinals 10
St. Louis at San Francisco
I kept hearing this line in my head last week after the Rams' stellar effort on defense. I can't quote it directly because my mom reads this, but it's in the third act of "Pulp Fiction" after Jules and Vincent clean up the car, and they, along with Jimmy and The Wolf are admiring their handiwork. They're all very excited until The Wolf reminds them, "Let's not start [kissing] each other's [mouths] just yet, gentlemen." I want to see the Rams beat the Niners on the road, especially since they didn't look that bad against Arizona last week. Expect the Rams offense to find their groove this week.
Rams 31, 49ers 13
Let's see, what did we have in this game? A crushing mistake on special teams coverage, wide open opposing receivers running untouched in a clueless Rams secondary, gaping running holes in the defensive line, crappy tackling, no pass rush, spotty play by a makeshift offensive line, inexplicable play calling, infuriatingly stupid penalties and a quarterback who acts like he just joined the club and met his teammates about an hour before gametime. Does that sound about right? It sure sounds like the Rams to me. This was a winnable game, even up until the end, but I don't have any faith whatsoever in Marc Bulger. As a matter of fact, I despise him. The good news is that as long as he can't execute Scott Linehan's offense (which is a good one—it worked great in Minnesota and Miami), this is probably his last year with the Rams. Until this offense gets going—and I have to see it before I'll predict it—I'm considering the Rams underdogs for the rest of the season.
49ers 20, Rams 13
Tennessee at San Diego
Do you think Jeff Fisher actually updates his resume on the sideline in between plays? I mean, because there's no way he can survive this disaster, right? Fisher's great, but he's just screwed with this team. They don't have any offense whatsoever. He might as well play Vince all the time. Hell, institute the option wishbone—it couldn't be any worse. Oh, and it's now about 16-17 weeks until Marty's annual playoff C-H-O-K-E.
Chargers 35, Titans 6
Don't get excited, guys...it's still Marty Schottenheimer, okay?
Chargers 40, Titans 7
Kansas City at Denver
Who's Damon Huard?
Broncos 38, Chiefs 16
Good grief, Jake Plummer has got to be sweating more than Albert Brooks in the anchor chair in "Broadcast News" about now. If I'm Jason Elam, I'm going to dinner tonight with Plummer's AmEx card. Oh, and Kansas City deserves Herm Edwards for the whole 1985 thing. No, I'm not going to get over it.
Broncos 9, Chiefs 6
New England at New York Jets
This is one of those games that I can think myself into circles over. See, Jets coach Eric Mangini was the Pats D-coord for Belicheck, so he knows the defense and knows how to attack it. But Belicheck knows what Mangini knows and that he knows it, so he's likely to do something different. Oh, screw it. Do I think the Jets will beat the Pats? Not bloody likely.
Patriots 23, Jets 17
It looked like the Pats were going to run away with this one, but the Jets made it a bit more interesting at the end. NE's 2-0, and probably 3-0 after getting Denver next week, but I'm certainly not afraid to play them if I'm one of the legit contenders in the AFC (Indy, Cincy, Pitt, Jax, SD).
Patriots 24, Jets 17 (oh, so close to perfect!)
Washington at Dallas
There's just no way on earth that Parcells is going to lose this game. Bledsoe's going to be on a shorter leash than a rabid pit bull. With no Clinton Portis, the 'Skins are bringing a knife to a gunfight.
Cowboys 30, Redskins 20
It should be clear to everyone by now that the NFC East was vastly overrated by most folks in the preseason. I think ten wins probably takes the division, and it looks like the Giants are the early favorite. Washington doesn't even look like an 8-8 team at this point, and Dallas is just average.
Cowboys 27, Redskins 10
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville
I'm just not going to pick against the Pittsburgh defense until I see someone with a legitimate chance to beat them. So far, I can't say that about anyone, especially a Jacksonville team that has serious injury problems on defense. It's close, but it's still the champs.
Steelers 24, Jaguars 21
Big Ben probably came back too early, but Chaz Batch wouldn't have beaten that defense last night, anyway. If Jacksonville can get their offense going, they have a legitimate shot at winning the AFC. Jack Del Rio is my early favorite for Coach of the Year.
Jags 9, Steelers 0
This week: 12-4
Last week: 13-3
Season: 13-3
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Rams Recap—Week One
I had this nagging sense all week that the Rams would upset the Broncos—I remembered Miami's trouncing of Denver in week one last year—but this game was much more of a nail-biter than it needed to be. All in all, I was happy with the results, and I think there are far more positives than negatives, especially considering they beat a team that finished 13-3 last year and was the runner-up in the powerful AFC.
Defense
The Good
Well, duh! Did anyone believe that with their personnel upgrades and leadership from defensive maniac Jim Haslett that they wouldn't be better? Well, maybe not this much better. I loved their blitz schemes; they never showed the same look twice, and Jake Plummer never knew where the next rusher was coming from. Leonard Little was like Nicholson in "The Shining"--relentless and unstoppable. The secondary made some HUGE picks when they had to, and they did a much better job stopping the run than anyone expected them to against Denver.
The Bad
Too many interference penalties on the secondary, for starters. I hate giving away first downs. They also gave up too many big runs from scrimmage; it's clear they miss having run-stopping strong safety Adam Archuleta as the last-resort in the middle. I'm sure Haslett will address that problem this week. The team was also visibly tired at the end of each half, although the offense was partly to blame for that.
Offense
The Good
They moved the ball up the field well for several drives, even though they did not score a TD. Ball control is the most important factor. Steven Jackson showed how strong a runner he is, moving a whole pile of defenders forward on several runs. The line protected Bulger reasonably well, and the receivers did their usual outstanding job--when they actually had a chance to catch the ball.
The Bad
Lack of red zone TD's was their biggest problem, obviously. Why is this? Lousy timing between Bulger and his receivers, lousy blocking by the o-line inside the ten, unimaginative play-calling by Scott Linehan--pick your poison. The good news? Offenses always look shaky in the first four weeks of the NFL season. It takes time for a precision offense to gel, and it also takes time for an o-line to develop a tough, run-blocking attitude. Look at Notre Dame's first week offense compared to how they played this past weekend against Penn State. I expect the same difference next week from the Rams offense.
Special Teams
The Good
Jeff Wilkins is so money, he knows he's money. Other than Adam Vinitieri (I still can't believe the Pats let him go, and to Indy, no less; watch and see how much they regret that), I wouldn't pick anyone other than Wilkins to kick. As far as kick coverage, they didn't give up the big play, which is all you ask of the coverage units.
The Bad
Other than a holding penalty that negated a good punt return, I have nothing bad to say about special teams, which is reason enough to be grateful that Mike Martz is languishing in the coaches' box in Detroit.
Defense
The Good
Well, duh! Did anyone believe that with their personnel upgrades and leadership from defensive maniac Jim Haslett that they wouldn't be better? Well, maybe not this much better. I loved their blitz schemes; they never showed the same look twice, and Jake Plummer never knew where the next rusher was coming from. Leonard Little was like Nicholson in "The Shining"--relentless and unstoppable. The secondary made some HUGE picks when they had to, and they did a much better job stopping the run than anyone expected them to against Denver.
The Bad
Too many interference penalties on the secondary, for starters. I hate giving away first downs. They also gave up too many big runs from scrimmage; it's clear they miss having run-stopping strong safety Adam Archuleta as the last-resort in the middle. I'm sure Haslett will address that problem this week. The team was also visibly tired at the end of each half, although the offense was partly to blame for that.
Offense
The Good
They moved the ball up the field well for several drives, even though they did not score a TD. Ball control is the most important factor. Steven Jackson showed how strong a runner he is, moving a whole pile of defenders forward on several runs. The line protected Bulger reasonably well, and the receivers did their usual outstanding job--when they actually had a chance to catch the ball.
The Bad
Lack of red zone TD's was their biggest problem, obviously. Why is this? Lousy timing between Bulger and his receivers, lousy blocking by the o-line inside the ten, unimaginative play-calling by Scott Linehan--pick your poison. The good news? Offenses always look shaky in the first four weeks of the NFL season. It takes time for a precision offense to gel, and it also takes time for an o-line to develop a tough, run-blocking attitude. Look at Notre Dame's first week offense compared to how they played this past weekend against Penn State. I expect the same difference next week from the Rams offense.
Special Teams
The Good
Jeff Wilkins is so money, he knows he's money. Other than Adam Vinitieri (I still can't believe the Pats let him go, and to Indy, no less; watch and see how much they regret that), I wouldn't pick anyone other than Wilkins to kick. As far as kick coverage, they didn't give up the big play, which is all you ask of the coverage units.
The Bad
Other than a holding penalty that negated a good punt return, I have nothing bad to say about special teams, which is reason enough to be grateful that Mike Martz is languishing in the coaches' box in Detroit.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
NFL Week One Picks
Bit of honesty to start off with--in my mind, I picked Miami to beat Pittsburgh, so I'm going into Sunday 0-1 for the season. Oh, well. Let's see what this season brings us. I hate picking before week four; you really have no idea what you're going to get until then. I'd probably do just as well by flipping a coin.
NY Jets at Tennessee
Just hope you don't have to watch this game on your local affiliate with nothing else to see. This is easily the worst game of the week, but since someone has to lose...
Jets 17, Titans 6
Philadephia at Houston
Philly's hoping for a comeback year, while Houston's got to prove to their fan base that picking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush wasn't the biggest mistake in NFL Draft history. I like McNabb much better than Carr
Eagles 20, Texans 10
Cincinnati at Kansas City
Cincy--highest powered offense in the league; Marvin Lewis-led defense. KC--oldest offense in the league; bad defense. LJ could run for 200 yards and it's not going to matter.
Bengals 42, Chiefs 17
Denver at St. Louis
I'm just stupid, but I'm going to pick the Rams, and here's why: Denver has a brewing QB controversy, no established running back and inflated expectations of success after last year. No one expects the Rams to do anything, but I've got a gut feeling that Scott Linehan and Jim Haslett were playing possum in the preseason. It will be close, but I'm taking the Rams in an upset. (Oh yeah, and I'm a total St. Louis homer. So sue me.)
Rams 24, Broncos 21
Atlanta at Carolina
Carolina's expectations are so huge, and combined with the absence of Steve Smith and the fact they lost last year's season opener at home to New Orleans, I'm picking the Vick's in a road upset.
Falcons 27, Panthers 23
Baltimore at Tampa Bay
People in the Tampa/St. Petersberg metro area will find it difficult to travel on the roads shortly after the game due to all the people jumping off the Ravens' bandwagon. Don't drive angry!
Bucs 24, Ravens 9
Buffalo at New England
Aww, come on...
Patriots 35, Bills 7
New Orleans at Cleveland
One team has no defense, the other has no offense. I'm picking Drew Brees and Reggie Bush over the Browns' D.
Saints 28, Browns 24
Seattle at Detroit
What makes you think Mike Martz will have any more luck beating Seattle this year than he did last year? Jon Kitna's no Marc Bulger, that's for sure. I also think Seattle's playing all season with a big chip on their shoulder.
Seahawks 31, Lions 17
San Francisco at Arizona
Kool-Aid? Big Red Kool-Aid? It's cheap! It's always been cheap! Have some! It's good!
Cardinals 33, 49ers 13
Chicago at Green Bay
Maybe Brett Favre can con the Packers' ownership into trading him to the Bears right before the game starts, because that would be the only way he wins this Sunday.
Bears 24, Packers 6
Dallas at Jacksonville
Dang it, I just don't like Jacksonville, even at home, especially against this version of Parcell's defense and you-know-who lighting up the Jax secondary. I think the Jags are overrated this year; look how they got exposed by the Pats last year in the playoffs. This one will be fun to watch if you like vicious defenses beating the crap out of each other.
Cowboys 20, Jaguars 14
Indianapolis at NY Giants
Look at it this way--if you really needed to win a game (at least in the regular season), who would you take, Peyton to Marvin Harrison or Eli to Jeremy Shockey? Yeah, me too. Besides, it should be clear that I couldn't be more of an Indy apologist if my last name were "Dungy."
Colts 31, Giants 20
Minnesota at Washington
There's no friggin' way I'm not going to pick the Vikings in the season opener. Cut me; I bleed purple.
Vikings 30, Redskins 24
San Diego at Oakland
Oakland sucks. Eat my shorts, Randy Moss.
Chargers 38, Raiders 7
Check back on Tuesday to see how I did!
NY Jets at Tennessee
Just hope you don't have to watch this game on your local affiliate with nothing else to see. This is easily the worst game of the week, but since someone has to lose...
Jets 17, Titans 6
Philadephia at Houston
Philly's hoping for a comeback year, while Houston's got to prove to their fan base that picking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush wasn't the biggest mistake in NFL Draft history. I like McNabb much better than Carr
Eagles 20, Texans 10
Cincinnati at Kansas City
Cincy--highest powered offense in the league; Marvin Lewis-led defense. KC--oldest offense in the league; bad defense. LJ could run for 200 yards and it's not going to matter.
Bengals 42, Chiefs 17
Denver at St. Louis
I'm just stupid, but I'm going to pick the Rams, and here's why: Denver has a brewing QB controversy, no established running back and inflated expectations of success after last year. No one expects the Rams to do anything, but I've got a gut feeling that Scott Linehan and Jim Haslett were playing possum in the preseason. It will be close, but I'm taking the Rams in an upset. (Oh yeah, and I'm a total St. Louis homer. So sue me.)
Rams 24, Broncos 21
Atlanta at Carolina
Carolina's expectations are so huge, and combined with the absence of Steve Smith and the fact they lost last year's season opener at home to New Orleans, I'm picking the Vick's in a road upset.
Falcons 27, Panthers 23
Baltimore at Tampa Bay
People in the Tampa/St. Petersberg metro area will find it difficult to travel on the roads shortly after the game due to all the people jumping off the Ravens' bandwagon. Don't drive angry!
Bucs 24, Ravens 9
Buffalo at New England
Aww, come on...
Patriots 35, Bills 7
New Orleans at Cleveland
One team has no defense, the other has no offense. I'm picking Drew Brees and Reggie Bush over the Browns' D.
Saints 28, Browns 24
Seattle at Detroit
What makes you think Mike Martz will have any more luck beating Seattle this year than he did last year? Jon Kitna's no Marc Bulger, that's for sure. I also think Seattle's playing all season with a big chip on their shoulder.
Seahawks 31, Lions 17
San Francisco at Arizona
Kool-Aid? Big Red Kool-Aid? It's cheap! It's always been cheap! Have some! It's good!
Cardinals 33, 49ers 13
Chicago at Green Bay
Maybe Brett Favre can con the Packers' ownership into trading him to the Bears right before the game starts, because that would be the only way he wins this Sunday.
Bears 24, Packers 6
Dallas at Jacksonville
Dang it, I just don't like Jacksonville, even at home, especially against this version of Parcell's defense and you-know-who lighting up the Jax secondary. I think the Jags are overrated this year; look how they got exposed by the Pats last year in the playoffs. This one will be fun to watch if you like vicious defenses beating the crap out of each other.
Cowboys 20, Jaguars 14
Indianapolis at NY Giants
Look at it this way--if you really needed to win a game (at least in the regular season), who would you take, Peyton to Marvin Harrison or Eli to Jeremy Shockey? Yeah, me too. Besides, it should be clear that I couldn't be more of an Indy apologist if my last name were "Dungy."
Colts 31, Giants 20
Minnesota at Washington
There's no friggin' way I'm not going to pick the Vikings in the season opener. Cut me; I bleed purple.
Vikings 30, Redskins 24
San Diego at Oakland
Oakland sucks. Eat my shorts, Randy Moss.
Chargers 38, Raiders 7
Check back on Tuesday to see how I did!
Friday, September 08, 2006
NFL 2006 Preview: Playoff Picks
Before I offer my playoff picks, I have to amend my Pittsburgh prediction from earlier in light of last night's game. Charlie Batch won't kill the team before Big Ben returns, and that defense is just nasty-awesome. I'm revising their record to 11-5. I still think Miami wins the AFC East—Culpepper will play better against lesser defenses; they almost won that game last night. Anyhoo, here are my playoff seeds, game matchup predictions and Superbowl pick. And yes, I'll be revising these at midseason when my wrongness is even more apparent. (Shuddup, shuttin'up, you!)
NFC Playoff Seeds
1. Seattle, 14-2 (West)
2. Carolina, 14-2 (South)
3. Dallas, 12-4 (East)
4. Chicago, 9-7 (North)
5. Atlanta, 12-4 (Wild Card)
6. NY Giants, 11-5 (Wild Card)
AFC Playoff Seeds
1. Indianapolis, 14-2 (South)
2. Miami, 13-3 (East)
3. Cincinnati, 12-4 (North)
4. San Diego, 12-4 (West)
5. Pittsburgh, 11-5 (Wild Card)
6. New England, 11-5 (Wild Card)
Wild Card Weekend
NFC
Dallas over NY Giants
Atlanta over Chicago
AFC
Cincinnati over New England
Pittsburgh over San Diego
Divisional Playoffs
NFC
Seattle over Atlanta
Carolina over Dallas
AFC
Indianapolis over Pittsburgh
Cincinnati over Miami
NFC Championship
Seattle over Carolina
AFC Championship
Indianapolis over Cincinnati
Superbowl XLI
Indianapolis over Seattle
Don't like the picks? Hit comments and show me what you got.
NFC Playoff Seeds
1. Seattle, 14-2 (West)
2. Carolina, 14-2 (South)
3. Dallas, 12-4 (East)
4. Chicago, 9-7 (North)
5. Atlanta, 12-4 (Wild Card)
6. NY Giants, 11-5 (Wild Card)
AFC Playoff Seeds
1. Indianapolis, 14-2 (South)
2. Miami, 13-3 (East)
3. Cincinnati, 12-4 (North)
4. San Diego, 12-4 (West)
5. Pittsburgh, 11-5 (Wild Card)
6. New England, 11-5 (Wild Card)
Wild Card Weekend
NFC
Dallas over NY Giants
Atlanta over Chicago
AFC
Cincinnati over New England
Pittsburgh over San Diego
Divisional Playoffs
NFC
Seattle over Atlanta
Carolina over Dallas
AFC
Indianapolis over Pittsburgh
Cincinnati over Miami
NFC Championship
Seattle over Carolina
AFC Championship
Indianapolis over Cincinnati
Superbowl XLI
Indianapolis over Seattle
Don't like the picks? Hit comments and show me what you got.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
NFL 2006 Preview: AFC North and West
We have a Tuck sighting! Off the starboard bow! He's firing with both barrels now! Today's picks should REALLY piss him off big time!
AFC NORTH
1) Cincinnati (12-4)
2) Pittsburgh (9-7)
3) Baltimore (7-9)
4) Cleveland (4-12)
I love the Bengals this year, provided Carson Palmer stays healthy. His knee will make everyone nervous for the first few weeks, but if it holds up, this team will be an offensive powerhouse that should blow most teams right out of the stadium. They will be the most explosive offense since the Vermeil/Martz-era Rams, and you know Marvin Lewis' defense won't stink, either.
Bring on the hate, haters. Pittsburgh is going to have a tough year because of injuries and subtractions. No Bettis, no Heinz Ward (for a while), no Randle-El, no Rothlisburger for the first couple of weeks (at least) spells danger. Have you looked at their schedule? Miami, at Jacksonville, Cincinnati, at San Diego, Kansas City, at Atlanta. Good God! They could start the season 0-3 and possibly 1-5. I'm being optimistic picking them to finish 9-7.
It seems like there's a lot of folks jumping on the Baltimore bandwagon. Not me. Ray Lewis and Jamal Lewis are both a year older, and anyone who thinks Steve McNair is the savior of this team didn't watch any of Tennessee's games last season. Sure, McNair's tough and competitive, but he's also 68 years old.
Cleveland...who plays for Cleveland? Who's their quarterback? Starting running back? Defensive star? Anyone? Yeah, that's what I thought.
AFC WEST
1) San Diego (12-4)
2) Denver (11-5)
3) Kansas City (8-8)
4) Oakland (4-12)
San Diego finally gets a break in the schedule, which should put them over the top. New QB Phillip Rivers will get help from all-world RB LaDanian Tomlinson. This will give Marty Schottenheimer yet another opportunity to choke in the playoffs.
Denver will be an interesting team to follow just to see how many interceptions Jake Plummer has to throw before Broncos fans start clamoring for impressive rookie Jay Cutler to take over the starting job. I just want to watch Mike Shanahan's head explode like a nuclear device.
Kansas City's going to be mediocre because Trent Green, while a great guy, is too far over the hill to make a difference, and their new head coach, Herm Edwards, has his picture in the dictionary next to the word "mediocre."
Oakland can only aspire to mediocrity. Outlaws and scumbags might have worked for Al Davis back in the days before the salary cap, but these days the NFL is all about not making mental mistakes like turnovers and stupid penalties. Guess which team has led the league in penalties for about the past five years? I hope Randy Moss enjoys watching the Superbowl on television--again!
Tomorrow: Playoff and Superbowl picks
AFC NORTH
1) Cincinnati (12-4)
2) Pittsburgh (9-7)
3) Baltimore (7-9)
4) Cleveland (4-12)
I love the Bengals this year, provided Carson Palmer stays healthy. His knee will make everyone nervous for the first few weeks, but if it holds up, this team will be an offensive powerhouse that should blow most teams right out of the stadium. They will be the most explosive offense since the Vermeil/Martz-era Rams, and you know Marvin Lewis' defense won't stink, either.
Bring on the hate, haters. Pittsburgh is going to have a tough year because of injuries and subtractions. No Bettis, no Heinz Ward (for a while), no Randle-El, no Rothlisburger for the first couple of weeks (at least) spells danger. Have you looked at their schedule? Miami, at Jacksonville, Cincinnati, at San Diego, Kansas City, at Atlanta. Good God! They could start the season 0-3 and possibly 1-5. I'm being optimistic picking them to finish 9-7.
It seems like there's a lot of folks jumping on the Baltimore bandwagon. Not me. Ray Lewis and Jamal Lewis are both a year older, and anyone who thinks Steve McNair is the savior of this team didn't watch any of Tennessee's games last season. Sure, McNair's tough and competitive, but he's also 68 years old.
Cleveland...who plays for Cleveland? Who's their quarterback? Starting running back? Defensive star? Anyone? Yeah, that's what I thought.
AFC WEST
1) San Diego (12-4)
2) Denver (11-5)
3) Kansas City (8-8)
4) Oakland (4-12)
San Diego finally gets a break in the schedule, which should put them over the top. New QB Phillip Rivers will get help from all-world RB LaDanian Tomlinson. This will give Marty Schottenheimer yet another opportunity to choke in the playoffs.
Denver will be an interesting team to follow just to see how many interceptions Jake Plummer has to throw before Broncos fans start clamoring for impressive rookie Jay Cutler to take over the starting job. I just want to watch Mike Shanahan's head explode like a nuclear device.
Kansas City's going to be mediocre because Trent Green, while a great guy, is too far over the hill to make a difference, and their new head coach, Herm Edwards, has his picture in the dictionary next to the word "mediocre."
Oakland can only aspire to mediocrity. Outlaws and scumbags might have worked for Al Davis back in the days before the salary cap, but these days the NFL is all about not making mental mistakes like turnovers and stupid penalties. Guess which team has led the league in penalties for about the past five years? I hope Randy Moss enjoys watching the Superbowl on television--again!
Tomorrow: Playoff and Superbowl picks
Monday, September 04, 2006
NFL 2006 Preview: AFC East and South
Tonight we move our attention to the AFC, where the likely Superbowl champion will emerge—again. Let's just hope it's not that team in Massachusetts.
AFC EAST
1) Miami (13-3)
2) New England (11-5)
3) New York Jets (7-9)
4) Buffalo Bills (5-11)
Nick Saban did a lot more last year with the Dolphins than anyone thought he would, and that was without a real quarterback. Now he's got Daunte Culpepper, who should have a HUGE chip on his shoulder and something to prove to the rest of the league. Their defense will be nasty and almost impossible to score on. I like this team a lot this year.
New England is getting old, and they may have shot themselves in the foot with this Deion Branch non-signing problem, but as long as the names "Belichick" and "Brady" are on the top of the letterhead, they're a safe bet to win double digits and compete for a playoff spot.
The Jets will improve on defense thanks to Belichick disciple Eric Mangini, their new head coach, but I won't put any faith into Chad Pennington, and he doesn't have many weapons to go to anyway. Buffalo still thinks it's the mid-1990s with Marv Levy running the football operation. Someone explain to me why Buffalo has a team and Los Angeles doesn't?
AFC SOUTH
1) Indianapolis (14-2)
2) Jacksonville (10-6)
3) Houston (6-10)
4) Tennessee (2-14)
Indianapolis won't flirt with perfection—I have them losing early in the season to Denver—but they will continue to focus on home field advantage throughout the playoffs, and this year Dungy and Manning won't let the game get away from them the way they did against Pittsburgh last year. In fact, I see them following the Steelers' gameplan: lose the playoffs as big favorites, learn your lesson, go out and win it all the next year. Oops, I just gave away my playoff predictions, didn't I?
Jacksonville will continue to serve as the bridesmaid in the south, although I see them falling back a bit due to a tougher schedule than last year. Houston will make some progress with new head coach Gary Kubiak, though I think he would have been better served with Reggie Bush. Tennessee will only win two games because it's just as hard to lose them all as it is to win them all. Jeff Fisher's gonna wish he had taken the job in St. Louis instead, Vince Young or not. By the way, he'll be starting by week seven and getting killed every Sunday. Happy trails!
Tomorrow: AFC North and West
AFC EAST
1) Miami (13-3)
2) New England (11-5)
3) New York Jets (7-9)
4) Buffalo Bills (5-11)
Nick Saban did a lot more last year with the Dolphins than anyone thought he would, and that was without a real quarterback. Now he's got Daunte Culpepper, who should have a HUGE chip on his shoulder and something to prove to the rest of the league. Their defense will be nasty and almost impossible to score on. I like this team a lot this year.
New England is getting old, and they may have shot themselves in the foot with this Deion Branch non-signing problem, but as long as the names "Belichick" and "Brady" are on the top of the letterhead, they're a safe bet to win double digits and compete for a playoff spot.
The Jets will improve on defense thanks to Belichick disciple Eric Mangini, their new head coach, but I won't put any faith into Chad Pennington, and he doesn't have many weapons to go to anyway. Buffalo still thinks it's the mid-1990s with Marv Levy running the football operation. Someone explain to me why Buffalo has a team and Los Angeles doesn't?
AFC SOUTH
1) Indianapolis (14-2)
2) Jacksonville (10-6)
3) Houston (6-10)
4) Tennessee (2-14)
Indianapolis won't flirt with perfection—I have them losing early in the season to Denver—but they will continue to focus on home field advantage throughout the playoffs, and this year Dungy and Manning won't let the game get away from them the way they did against Pittsburgh last year. In fact, I see them following the Steelers' gameplan: lose the playoffs as big favorites, learn your lesson, go out and win it all the next year. Oops, I just gave away my playoff predictions, didn't I?
Jacksonville will continue to serve as the bridesmaid in the south, although I see them falling back a bit due to a tougher schedule than last year. Houston will make some progress with new head coach Gary Kubiak, though I think he would have been better served with Reggie Bush. Tennessee will only win two games because it's just as hard to lose them all as it is to win them all. Jeff Fisher's gonna wish he had taken the job in St. Louis instead, Vince Young or not. By the way, he'll be starting by week seven and getting killed every Sunday. Happy trails!
Tomorrow: AFC North and West
Sunday, September 03, 2006
NFL Preview 2006: NFC North and West
Continuing with our look at the NFC, we now cover the last two divisions.
NFC NORTH
1) Chicago (9-7)
2) Minnesota (9-7)
3) Detroit (4-12)
4) Green Bay (4-12)
Notice something about those records? It's not an accident; we have two mediocre teams at the top of the division, and two very bad teams at the bottom. Chicago should continue to be tough on defense, but they don't have any offense, and by the time someone figures out that Brian Griese should be the starting quarterback, they'll have five or six losses. Maybe they'll get lucky and Rex Grossman will get hurt early in the season--again.
Minnesota is breaking in a new coach with a 37-year-old quarterback, no number one wide receiver and a running game that is better suited to appear on the side of a milk carton. About the best this team can hope for is to appear on ESPN more often for game highlights rather than the Minneapolis police reports.
Detroit might show flashes of Martz Madness on offense, and new head coach Rod Marinelli is certain to bring a bit more discipline to the team, but with a GM almost as incompetent as Isaiah Thomas in Matt Millen, they just don't have enough talent to compete with anyone else but the other bottom-feeders in the league.
Speaking of bottom-feeders...expect a major league case of buyer's remorse for Brett Favre that he didn't go ahead and retire last year. This is a bad, bad, bad football team.
NFC WEST
1) Seattle (14-2)
2) Arizona (9-7)
3) St. Louis (7-9)
4) San Francisco (3-13)
I know everyone is talking about the curse of the SB loser (hasn't made the playoffs in six years or something like that), but take a look at Seattle's schedule--I picked them to lose twice because no team has gone undefeated since 1972, but they have a legitimate shot to run the whole table. Plus, they should play with a chip on their shoulder because they did get jobbed twice, and big, by the refs last February.
Arizona's a trendy pick for a lot of "experts," and I would love to see Kurt Warner take another team to the promised land, but we have to be realistic: this is still Bill Bidwell's team, and this is probably as good as it gets. They have a tough schedule, especially on the road, and until I see some evidence of an offensive line, I'm not betting any "straight cash, homey" on Warner starting the whole season.
The Rams are the parallel of the Vikings: new coach, suspect quarterback, unproven running game, nonexistent defense, inept special teams. Can Marc Bulger play like a Pro Bowl QB? Can the Steve and Steve show (Jackson and Davis, BTW) gain meaningful yards on the ground? It all depends on an offensive line that has been truly offensive in terms of quality of play for the past three years. Don't get me wrong, I hope the Rams show me something surprising. I have faith that Scott Linehan and Jim Haslett can get things straightened out on both sides of the ball, but I still look at their schedule and don't see any better than .500 in their 2006 future. Better luck next year, guys.
I hate San Francisco. I still remember how cocky and strutting they were back in their glory days. Enjoy the sewer, boys--you deserve it. I hope they go 0-16, but they do have Green Bay and Detroit on their schedule.
Tomorrow: AFC East and South
NFC NORTH
1) Chicago (9-7)
2) Minnesota (9-7)
3) Detroit (4-12)
4) Green Bay (4-12)
Notice something about those records? It's not an accident; we have two mediocre teams at the top of the division, and two very bad teams at the bottom. Chicago should continue to be tough on defense, but they don't have any offense, and by the time someone figures out that Brian Griese should be the starting quarterback, they'll have five or six losses. Maybe they'll get lucky and Rex Grossman will get hurt early in the season--again.
Minnesota is breaking in a new coach with a 37-year-old quarterback, no number one wide receiver and a running game that is better suited to appear on the side of a milk carton. About the best this team can hope for is to appear on ESPN more often for game highlights rather than the Minneapolis police reports.
Detroit might show flashes of Martz Madness on offense, and new head coach Rod Marinelli is certain to bring a bit more discipline to the team, but with a GM almost as incompetent as Isaiah Thomas in Matt Millen, they just don't have enough talent to compete with anyone else but the other bottom-feeders in the league.
Speaking of bottom-feeders...expect a major league case of buyer's remorse for Brett Favre that he didn't go ahead and retire last year. This is a bad, bad, bad football team.
NFC WEST
1) Seattle (14-2)
2) Arizona (9-7)
3) St. Louis (7-9)
4) San Francisco (3-13)
I know everyone is talking about the curse of the SB loser (hasn't made the playoffs in six years or something like that), but take a look at Seattle's schedule--I picked them to lose twice because no team has gone undefeated since 1972, but they have a legitimate shot to run the whole table. Plus, they should play with a chip on their shoulder because they did get jobbed twice, and big, by the refs last February.
Arizona's a trendy pick for a lot of "experts," and I would love to see Kurt Warner take another team to the promised land, but we have to be realistic: this is still Bill Bidwell's team, and this is probably as good as it gets. They have a tough schedule, especially on the road, and until I see some evidence of an offensive line, I'm not betting any "straight cash, homey" on Warner starting the whole season.
The Rams are the parallel of the Vikings: new coach, suspect quarterback, unproven running game, nonexistent defense, inept special teams. Can Marc Bulger play like a Pro Bowl QB? Can the Steve and Steve show (Jackson and Davis, BTW) gain meaningful yards on the ground? It all depends on an offensive line that has been truly offensive in terms of quality of play for the past three years. Don't get me wrong, I hope the Rams show me something surprising. I have faith that Scott Linehan and Jim Haslett can get things straightened out on both sides of the ball, but I still look at their schedule and don't see any better than .500 in their 2006 future. Better luck next year, guys.
I hate San Francisco. I still remember how cocky and strutting they were back in their glory days. Enjoy the sewer, boys--you deserve it. I hope they go 0-16, but they do have Green Bay and Detroit on their schedule.
Tomorrow: AFC East and South
Saturday, September 02, 2006
NFL 2006 Preview: NFC East and South
It's here! It's finally here! The NFL season is less than one week away, and unlike this miserable baseball season, where the Cardinals have been in first place most of the year and still played like losers, I'm going into the NFL season with absolutely no illusions—both of my favorite teams, the Rams and the Vikings, are going to stink like roadkill on a hot August afternoon. But this will not stop me from making my annual preseason predictions, which, like those made by paid "experts" at ESPN, Sports Illustrated, Fox Sports, CBS, etc. all, are almost certain to be wrong. Since when did being wrong ever stop me? I'll do the NFC in two parts first, then two parts for the AFC, then playoff predictions leading up to Thursday night's kickoff. And away we go...
NFC EAST
1) Dallas (12-4)
2) NY Giants (11-5)
3) Washington Redskins (8-8)
4) Philadelphia Eagles (6-10)
I'm picking Dallas for one reason: this is Bill Parcells' third year in Dallas, and he usually takes a team to the Superbowl in his third year. So are they my SB pick? Let's not get ahead of ourselves yet, please. I think Bledsoe's going to have a good year; I think that wide receiver will be a difference maker for their offense, and I think they've got far and away the best defense in the NFC.
This year will be Eli Manning's coming out party, but they have a tough road schedule, and I also have to wonder how much Tiki Barber has left in his tank. Running backs usually from hero to zero in just a few months. Manning's going to have a huge year passing, though, and he'll score enough to balance out a typically tough Tom Coughlin defense keeping games close.
The Redskins have an injured running back, an ancient quarterback and not much else on the defensive side. I just don't think they can score enough points to go better than .500. I'll say the same thing for Philadelphia—other than Donovan McNabb, can you name another offensive starter? Their running back hasn't played in more than two years. They'll give teams defensive trouble, but they'll lose double digits because of their inability to score touchdowns.
NFC SOUTH
1) Carolina (14-2)
2) Atlanta (12-4)
3) Tampa Bay (11-5)
4) New Orleans (4-12)
I hate to pick Carolina because they are the "trendy" SB pick by all the so-called experts, but when you consider their weapons on both sides of the ball with their schedule, I don't see them really losing more than about three games unless they get hit hard with injuries.
This is the year Mike Vick puts it all together and has an MVP-caliber season, along with a powerful running game and an aggressive defense. Atlanta will be the team that nobody else in the league wants to play.
Chris Simms will solidify himself as the starting QB in Tampa, and that defense will be good again, but not really great. I don't think their players are as talented position-for-position as the other teams in the division, but they'll still compete for a playoff spot.
While Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will bring a new level of excitement to a city that needs something to cheer about, but they need a lot more than just two talented stars (a defense would be a good start) to bring a winning record to the Crescent City. Better luck next year, guys.
Tomorrow: NFC North and West
NFC EAST
1) Dallas (12-4)
2) NY Giants (11-5)
3) Washington Redskins (8-8)
4) Philadelphia Eagles (6-10)
I'm picking Dallas for one reason: this is Bill Parcells' third year in Dallas, and he usually takes a team to the Superbowl in his third year. So are they my SB pick? Let's not get ahead of ourselves yet, please. I think Bledsoe's going to have a good year; I think that wide receiver will be a difference maker for their offense, and I think they've got far and away the best defense in the NFC.
This year will be Eli Manning's coming out party, but they have a tough road schedule, and I also have to wonder how much Tiki Barber has left in his tank. Running backs usually from hero to zero in just a few months. Manning's going to have a huge year passing, though, and he'll score enough to balance out a typically tough Tom Coughlin defense keeping games close.
The Redskins have an injured running back, an ancient quarterback and not much else on the defensive side. I just don't think they can score enough points to go better than .500. I'll say the same thing for Philadelphia—other than Donovan McNabb, can you name another offensive starter? Their running back hasn't played in more than two years. They'll give teams defensive trouble, but they'll lose double digits because of their inability to score touchdowns.
NFC SOUTH
1) Carolina (14-2)
2) Atlanta (12-4)
3) Tampa Bay (11-5)
4) New Orleans (4-12)
I hate to pick Carolina because they are the "trendy" SB pick by all the so-called experts, but when you consider their weapons on both sides of the ball with their schedule, I don't see them really losing more than about three games unless they get hit hard with injuries.
This is the year Mike Vick puts it all together and has an MVP-caliber season, along with a powerful running game and an aggressive defense. Atlanta will be the team that nobody else in the league wants to play.
Chris Simms will solidify himself as the starting QB in Tampa, and that defense will be good again, but not really great. I don't think their players are as talented position-for-position as the other teams in the division, but they'll still compete for a playoff spot.
While Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will bring a new level of excitement to a city that needs something to cheer about, but they need a lot more than just two talented stars (a defense would be a good start) to bring a winning record to the Crescent City. Better luck next year, guys.
Tomorrow: NFC North and West
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Why Tony LaRussa Should Probably Go
It's not for the reason you think. Yes, the latest multi-game losing streak has been especially humiliating--getting swept by the atrocious Cubs, then losing two ignominious games against an equally atrocious Phillies team (and at home, no less). But LaRussa can't do any more than he is already doing with the talent (or lack thereof) on this year's team, and that falls directly on ownership.
I suspect that Cardinals ownership is planning on a youth-movement rebuilding effort after this year. The Cards were close to winning it all for the past three years, so it looks by all accounts that their plan was to stand pat, let Walt tweak a few positions, and rake in the money from the new stadium.
Okay, that didn't work. The pitching staff is not just bad; it's bad on an epic scale. As far as the offense goes, Pujols is the only one you can count on, and now he's starting to break down physically from the pressure of trying to win every game single-handedly (because he knows he's not getting any help).
So the next step is to clean house in the off-season and rebuild with young players, and this is where LaRussa and pitching coach Dave Duncan no longer fit in. The team has at least two or three pitching prospects in Memphis who could throw a better gopher ball than the lifeless corpse of Jeff Weaver, but LaRussa prefers veteran players. What's he going to do if the only veterans on the team are Albert, Scott Rolen and Chris Carpenter?
It's obvious that this course of action is long overdue. Management is on record as unwilling to increase payroll any further, and there's no way--without a salary cap--that the Cardinals' performance can be improved by adding talented veterans. They just cost too much. Look at the Mets. They've loaded up on talented veterans, but their payroll exploded as well. And in the end, it won't make any difference for them, either, because there are about six AL teams (at least) who could beat anyone the NL throws at them in the World Series.
The Cardinals couldn't very well have a fire sale when they are sitting in first place; that's understandable. But if they fade and don't make the playoffs or lose to the Mets in the NLCS, I think the next step would be to jettison just about everyone for young players and talented prospects. I would listen to trade talks for everyone except Pujols. Yes, I would send Scott Rolen off if the price was right. He's not been the same since his injury last year, and there is clearly a lot of young infield talent to be had.
Jim Edmonds is almost a St. Louis icon, but he may not have much trade value past this year. Everyone else is expendable, including Eckstein and Molina. Isringhausen still has some trade value due to the dearth of closers available, and you might get some minor league talent for Marquis.
The big question is whether Jocketty can put together a young team with raw talent and potential. We have seen his skill in adding veterans, but the money for that just is not available, at least in the sense of Bill DeWitt writing the check (he obviously prefers adding baseball revenue to his Mammon-like bank account instead). The next question is whether LaRussa and Duncan can get results from a young and inexperienced team. This has been the biggest criticism of both men in their coaching careers: great with veterans; no patience for young players. Why else would they pitch Jeff Weaver over Adam Wainwright?
I don't want the Cardinals to become the Florida Marlins; on the other hand, Florida has won two World Series since the Cardinals last won theirs in 1982. They have the lowest payroll in baseball, about $15 million, but they're only seven games below .500 with first-time manager Joe Girardi. That's only 8.5 games behind the Cardinals, whose payroll exceeds $90 million.
The Cardinals aren't going to win the World Series this year or next with this group. Adding veterans is a financial impossibility. They have to go with a youth movement and rebuild from the ground up. And I don't think that Tony LaRussa is the right man for that job. If he doesn't either, I hope he decides to resign after the season and leave on his own terms. At this point, moving on might be the best decision for everyone.
I suspect that Cardinals ownership is planning on a youth-movement rebuilding effort after this year. The Cards were close to winning it all for the past three years, so it looks by all accounts that their plan was to stand pat, let Walt tweak a few positions, and rake in the money from the new stadium.
Okay, that didn't work. The pitching staff is not just bad; it's bad on an epic scale. As far as the offense goes, Pujols is the only one you can count on, and now he's starting to break down physically from the pressure of trying to win every game single-handedly (because he knows he's not getting any help).
So the next step is to clean house in the off-season and rebuild with young players, and this is where LaRussa and pitching coach Dave Duncan no longer fit in. The team has at least two or three pitching prospects in Memphis who could throw a better gopher ball than the lifeless corpse of Jeff Weaver, but LaRussa prefers veteran players. What's he going to do if the only veterans on the team are Albert, Scott Rolen and Chris Carpenter?
It's obvious that this course of action is long overdue. Management is on record as unwilling to increase payroll any further, and there's no way--without a salary cap--that the Cardinals' performance can be improved by adding talented veterans. They just cost too much. Look at the Mets. They've loaded up on talented veterans, but their payroll exploded as well. And in the end, it won't make any difference for them, either, because there are about six AL teams (at least) who could beat anyone the NL throws at them in the World Series.
The Cardinals couldn't very well have a fire sale when they are sitting in first place; that's understandable. But if they fade and don't make the playoffs or lose to the Mets in the NLCS, I think the next step would be to jettison just about everyone for young players and talented prospects. I would listen to trade talks for everyone except Pujols. Yes, I would send Scott Rolen off if the price was right. He's not been the same since his injury last year, and there is clearly a lot of young infield talent to be had.
Jim Edmonds is almost a St. Louis icon, but he may not have much trade value past this year. Everyone else is expendable, including Eckstein and Molina. Isringhausen still has some trade value due to the dearth of closers available, and you might get some minor league talent for Marquis.
The big question is whether Jocketty can put together a young team with raw talent and potential. We have seen his skill in adding veterans, but the money for that just is not available, at least in the sense of Bill DeWitt writing the check (he obviously prefers adding baseball revenue to his Mammon-like bank account instead). The next question is whether LaRussa and Duncan can get results from a young and inexperienced team. This has been the biggest criticism of both men in their coaching careers: great with veterans; no patience for young players. Why else would they pitch Jeff Weaver over Adam Wainwright?
I don't want the Cardinals to become the Florida Marlins; on the other hand, Florida has won two World Series since the Cardinals last won theirs in 1982. They have the lowest payroll in baseball, about $15 million, but they're only seven games below .500 with first-time manager Joe Girardi. That's only 8.5 games behind the Cardinals, whose payroll exceeds $90 million.
The Cardinals aren't going to win the World Series this year or next with this group. Adding veterans is a financial impossibility. They have to go with a youth movement and rebuild from the ground up. And I don't think that Tony LaRussa is the right man for that job. If he doesn't either, I hope he decides to resign after the season and leave on his own terms. At this point, moving on might be the best decision for everyone.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Top Ten Reasons the Cardinals Got Swept by the Cubs
10. Team was confused--thought they were playing the Chicago White Sox again.
9. Running away with the NL Central Division title the past few years just got boring.
8. Albert Pujols feigning injury and slump to conceal his superhuman identity, ala "Clark Kent."
7. George W. Bush's "loser stink" rubbed off on close friend and Cards owner Bill DeWitt.
6. Not paying attention to game--watching "Blade" marathon on Spike TV in dugout.
5. LaRussa wanted to spare Izzy the mental anguish of four blown saves.
4. So Taguchi took team out for tainted sushi at Benihana.
3. The Curse of Ernie Broglio.
2. Pitchers blew out arms trying to win "super-size prize" at the baseball toss game at Six Flags Great America.
1. Tony LaRussa rehearsing for annual post-season choke and collapse.
9. Running away with the NL Central Division title the past few years just got boring.
8. Albert Pujols feigning injury and slump to conceal his superhuman identity, ala "Clark Kent."
7. George W. Bush's "loser stink" rubbed off on close friend and Cards owner Bill DeWitt.
6. Not paying attention to game--watching "Blade" marathon on Spike TV in dugout.
5. LaRussa wanted to spare Izzy the mental anguish of four blown saves.
4. So Taguchi took team out for tainted sushi at Benihana.
3. The Curse of Ernie Broglio.
2. Pitchers blew out arms trying to win "super-size prize" at the baseball toss game at Six Flags Great America.
1. Tony LaRussa rehearsing for annual post-season choke and collapse.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
So this is what I've been reduced to...
The NBA Finals are all I've got.
The Cardinals stink worse than a dead possum on the side of the road in an August heatwave. Roadkill's a good description for this sorry bunch. Their starting pitching is horrible, giving up an average of about five runs per game. Their middle relief has been somewhat encouraging, though none of these soft tossers will ever remind anyone of Eric Gagne or Billy Wagner. If I start to talk about Isringhausen, I might fly into a Bruce Banner becomes The Hulk rage and smash my computer before I get a chance to upload this post.
Bill DeWitt apologist Al "Mad Sycophant" Hrabosky says Cardinals fans should support Izzy. What on earth for? I think walking the bases loaded every time he pitches warrants a little hostility on the part of fans. Speaking of DeWitt, he's not letting Jocketty do a darn thing to improve this team as long as they're selling out the new ballpark in the middle of the week. The only thing rich people respond to is a decline in the bottom line. Cut this guy off from his cash cow and watch how fast Walt makes a trade.
At this point, wouldn't the NHL be better off going to strictly pay-per-view? This awful Stanley Cup finals is going to be a sweep--and a blowout sweep at that--that only a handful of people will (or even can) watch. The Outdoor Life Network? Are you kidding me? The channel that deer hunters turn to when they want to watch deer hunting?
By the way, it's easy to slam marginal television sports like hunting and my personal kryptonite, poker. What more disturbing to me is the proliferation of these kinds of shows. It seems like every other channel is showing some poker tournament. I mean, what kind of a pointless existence does someone have to lead to watch a televised poker tournament. It's four hours of watching people who natural selection evidently overlooked stare vacantly at each other and occasionally push stacks of plastic disks forward on the table. This crap makes "My Dinner With Andre" look like "Die Hard."
At least I've got Mike & Mike in the Morning on ESPN2, right? Wrong--we're into something like the 13th week of French Open tennis coverage in the morning. Tennis? Are you kidding me? The men are soulless robots, clones without personalities who make Ben Stein look like Crispin Glover. The women? Skinny Russian teens (these girls are hot? Only if you like anorexic junior high girls) against Belgian dwarves? I remember when we had Connors, McEnroe, Borg, Nastase and Ashe on the men's side. At this point, even a blank technician like Ivan Lendl has ten times the charisma of a cipher like Roger Federer. On the women's side, there was Martina, Chrissy, Billy Jean...icons known only by their first names. Now we're stuck with a never-ending series of unpronouncable European adolescents. And how long does this tournament last, anyway? At this point, it's longer than the NHL playoffs, which started around Valentine's Day and might end by the 4th of July.
That leaves the NBA. Of course, I am giddy about the prospect of the Miami/Dallas matchup--old master Riley coaching against young wizard Avery Johnson; Shaq vs. Dirk; Wade vs. Terry; Mark Cuban freaking out on the sidelines. This is going to be the most entertaining NBA Finals series since MJ, Scottie and the Worm were playing for the Zen Master in Chicago.
Man, I'm glad there are two teams playing who I would be equally happy to see win, because at this point, the NBA is all I've got.
The Cardinals stink worse than a dead possum on the side of the road in an August heatwave. Roadkill's a good description for this sorry bunch. Their starting pitching is horrible, giving up an average of about five runs per game. Their middle relief has been somewhat encouraging, though none of these soft tossers will ever remind anyone of Eric Gagne or Billy Wagner. If I start to talk about Isringhausen, I might fly into a Bruce Banner becomes The Hulk rage and smash my computer before I get a chance to upload this post.
Bill DeWitt apologist Al "Mad Sycophant" Hrabosky says Cardinals fans should support Izzy. What on earth for? I think walking the bases loaded every time he pitches warrants a little hostility on the part of fans. Speaking of DeWitt, he's not letting Jocketty do a darn thing to improve this team as long as they're selling out the new ballpark in the middle of the week. The only thing rich people respond to is a decline in the bottom line. Cut this guy off from his cash cow and watch how fast Walt makes a trade.
At this point, wouldn't the NHL be better off going to strictly pay-per-view? This awful Stanley Cup finals is going to be a sweep--and a blowout sweep at that--that only a handful of people will (or even can) watch. The Outdoor Life Network? Are you kidding me? The channel that deer hunters turn to when they want to watch deer hunting?
By the way, it's easy to slam marginal television sports like hunting and my personal kryptonite, poker. What more disturbing to me is the proliferation of these kinds of shows. It seems like every other channel is showing some poker tournament. I mean, what kind of a pointless existence does someone have to lead to watch a televised poker tournament. It's four hours of watching people who natural selection evidently overlooked stare vacantly at each other and occasionally push stacks of plastic disks forward on the table. This crap makes "My Dinner With Andre" look like "Die Hard."
At least I've got Mike & Mike in the Morning on ESPN2, right? Wrong--we're into something like the 13th week of French Open tennis coverage in the morning. Tennis? Are you kidding me? The men are soulless robots, clones without personalities who make Ben Stein look like Crispin Glover. The women? Skinny Russian teens (these girls are hot? Only if you like anorexic junior high girls) against Belgian dwarves? I remember when we had Connors, McEnroe, Borg, Nastase and Ashe on the men's side. At this point, even a blank technician like Ivan Lendl has ten times the charisma of a cipher like Roger Federer. On the women's side, there was Martina, Chrissy, Billy Jean...icons known only by their first names. Now we're stuck with a never-ending series of unpronouncable European adolescents. And how long does this tournament last, anyway? At this point, it's longer than the NHL playoffs, which started around Valentine's Day and might end by the 4th of July.
That leaves the NBA. Of course, I am giddy about the prospect of the Miami/Dallas matchup--old master Riley coaching against young wizard Avery Johnson; Shaq vs. Dirk; Wade vs. Terry; Mark Cuban freaking out on the sidelines. This is going to be the most entertaining NBA Finals series since MJ, Scottie and the Worm were playing for the Zen Master in Chicago.
Man, I'm glad there are two teams playing who I would be equally happy to see win, because at this point, the NBA is all I've got.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Tuck gives us his Stanley Cup preview
A special treat today in The Sandlot—Hockey cartoonist and frequent sarcastic comment contributor “Tuck” offers his take on the Stanley Cup Finals, which started tonight.
Q: Edmonton Oilers vs. Carolina Hurricane--why should the casual or curious hockey fan tune into this matchup (assuming they are one of the 27 households who get the OLN cable channel)? What is most intriguing about this matchup?
A: Well, first off, can someone please explain to me who, exactly, is supposed to be the "casual" hockey fan? Doesn't this marginalize hockey fans (proper)? Doesn't this stink like rhetorical strategy on the part of ESPN/ABC to extort a more favorable TV deal from the league? You never hear anyone talk about the "casual NBA fan," or the "casual pro rasslin' fan"...but I digress...
Given the STL-centric nature of your space, I'd say there's LOTS for you (and your readers) to find intriguing:
1) First off, we have the "Count the Ex-Blues": On the left, we have Rolofson, MacTavish, and Prongs; on the right, we have Head-i-case, Rod the Bod, Stillman, and Doug Weight. And that's just off the top of my head. The more industrious fan will want to research this further, and likely turn it into a drinking game of some sort.
2) Related to the "Count the Ex-Blues," there's "Who Do You Hate More"? Finding someone to cheer for in this series is going to be a serious test of the STL hockey fan's resiliance. My memory isn't so addled as to not remember Head-i-case's conduct, both as a Blue, and then immediately in the wake of the "Trade-him-make-the-Janney-For-Nedved-debacle-go-away" Fiasco (as a Vancouver Canuck). Then there's Cory "You Don't Wanna Pay Me What I Want? Fine, I'm Going To Tampa and Winning a Cup!" Stillman. And all of us have heard the "Hi, I'm God, but you can call me Chris Pronger" stories. So you (eventually) have to go positive, and cheer FOR Doug Weight (not to mention, he's likely coming back home to the Note next season). I figure if JoeJoe Murphy has HIS name on the cup (and just who exactly are they turning away then??), then Weight can have his there. Not to mention the thought of Weight knocking out his former team to get there (in Edmonton) is just too much. And yes, ALL this is in spite of the sign I saw on TV in Carolina last night, "Redneck Hockey."
3) Another fun game: Spot Kristi Yamaguchi. (She's apparently married to Head-i-case.)
Q: Break down the goalie matchup--we have Carolina rookie Cam Ward going against Edmonton veteran Dwayne Roloson--who has the edge, and why?
A: Gotta tell ya, I think this series has less to do with the goalie matchup than it does with how effective the Carolina forecheck is, versus how effective the Oilers D will be.
On the other hand, the Canes could just employ the same tactics they used against my adopted Sabres...if you can't beat 'em, injure 60% of their D. (But I'm not bitter or anything. Well, not much.)
Q: How much will Edmonton's long layoff affect their performance in the first couple of games, especially since they will be on the road? Does this give Carolina a big advantage?
A: Apparently they've been in New York practicing for the last week...you know, that time difference between Alberta and the NEUS is SO FREAKIN INHOSPITABLE...so who knows. Personally, I think they're just there so that Michael Peca can show off all his favorite places from when he played for the Islanders for 20 minutes...
Q: How much will the coaching matchup—Peter Laviolette for Carolina vs. Craig MacTavish (still without a helmet) for Edmonton--affect the outcome of the series?
A: Well, no one will ever confuse either of these guys for Sun Tzu. But I think a pretty nice sub-plot is the news that (again, reportedly) Laviolette has been offered the GM/Coach dual role by the New York Islanders (them AGAIN??)...all while trying to steer his team to the Cup. Yikes.
Q: Which team will raise the Cup this year and why?
A: The short answer is Carolina, b/c God won't allow the #8 seed to skate away with the hardware. On the other hand, there's the issue of that "Redneck Hockey" sign (but again, it's not like Atlanta or Nashville are in the Finals. And the league already awarded the cup to Dallas in 99, so it's about time a Southern franchise, you know, actually WON it). (Did someone say "bitter"? Again, not me.) But the bottom line is that I just think Carolina is the deeper team (and, no, not b/c Barry Melrose and/or his mullet says so).
Q: As a transplant to the Buffalo, NY region, were you disappointed with the Sabres falling short, or did they overachieve this year? What did you like and dislike about their team?
A: First off, let me just point out that it's less than 24 hours since my other guys were eliminated, but I'm not bitter. Well, not a lot. Now, onto the disappointment: A little disappointed, I thought they had a really good chance to win it all this year, but you'll recall (from personal correspondence) that I had the Sabres as a Final Four team at the beginning of the season (with Ottawa as the other from the East, so there you go). This flew in the face of ALL the alleged experts (like Ted Whatisisname from USA Today online, for example, who must have dug out all his predictions from 2003 and just re-submitted them). Anyone who was surprised by Buffalo this season (and then continually went out of their way to reiterate that "'no one' saw them coming" throughout the season) just wasn't paying attention to the Rochester Americans (AHL) in 2004-2005, and certainly couldn't have been checking out hockeybuzz.com earlier in the season. This team was custom-built from the beginning of the lockout for this kind of CBA, and anything less than the Conference finals would have been a shortfall. And I will maintain til my last breath, that if 60% (that's right, all but FOUR) of their defense hadn't been injured, the Sabres coulda/shoulda/woulda been starting on Monday (instead of Bret Freakin Head-i-case)...
Q: As a fellow Blues fan, here's what really sticks in my craw about these finals: Carolina features ex-Blues Rod Brind'amour, Doug Weight, Cory Stillman and Bret Hedican; Edmonton is led by the consensus best player in the NHL Chris Pronger (who the Blues traded for what, a six-pack of Moosehead Beer?). What is it about the Blues that they can't keep quality players, and what would be an appropriate punishment for Mark Sauer and Larry Pleau-must-geau?
A: You forgot Rolofson and MacTavish. You owe me a round (or something). I don't know that we should get too upset about Stillman or Hedican -- it wasn't like they set the world on fire when they were here. I look at those guys like Andy Van Slyke -- they were NEVER going to excel with the home team, but you can see how a change of scenery would do/did them good.
I tend to blame Weight and Pronger on Bill Laurie. Which is why I'll never spend another dollar at Wal Mart. Ever.
And Rod The Bod? Jeez, it's been such a long time...it's kinda like seeing your ex-girlfriend from highschool starring in a Cinemax softcore Friday night special, isn't it? Yeah, everyone can see she might've been hot at one time (tho the years haven't been exactly kind), and, yeah, everyone knows she "got away from you," and yeah, she's "famous," but...you know, it's Cinemax (or Raleigh-Durham, in this case).
As for Pleaumustgeau and Sauer...that's simple. They have to sit and watch DVR of every minute of every game from the 2005-2006 season...(so you can see: Sadistic, yes, bitter, no.)
Q: What do you think about new Blues owner Dave Checketts, and what is your outlook for the Note next season?
A: Haven't seen anything from Checketts yet, so it's wait and see. But if the spies are telling the truth, we're gonna like what he has in store (John Davidson, anyone? HE knows something about goalie!) (insert your favorite Chris Osgood joke here)....
Q: Edmonton Oilers vs. Carolina Hurricane--why should the casual or curious hockey fan tune into this matchup (assuming they are one of the 27 households who get the OLN cable channel)? What is most intriguing about this matchup?
A: Well, first off, can someone please explain to me who, exactly, is supposed to be the "casual" hockey fan? Doesn't this marginalize hockey fans (proper)? Doesn't this stink like rhetorical strategy on the part of ESPN/ABC to extort a more favorable TV deal from the league? You never hear anyone talk about the "casual NBA fan," or the "casual pro rasslin' fan"...but I digress...
Given the STL-centric nature of your space, I'd say there's LOTS for you (and your readers) to find intriguing:
1) First off, we have the "Count the Ex-Blues": On the left, we have Rolofson, MacTavish, and Prongs; on the right, we have Head-i-case, Rod the Bod, Stillman, and Doug Weight. And that's just off the top of my head. The more industrious fan will want to research this further, and likely turn it into a drinking game of some sort.
2) Related to the "Count the Ex-Blues," there's "Who Do You Hate More"? Finding someone to cheer for in this series is going to be a serious test of the STL hockey fan's resiliance. My memory isn't so addled as to not remember Head-i-case's conduct, both as a Blue, and then immediately in the wake of the "Trade-him-make-the-Janney-For-Nedved-debacle-go-away" Fiasco (as a Vancouver Canuck). Then there's Cory "You Don't Wanna Pay Me What I Want? Fine, I'm Going To Tampa and Winning a Cup!" Stillman. And all of us have heard the "Hi, I'm God, but you can call me Chris Pronger" stories. So you (eventually) have to go positive, and cheer FOR Doug Weight (not to mention, he's likely coming back home to the Note next season). I figure if JoeJoe Murphy has HIS name on the cup (and just who exactly are they turning away then??), then Weight can have his there. Not to mention the thought of Weight knocking out his former team to get there (in Edmonton) is just too much. And yes, ALL this is in spite of the sign I saw on TV in Carolina last night, "Redneck Hockey."
3) Another fun game: Spot Kristi Yamaguchi. (She's apparently married to Head-i-case.)
Q: Break down the goalie matchup--we have Carolina rookie Cam Ward going against Edmonton veteran Dwayne Roloson--who has the edge, and why?
A: Gotta tell ya, I think this series has less to do with the goalie matchup than it does with how effective the Carolina forecheck is, versus how effective the Oilers D will be.
On the other hand, the Canes could just employ the same tactics they used against my adopted Sabres...if you can't beat 'em, injure 60% of their D. (But I'm not bitter or anything. Well, not much.)
Q: How much will Edmonton's long layoff affect their performance in the first couple of games, especially since they will be on the road? Does this give Carolina a big advantage?
A: Apparently they've been in New York practicing for the last week...you know, that time difference between Alberta and the NEUS is SO FREAKIN INHOSPITABLE...so who knows. Personally, I think they're just there so that Michael Peca can show off all his favorite places from when he played for the Islanders for 20 minutes...
Q: How much will the coaching matchup—Peter Laviolette for Carolina vs. Craig MacTavish (still without a helmet) for Edmonton--affect the outcome of the series?
A: Well, no one will ever confuse either of these guys for Sun Tzu. But I think a pretty nice sub-plot is the news that (again, reportedly) Laviolette has been offered the GM/Coach dual role by the New York Islanders (them AGAIN??)...all while trying to steer his team to the Cup. Yikes.
Q: Which team will raise the Cup this year and why?
A: The short answer is Carolina, b/c God won't allow the #8 seed to skate away with the hardware. On the other hand, there's the issue of that "Redneck Hockey" sign (but again, it's not like Atlanta or Nashville are in the Finals. And the league already awarded the cup to Dallas in 99, so it's about time a Southern franchise, you know, actually WON it). (Did someone say "bitter"? Again, not me.) But the bottom line is that I just think Carolina is the deeper team (and, no, not b/c Barry Melrose and/or his mullet says so).
Q: As a transplant to the Buffalo, NY region, were you disappointed with the Sabres falling short, or did they overachieve this year? What did you like and dislike about their team?
A: First off, let me just point out that it's less than 24 hours since my other guys were eliminated, but I'm not bitter. Well, not a lot. Now, onto the disappointment: A little disappointed, I thought they had a really good chance to win it all this year, but you'll recall (from personal correspondence) that I had the Sabres as a Final Four team at the beginning of the season (with Ottawa as the other from the East, so there you go). This flew in the face of ALL the alleged experts (like Ted Whatisisname from USA Today online, for example, who must have dug out all his predictions from 2003 and just re-submitted them). Anyone who was surprised by Buffalo this season (and then continually went out of their way to reiterate that "'no one' saw them coming" throughout the season) just wasn't paying attention to the Rochester Americans (AHL) in 2004-2005, and certainly couldn't have been checking out hockeybuzz.com earlier in the season. This team was custom-built from the beginning of the lockout for this kind of CBA, and anything less than the Conference finals would have been a shortfall. And I will maintain til my last breath, that if 60% (that's right, all but FOUR) of their defense hadn't been injured, the Sabres coulda/shoulda/woulda been starting on Monday (instead of Bret Freakin Head-i-case)...
Q: As a fellow Blues fan, here's what really sticks in my craw about these finals: Carolina features ex-Blues Rod Brind'amour, Doug Weight, Cory Stillman and Bret Hedican; Edmonton is led by the consensus best player in the NHL Chris Pronger (who the Blues traded for what, a six-pack of Moosehead Beer?). What is it about the Blues that they can't keep quality players, and what would be an appropriate punishment for Mark Sauer and Larry Pleau-must-geau?
A: You forgot Rolofson and MacTavish. You owe me a round (or something). I don't know that we should get too upset about Stillman or Hedican -- it wasn't like they set the world on fire when they were here. I look at those guys like Andy Van Slyke -- they were NEVER going to excel with the home team, but you can see how a change of scenery would do/did them good.
I tend to blame Weight and Pronger on Bill Laurie. Which is why I'll never spend another dollar at Wal Mart. Ever.
And Rod The Bod? Jeez, it's been such a long time...it's kinda like seeing your ex-girlfriend from highschool starring in a Cinemax softcore Friday night special, isn't it? Yeah, everyone can see she might've been hot at one time (tho the years haven't been exactly kind), and, yeah, everyone knows she "got away from you," and yeah, she's "famous," but...you know, it's Cinemax (or Raleigh-Durham, in this case).
As for Pleaumustgeau and Sauer...that's simple. They have to sit and watch DVR of every minute of every game from the 2005-2006 season...(so you can see: Sadistic, yes, bitter, no.)
Q: What do you think about new Blues owner Dave Checketts, and what is your outlook for the Note next season?
A: Haven't seen anything from Checketts yet, so it's wait and see. But if the spies are telling the truth, we're gonna like what he has in store (John Davidson, anyone? HE knows something about goalie!) (insert your favorite Chris Osgood joke here)....
Friday, June 02, 2006
Why we must have a Miami vs. Dallas final...
Because the prospect of watching Dirk Nowitzki going up against Shaq is just too good to pass up. Of course, even though both teams are just one win away from the NBA Finals, the prospect of dual game sevens is distressing for a few reasons.
In the East, Miami needs to close out Detroit at home in game six. I don't like their chances if they have to go back to Detroit for a decisive game seven. In the same vein, even though a West game seven would be back in Dallas if Phoenix wins game six at home, the Suns have shown that they can steal a road game anywhere, and they've already won game sevens in their two previous series.
The possible Miami-Dallas matchup is intriguing because of the quality of their star players and their ability to play at both ends of the court. With Phoenix-Detroit, what you would get is fast-break offense against shut-down defense, which spells abject boredom (blowouts or low-scoring snoozers) for the casual NBA Finals fan such as myself.
For casual fans, it's all about the star power. Phoenix has Steve Nash, who is Canadian, which means he has about as much charisma as Bob and/or Doug MacKenzie (take off, eh! no, you take off, you hoser!). Who else plays for Phoenix? Yeah, that's my point. Detroit has a great starting five if you appreciate team defense, but they don't have any star power at all. Come on, does any kid in America really have a Rasheed Wallace poster on their wall? I don't think so.
With Dallas, you have Nowitzki, who looks like Lurch's little brother and sounds like Schwarzenegger's little brother, an absolute freak of nature--a seven-foot white guy who moves quickly and gracefully and can play in the paint, grab rebounds, make free throws and hit the three. He's one of the most exciting players to watch since Jordan was with the Bulls or when Kobe still had Shaq.
Speaking of Shaq, he and Dwyane Wade are one of the best current tandems in the league. Add in all the other "NBA Greatest Hits" talent--Gary Payton, Alonzo Mourning, Antoine Walker--as well as Machiavelli-in-Armani coach Pat Riley, and Miami's easily the most interesting team in the league.
Finally, you want Dallas in because the prospect of watching David Stern handing the championship trophy to Mavs owner Mark Cuban is just to delicious to let slip away. Here's hoping Dallas and Miami both take care of business this weekend and give us an NBA Finals that's actually worth watching.
In the East, Miami needs to close out Detroit at home in game six. I don't like their chances if they have to go back to Detroit for a decisive game seven. In the same vein, even though a West game seven would be back in Dallas if Phoenix wins game six at home, the Suns have shown that they can steal a road game anywhere, and they've already won game sevens in their two previous series.
The possible Miami-Dallas matchup is intriguing because of the quality of their star players and their ability to play at both ends of the court. With Phoenix-Detroit, what you would get is fast-break offense against shut-down defense, which spells abject boredom (blowouts or low-scoring snoozers) for the casual NBA Finals fan such as myself.
For casual fans, it's all about the star power. Phoenix has Steve Nash, who is Canadian, which means he has about as much charisma as Bob and/or Doug MacKenzie (take off, eh! no, you take off, you hoser!). Who else plays for Phoenix? Yeah, that's my point. Detroit has a great starting five if you appreciate team defense, but they don't have any star power at all. Come on, does any kid in America really have a Rasheed Wallace poster on their wall? I don't think so.
With Dallas, you have Nowitzki, who looks like Lurch's little brother and sounds like Schwarzenegger's little brother, an absolute freak of nature--a seven-foot white guy who moves quickly and gracefully and can play in the paint, grab rebounds, make free throws and hit the three. He's one of the most exciting players to watch since Jordan was with the Bulls or when Kobe still had Shaq.
Speaking of Shaq, he and Dwyane Wade are one of the best current tandems in the league. Add in all the other "NBA Greatest Hits" talent--Gary Payton, Alonzo Mourning, Antoine Walker--as well as Machiavelli-in-Armani coach Pat Riley, and Miami's easily the most interesting team in the league.
Finally, you want Dallas in because the prospect of watching David Stern handing the championship trophy to Mavs owner Mark Cuban is just to delicious to let slip away. Here's hoping Dallas and Miami both take care of business this weekend and give us an NBA Finals that's actually worth watching.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
NBA's Final Four Promises Intriguing Series
Let's get this straight right from the top—I'm not an NBA fan, and I never have been, really. I've lived my entire life in Missouri where the closest professional team is at least two tanks of gasoline away and where the sports seasons are baseball, football and hockey. What I have been, however, is a curious fan of the NBA's star players. I was first enamored by Julius "Dr. J" Erving back in the 1970s and '80s, so I followed the 76ers back then.
After that, I became a Charles Barkley fan because a) he played for Dr. J's old team; b) so many people seemed to dislike him. That always appealed to the nonconformist in me. When Barkley went to the Phoenix Suns, I rooted for Phoenix, especially in the finals when they lost to Michael Jordan's Bulls. Can you believe it—I was cheering against MJ? Of course, after that, I did what all casual NBA fans did; I became a de facto Bulls fan.
I never watch NBA games during the season, and I only tune in sporadically to the playoff games, but once it gets to this point, I tune in more often and for more of the game. These conference finals matchups give us a lot to look forward to, and I'm hoping for a truly memorable final (and one that doesn't include the most boring team ever: the Detroit Pistons).
In the West, we've got Phoenix vs. Dallas. I like Dallas for two reasons—Dirk Nowitski (geeky-looking German guy! Can we get him to do a cover of "Rock Me Amadeus"? Can someone convince him to walk off the court after a win and say "Hasta la vista, baby"?) and Mark Cuban (one of the few rich guys I actually like because he made a billion dollars as an Internet geek and now spends said billions exactly the way you or I would—he buys a professional sports team, does whatever he can to win, and hangs out behind the bench in jeans and a T-shirt. You just know it would about give David Stern a stroke to hand the championship trophy to Cuban. Stern would probably fine him afterward out of force of habit.)
In the East, it's a rematch of last year, Detroit vs. Miami, except this time, Detroit looks very vulnerable, the Heat have Pat Riley behind the bench, and Shaquille O'Neal is in the twilight of his career, so he knows this may be his last chance for a ring. Add in Dwayne Wade vs. the Pistons defense and you have what promises to be a cross between a basketball game and the 1980s classic movie "The Warriors."
I don't think these are perfect matches. It would have been been even better if we had the Clippers instead of Phoenix in the West (perennial doormat makes good after three decades of incompetence and futility) and Cleveland instead of Detroit (LeBron James, the next star for casual non-team-loyal fans like me), but in any case, with the Blues long gone from the hockey scene, at least I'm interested enough to watch some basketball here in the late spring.
After that, I became a Charles Barkley fan because a) he played for Dr. J's old team; b) so many people seemed to dislike him. That always appealed to the nonconformist in me. When Barkley went to the Phoenix Suns, I rooted for Phoenix, especially in the finals when they lost to Michael Jordan's Bulls. Can you believe it—I was cheering against MJ? Of course, after that, I did what all casual NBA fans did; I became a de facto Bulls fan.
I never watch NBA games during the season, and I only tune in sporadically to the playoff games, but once it gets to this point, I tune in more often and for more of the game. These conference finals matchups give us a lot to look forward to, and I'm hoping for a truly memorable final (and one that doesn't include the most boring team ever: the Detroit Pistons).
In the West, we've got Phoenix vs. Dallas. I like Dallas for two reasons—Dirk Nowitski (geeky-looking German guy! Can we get him to do a cover of "Rock Me Amadeus"? Can someone convince him to walk off the court after a win and say "Hasta la vista, baby"?) and Mark Cuban (one of the few rich guys I actually like because he made a billion dollars as an Internet geek and now spends said billions exactly the way you or I would—he buys a professional sports team, does whatever he can to win, and hangs out behind the bench in jeans and a T-shirt. You just know it would about give David Stern a stroke to hand the championship trophy to Cuban. Stern would probably fine him afterward out of force of habit.)
In the East, it's a rematch of last year, Detroit vs. Miami, except this time, Detroit looks very vulnerable, the Heat have Pat Riley behind the bench, and Shaquille O'Neal is in the twilight of his career, so he knows this may be his last chance for a ring. Add in Dwayne Wade vs. the Pistons defense and you have what promises to be a cross between a basketball game and the 1980s classic movie "The Warriors."
I don't think these are perfect matches. It would have been been even better if we had the Clippers instead of Phoenix in the West (perennial doormat makes good after three decades of incompetence and futility) and Cleveland instead of Detroit (LeBron James, the next star for casual non-team-loyal fans like me), but in any case, with the Blues long gone from the hockey scene, at least I'm interested enough to watch some basketball here in the late spring.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
2006 NFL Draft Diary
Welcome back, Sandlot fans. Sorry I've been gone for so long, but until someone starts paying me to do this, I have to reserve these posts for my free time, and I haven't had any for the past couple of months.
Today I'll be keeping a running real-time diary of each first-round pick from this year's NFL Draft. Obviously, I'll be most interested in who the St. Louis Rams and Minnesota Vikings pick. Will either of them get one of the big three quarterbacks? Will the Rams continue to build defense? Will the Vikings shore up their offensive line? For NFL fans like me, today is like Christmas morning—some excitement, some anticipation, some joy, a little disappointment, and above all, hope for the future.
Okay, it's 11 a.m. CDT—the Houston Texans are on the clock!
#1 Houston Texans
ESPN has just broken the story that the Texans have already signed DE Mario Williams, which means Reggie Bush will not be the number one pick. This throws a huge monkey wrench into the entire draft, because many other teams may trade with New Orleans to move up to #2 and take Bush, or he might even fall to the Jets at #4. I'm waiting for the official pick now.
Here comes Paul Tagliabue..."With the first selection, the Texans select Mario Williams, defensive end, NC State." This is going to be unpopular with a lot of people, but this is a better pick for the Texans. New head coach Gary Kubiak comes from the Denver system that produces efficient and productive running backs out of low picks, so Bush may have been considered a luxury. Williams is fast and strong and should solidify the Houston pass rush.
Bush's impending problems with NCAA regarding his problems with his family living rent-free in San Diego may also have scared off highly conservative Houston owner Bob McNair. This may turn out to be good for Houston in the long run, but at the same time, Bush may go on to be a Hall of Famer. Remember, Michael Jordan wasn't picked first in the NBA, either.
Next up: New Orleans Saints—will they pick Bush, OT D'Brickashaw Ferguson, or trade out of the pick for someone who wants Bush so much they're willing to pay a higher price? Stay tuned!
#2 New Orleans Saints
The Saints just picked Reggie Bush. Jets fans are freaking out that they didn't trade up with the Saints to be the Heisman Trophy winner. The Saints now have Drew Brees and Reggie Bush in the their backfield. This is the best thing to happen to New Orleans since Hurricane Katrina hit. Bush is going to be a tremendous talent with a huge chip on his shoulder as a result of dropping from the first to the second pick. This guy has incredible speed and athleticism. Woe to those with New Orleans on their schedule next year—Reggie Bush is the next Barry Sanders.
Up next: Tennessee Titans
#3 Tennessee Titans
It's Vince Young. I would have a lot more concerns about Young than Leinert. His Wonderlic scores were beyond sub-par, his arm strength is questionable, and running quarterbacks have had limited success in the NFL. Young may be the next Michael Vick, but how many times has Vick taken the Falcons to the Superbowl? Tennessee has a lot of holes on their team, especially on their offensive line. I don't think he makes that team immediatly better. Now the big question becomes, "Where will Matt Leinart go, and how far down will he fall?" Arizona? St. Louis? Will someone trade up for him?
Up next: New York Jets
#4 New York Jets
The draft is being held at Radio City Music Hall, and its full of noisy, angry Jets fans. They might riot if they don't like the pick. Here it comes...D'Brickashaw Ferguson. He's the best offensive tackle in the draft, and a solid pick for whoever is playing QB in New York. The Rams' road to the Superbowl began with their drafting of Orlando Pace. Ferguson has been compared to Pace among many commentators. Anyone who knows pro football knows that a successful team begins and ends with the offensive line. This was a solid, can't-miss, no-brainer pick.
Up next: Green Bay Packers
#5 Green Bay Packers
No surprise here, the Packers pick Ohio State linebacker A.J. Hawk. I suppose he was the best athlete available, and a talented middle linebacker is certainly the key to most defenses. Their biggest need is still offensive line, but Hawk was the right pick in this spot; they would have overpaid for another OL at this spot. Hawk will be a good fit in the NFC North: tough, quick, vicious. He will improve the Packers defense (too bad!).
Up next: San Francisco 49ers
#6 San Francisco 49ers
Another no surprise—the Niners pick freakishly talented Maryland tight end Vernon Davis. He's a 6' 3" tight end who runs a sub-4.4 40-yard dash. Imagine the size and strength of Tony Gonzalez with a speed that exceeds most team's cornerbacks. He'll be the cornerstone of any potential resurrection of the Niners' offense, and he also presents the three other NFC West teams with huge match-up problems in the defensive secondary.
Up next: Oakland
#7 Oakland Raiders
Oakland chooses Michael Huff, DB, Texas. Oakland has multiple needs on both sides of the ball, but there is certainly nothing to argue with about this pick.
Up next: Buffalo
#8 Buffalo Bills
Donte Whitner, safety, Ohio State. The Bills will continue to suck, regardless of picks.
Up next: Detroit
#9 Detroit Lions
Ernie Sims, OLS, Florida State. Matt Millen finally used a pick for the defensive side of the ball. Sims has a lot of upside and will improve the Detroit defense. I think the Lions are counting on Mike Martz to improve the offensive with what they have, so expect them to focus on the defensive side of the ball to compete with the other tough defenses in the NFC North. The big question now becomes whether Arizona will pick Matt Leinart, and here comes the pick right now...
#10 Arizona Cardinals
Matt Leinart is the heir apparent to former MVP and Superbowl champion Kurt Warner. I can't think of anyone better to tutor Leinart how to be an effective NFL quarterback. Leinart can learn under Warner without the pressure of having to start right away. Whether he has to come in as a result of a Warner injury (he is 35 years old) or in a year or two after Warner retires, he'll have an impressive tool of offensive weapons, including Edgerrin James, Larry Fitgerald and Anquan Bolden. In a couple of years, we may look back at this as the steal of the entire draft. Remember that Ben Roethisberger fell down to 15th in the draft, and that turned out all right for him.
Up next: St. Louis
#11 Denver Broncos, traded from St. Louis Rams
The Rams move down to #15 and Denver picks Jay Cutler, QB from Vanderbilt. This is a big surprise to me, although it should be no surprise that Mike Shanahan doesn't have a huge amount of confidence in Jake Plummer. If Plummer has another good season or two, then Cutler, like Leinart, has a few years to learn the system before getting thrown into the mix. Cutler may be the next long-term solution at QB in Denver. He's no John Elway, but he might have the Mile High job well into the next decade.
Up next: Cleveland
#12 Baltimore Ravens, traded from Cleveland Browns
The selection is Haloti Ngata, 335-pound DT from Oregon. This fulfills MLB Ray Lewis' desire for a huge presence on the D-line that will free Lewis to create havoc in the backfield and on the outside. Ngata is huge but fast for his size. He should thrive in the Baltimore defensive scheme, and there is no one better to teach a rookie defensive intensity than Ray Lewis.
Up next (again): Cleveland
#13 Cleveland Browns
Okay, let's try this again...The Browns take Kamerion Wimbley, DE from Florida State. Another defensive player that they hope will be a professional sack specialist. Romeo Crennel is loading up his defensive staff on the line and at the LB spot, so Wimbley should be a good fit with the host of ex-Patriots imported during free agency. I know Crennel wants to rebuild the defense, but they are going to need offensive weapons as well at some point.
Up next: Philadelphia
#14 Philadelphia Eagles
Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida State. Good pick. The key to winning in the NFC East is stopping the run and pressuring the QB, and Bunkley will be able to do both. The Eagles had a bad season, but Andy Reid is not the kind of coach to panic; he'll bring the Eagles back to prominance before too long. This pick is a good start.
Up next: St. Louis (from Denver)
#15 St. Louis Rams (traded down from #11 with Denver)
Rams stick with trying to rebuild their putrid defense with Tye Hill, CB from Clemson. Their competitors in the NFC West are all capable of moving the ball downfield through the air, so a potential shutdown cornerback was a big need. Hill is not tall, but he's very fast and covers the ball well. New defensive coordinator Jim Haslett certainly had some input on this pick, so if he's the guy, I'm okay with the pick. The results on the field, as always, will tell the tale.
Up next: Miami
#16 Miami Dolphins
Jason Allen, DB from Tennessee. Huh? I guess Nick Saban wants to continue to stress defense, and Allen is a 6-foot-tall D-back, but I don't know why they would pick him here; he's not the best athlete available and he doesn't serve an immediate need for Miami. I think it's too high a pick for this guy.
Up next: Minnesota
#17: Minnesota Vikings
Okay, let's all hold our breath...the Vikings take Chad Greenway, LB from Iowa. Excellent. That works similarly to Hawk to Green Bay. He solidifies the linebacker corps in Minnesota and keeps them competitive with the rest of the NFC North defenses. I think the Vikings draft room was thrilled that Greenway was still available this far down.
Up next: Dallas
#18: Dallas Cowboys
The defensive parade continues with Bobby Carpenter, OLB, Ohio State. Linebacker is always a need for most teams, and Baltimore and New England have shown year after how important that position is. Hard to argue with Bill Parcells; I still think Dallas is the favorite this year in the NFC East.
Up next: San Diego
#19 San Diego Chargers
Antonio Cromartie, DB, Florida State. It's a bit of a stretch considering he missed all of last season with a knee injury, but he's big, fast and athletic, so it may be worth the risk; he would have been gone much sooner than 19 had he played a full season. A calculated risk.
Up next: Kansas City
[had to step out of the house for a while, so I'm going to get caught up now. In real time, the Giants just made the 32nd choice]
#20 Kansas City Chiefs
Tamba Hall, DE, Penn State. There were better defensive ends available at this pick; they could have traded down and done better than this.
#21 New England Patriots
Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota. I heard last week from a Sandlot reader that Maroney may be the most athletic player in the draft. He'll thrive under Belicheck's system working with Tom Brady as the heir apparent to Corey Dillon. Can't argue with anyone Belicheck picks.
(okay, I'm only going to comment on a couple more picks of interest to me...)
#25 Pittsburgh Steelers (from trade with NY Giants)
Great trade to pick up Santonio Holmes, WR from Ohio State to replace the loss of Antoine Randel-El to free agency. This is why the Steelers are the model NFL organization.
#30 Indianapolis Colts
Joseph Addai, RB, LSU. They had to replace Edgerrin James, and Addai is probably the running back best suited athletically to fit into the Colts high-octane spread offense. He can also block some, which is crucial in protecting Peyton Manning from the 3-4 blitz schemes he's almost sure to see more of next year.
For tomorrow: I'll comment on the all of today's rounds selections by St. Louis, Minnesota, Kansas City and Indianapolis. Thanks for joining me today.
Today I'll be keeping a running real-time diary of each first-round pick from this year's NFL Draft. Obviously, I'll be most interested in who the St. Louis Rams and Minnesota Vikings pick. Will either of them get one of the big three quarterbacks? Will the Rams continue to build defense? Will the Vikings shore up their offensive line? For NFL fans like me, today is like Christmas morning—some excitement, some anticipation, some joy, a little disappointment, and above all, hope for the future.
Okay, it's 11 a.m. CDT—the Houston Texans are on the clock!
#1 Houston Texans
ESPN has just broken the story that the Texans have already signed DE Mario Williams, which means Reggie Bush will not be the number one pick. This throws a huge monkey wrench into the entire draft, because many other teams may trade with New Orleans to move up to #2 and take Bush, or he might even fall to the Jets at #4. I'm waiting for the official pick now.
Here comes Paul Tagliabue..."With the first selection, the Texans select Mario Williams, defensive end, NC State." This is going to be unpopular with a lot of people, but this is a better pick for the Texans. New head coach Gary Kubiak comes from the Denver system that produces efficient and productive running backs out of low picks, so Bush may have been considered a luxury. Williams is fast and strong and should solidify the Houston pass rush.
Bush's impending problems with NCAA regarding his problems with his family living rent-free in San Diego may also have scared off highly conservative Houston owner Bob McNair. This may turn out to be good for Houston in the long run, but at the same time, Bush may go on to be a Hall of Famer. Remember, Michael Jordan wasn't picked first in the NBA, either.
Next up: New Orleans Saints—will they pick Bush, OT D'Brickashaw Ferguson, or trade out of the pick for someone who wants Bush so much they're willing to pay a higher price? Stay tuned!
#2 New Orleans Saints
The Saints just picked Reggie Bush. Jets fans are freaking out that they didn't trade up with the Saints to be the Heisman Trophy winner. The Saints now have Drew Brees and Reggie Bush in the their backfield. This is the best thing to happen to New Orleans since Hurricane Katrina hit. Bush is going to be a tremendous talent with a huge chip on his shoulder as a result of dropping from the first to the second pick. This guy has incredible speed and athleticism. Woe to those with New Orleans on their schedule next year—Reggie Bush is the next Barry Sanders.
Up next: Tennessee Titans
#3 Tennessee Titans
It's Vince Young. I would have a lot more concerns about Young than Leinert. His Wonderlic scores were beyond sub-par, his arm strength is questionable, and running quarterbacks have had limited success in the NFL. Young may be the next Michael Vick, but how many times has Vick taken the Falcons to the Superbowl? Tennessee has a lot of holes on their team, especially on their offensive line. I don't think he makes that team immediatly better. Now the big question becomes, "Where will Matt Leinart go, and how far down will he fall?" Arizona? St. Louis? Will someone trade up for him?
Up next: New York Jets
#4 New York Jets
The draft is being held at Radio City Music Hall, and its full of noisy, angry Jets fans. They might riot if they don't like the pick. Here it comes...D'Brickashaw Ferguson. He's the best offensive tackle in the draft, and a solid pick for whoever is playing QB in New York. The Rams' road to the Superbowl began with their drafting of Orlando Pace. Ferguson has been compared to Pace among many commentators. Anyone who knows pro football knows that a successful team begins and ends with the offensive line. This was a solid, can't-miss, no-brainer pick.
Up next: Green Bay Packers
#5 Green Bay Packers
No surprise here, the Packers pick Ohio State linebacker A.J. Hawk. I suppose he was the best athlete available, and a talented middle linebacker is certainly the key to most defenses. Their biggest need is still offensive line, but Hawk was the right pick in this spot; they would have overpaid for another OL at this spot. Hawk will be a good fit in the NFC North: tough, quick, vicious. He will improve the Packers defense (too bad!).
Up next: San Francisco 49ers
#6 San Francisco 49ers
Another no surprise—the Niners pick freakishly talented Maryland tight end Vernon Davis. He's a 6' 3" tight end who runs a sub-4.4 40-yard dash. Imagine the size and strength of Tony Gonzalez with a speed that exceeds most team's cornerbacks. He'll be the cornerstone of any potential resurrection of the Niners' offense, and he also presents the three other NFC West teams with huge match-up problems in the defensive secondary.
Up next: Oakland
#7 Oakland Raiders
Oakland chooses Michael Huff, DB, Texas. Oakland has multiple needs on both sides of the ball, but there is certainly nothing to argue with about this pick.
Up next: Buffalo
#8 Buffalo Bills
Donte Whitner, safety, Ohio State. The Bills will continue to suck, regardless of picks.
Up next: Detroit
#9 Detroit Lions
Ernie Sims, OLS, Florida State. Matt Millen finally used a pick for the defensive side of the ball. Sims has a lot of upside and will improve the Detroit defense. I think the Lions are counting on Mike Martz to improve the offensive with what they have, so expect them to focus on the defensive side of the ball to compete with the other tough defenses in the NFC North. The big question now becomes whether Arizona will pick Matt Leinart, and here comes the pick right now...
#10 Arizona Cardinals
Matt Leinart is the heir apparent to former MVP and Superbowl champion Kurt Warner. I can't think of anyone better to tutor Leinart how to be an effective NFL quarterback. Leinart can learn under Warner without the pressure of having to start right away. Whether he has to come in as a result of a Warner injury (he is 35 years old) or in a year or two after Warner retires, he'll have an impressive tool of offensive weapons, including Edgerrin James, Larry Fitgerald and Anquan Bolden. In a couple of years, we may look back at this as the steal of the entire draft. Remember that Ben Roethisberger fell down to 15th in the draft, and that turned out all right for him.
Up next: St. Louis
#11 Denver Broncos, traded from St. Louis Rams
The Rams move down to #15 and Denver picks Jay Cutler, QB from Vanderbilt. This is a big surprise to me, although it should be no surprise that Mike Shanahan doesn't have a huge amount of confidence in Jake Plummer. If Plummer has another good season or two, then Cutler, like Leinart, has a few years to learn the system before getting thrown into the mix. Cutler may be the next long-term solution at QB in Denver. He's no John Elway, but he might have the Mile High job well into the next decade.
Up next: Cleveland
#12 Baltimore Ravens, traded from Cleveland Browns
The selection is Haloti Ngata, 335-pound DT from Oregon. This fulfills MLB Ray Lewis' desire for a huge presence on the D-line that will free Lewis to create havoc in the backfield and on the outside. Ngata is huge but fast for his size. He should thrive in the Baltimore defensive scheme, and there is no one better to teach a rookie defensive intensity than Ray Lewis.
Up next (again): Cleveland
#13 Cleveland Browns
Okay, let's try this again...The Browns take Kamerion Wimbley, DE from Florida State. Another defensive player that they hope will be a professional sack specialist. Romeo Crennel is loading up his defensive staff on the line and at the LB spot, so Wimbley should be a good fit with the host of ex-Patriots imported during free agency. I know Crennel wants to rebuild the defense, but they are going to need offensive weapons as well at some point.
Up next: Philadelphia
#14 Philadelphia Eagles
Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida State. Good pick. The key to winning in the NFC East is stopping the run and pressuring the QB, and Bunkley will be able to do both. The Eagles had a bad season, but Andy Reid is not the kind of coach to panic; he'll bring the Eagles back to prominance before too long. This pick is a good start.
Up next: St. Louis (from Denver)
#15 St. Louis Rams (traded down from #11 with Denver)
Rams stick with trying to rebuild their putrid defense with Tye Hill, CB from Clemson. Their competitors in the NFC West are all capable of moving the ball downfield through the air, so a potential shutdown cornerback was a big need. Hill is not tall, but he's very fast and covers the ball well. New defensive coordinator Jim Haslett certainly had some input on this pick, so if he's the guy, I'm okay with the pick. The results on the field, as always, will tell the tale.
Up next: Miami
#16 Miami Dolphins
Jason Allen, DB from Tennessee. Huh? I guess Nick Saban wants to continue to stress defense, and Allen is a 6-foot-tall D-back, but I don't know why they would pick him here; he's not the best athlete available and he doesn't serve an immediate need for Miami. I think it's too high a pick for this guy.
Up next: Minnesota
#17: Minnesota Vikings
Okay, let's all hold our breath...the Vikings take Chad Greenway, LB from Iowa. Excellent. That works similarly to Hawk to Green Bay. He solidifies the linebacker corps in Minnesota and keeps them competitive with the rest of the NFC North defenses. I think the Vikings draft room was thrilled that Greenway was still available this far down.
Up next: Dallas
#18: Dallas Cowboys
The defensive parade continues with Bobby Carpenter, OLB, Ohio State. Linebacker is always a need for most teams, and Baltimore and New England have shown year after how important that position is. Hard to argue with Bill Parcells; I still think Dallas is the favorite this year in the NFC East.
Up next: San Diego
#19 San Diego Chargers
Antonio Cromartie, DB, Florida State. It's a bit of a stretch considering he missed all of last season with a knee injury, but he's big, fast and athletic, so it may be worth the risk; he would have been gone much sooner than 19 had he played a full season. A calculated risk.
Up next: Kansas City
[had to step out of the house for a while, so I'm going to get caught up now. In real time, the Giants just made the 32nd choice]
#20 Kansas City Chiefs
Tamba Hall, DE, Penn State. There were better defensive ends available at this pick; they could have traded down and done better than this.
#21 New England Patriots
Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota. I heard last week from a Sandlot reader that Maroney may be the most athletic player in the draft. He'll thrive under Belicheck's system working with Tom Brady as the heir apparent to Corey Dillon. Can't argue with anyone Belicheck picks.
(okay, I'm only going to comment on a couple more picks of interest to me...)
#25 Pittsburgh Steelers (from trade with NY Giants)
Great trade to pick up Santonio Holmes, WR from Ohio State to replace the loss of Antoine Randel-El to free agency. This is why the Steelers are the model NFL organization.
#30 Indianapolis Colts
Joseph Addai, RB, LSU. They had to replace Edgerrin James, and Addai is probably the running back best suited athletically to fit into the Colts high-octane spread offense. He can also block some, which is crucial in protecting Peyton Manning from the 3-4 blitz schemes he's almost sure to see more of next year.
For tomorrow: I'll comment on the all of today's rounds selections by St. Louis, Minnesota, Kansas City and Indianapolis. Thanks for joining me today.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Let's Dance!
Okay, Sandlot fans, I'm finally back from extended labor in graphic design hell. In case you're wondering, I've been consumed with the complete redesign of our college catalog—all 128 pages of it. That little project ate up all my office time, so I've been bringing all my class work home, which means The Sandlot has been on extended hiatus...until now.
It's NCAA Tourney Time, baby!
I've created a group in ESPN.com's free "Tournament Challenge" game. You can enter up to five different brackets. Here are the easy steps to get started:
1) Go to www.espn.com and click on the "ESPN Tournament Challenge" icon near the top of the screen.
2) If you haven't already signed up for a free ESPN account, you'll have to do that; otherwise, sign in at the top of the screen.
3) Create and name your tournament entry. Don't join any "Default Groups" at this time.
4) Make your tournament selections.
5) After your picks have been submitted, click on the link that says "Create or Join a Group." Type in "Sandman's Sandlot" in the search box, click "Search," click on the "Sandman's Sandlot" name, then click on "Join This Group." You should see your entry name in the league list.
6) Sit back and wait to proclaim yourself "Master of Tournament Picks"—NOT!
7) Talk lots of smack.
Good luck!
It's NCAA Tourney Time, baby!
I've created a group in ESPN.com's free "Tournament Challenge" game. You can enter up to five different brackets. Here are the easy steps to get started:
1) Go to www.espn.com and click on the "ESPN Tournament Challenge" icon near the top of the screen.
2) If you haven't already signed up for a free ESPN account, you'll have to do that; otherwise, sign in at the top of the screen.
3) Create and name your tournament entry. Don't join any "Default Groups" at this time.
4) Make your tournament selections.
5) After your picks have been submitted, click on the link that says "Create or Join a Group." Type in "Sandman's Sandlot" in the search box, click "Search," click on the "Sandman's Sandlot" name, then click on "Join This Group." You should see your entry name in the league list.
6) Sit back and wait to proclaim yourself "Master of Tournament Picks"—NOT!
7) Talk lots of smack.
Good luck!
Friday, February 10, 2006
A Bedtime Tiger Tale
Once upon a time there was a king named Norman. Norman was beloved by his subjects in the Kingdom of Columbia despite the fact that he was never as victorious as other kings. His people loved him, however, because he often defeated the foul birds of Lawrence and the invaders from east of the Great Archway.
Norman was growing old, however, and decided that he would rather spend his golden days privately enjoying a quieter life free of the burden of ruling. He turned his kingdom over to a handsome young prince who had grown wise in the shadow of the Great Duke. The prince had golden locks of curly hair that made the young maidens swoon as he walked into the Court of the Kingdom.
The prince pledged to his subjects that he would honor the tradition of King Norman, but his feats would be greater. His goal was to enter the realm of the Four Great Kingdoms and challenge the greatest of kings for supreme victory.
At first, the prince showed great promise. His men won great victories, and at one point, he even challenged his former master, the Great Duke, and almost defeated him, but alas, it was only "almost," and "almost" was all that the prince could accomplish.
As his men began to lose not only to the great kings but the lesser fiefdoms who should have been swatted away like flies, the prince heard the grumbling of his subjects. Desperate, he hired a mercenary from the West with a dark past. The Lords who governed the rules of the court decreed that the prince had to forfeit a portion of his treasure as retribution for his transgression. The mercenary turned on the prince and his knights, and the kingdom began to crumble.
The prince found that the most promising young squires in his kingdom were leaving the land to serve in the courts of other kings. The land under the Great Archway was closed to his searches for potential new knights, and only the lesser squires chose to serve the prince.
The prince experienced a humiliating defeat to the Eastern power, but successfully defeated the birds of Lawrence. The kingdom hoped that perhaps the prince would fulfill his promise. Alas, the end had already come. His knights refused to serve him any further on the court, and the subjects of the kingdom demanded his exile.
Despite his determination to keep fighting, the prince knew that his fate had already been sealed, and rather than face the executioner's axe, he chose to leave the kingdom. He left in sadness because the promise that he once showed had been so greatly dimished, yet he left determined to seek success in another kingdom, one in which he might perhaps remember the lessons that the Great Duke had taught him.
Meanwhile, in the Kingdom of Columbia, the subjects long for the golden days when King Norman was on the throne and wonder who the next prince might be. The kingdom is in a sad state of affairs, and it will take a ruler of strong will and mighty vision to restore the roar of the Tigers.
Norman was growing old, however, and decided that he would rather spend his golden days privately enjoying a quieter life free of the burden of ruling. He turned his kingdom over to a handsome young prince who had grown wise in the shadow of the Great Duke. The prince had golden locks of curly hair that made the young maidens swoon as he walked into the Court of the Kingdom.
The prince pledged to his subjects that he would honor the tradition of King Norman, but his feats would be greater. His goal was to enter the realm of the Four Great Kingdoms and challenge the greatest of kings for supreme victory.
At first, the prince showed great promise. His men won great victories, and at one point, he even challenged his former master, the Great Duke, and almost defeated him, but alas, it was only "almost," and "almost" was all that the prince could accomplish.
As his men began to lose not only to the great kings but the lesser fiefdoms who should have been swatted away like flies, the prince heard the grumbling of his subjects. Desperate, he hired a mercenary from the West with a dark past. The Lords who governed the rules of the court decreed that the prince had to forfeit a portion of his treasure as retribution for his transgression. The mercenary turned on the prince and his knights, and the kingdom began to crumble.
The prince found that the most promising young squires in his kingdom were leaving the land to serve in the courts of other kings. The land under the Great Archway was closed to his searches for potential new knights, and only the lesser squires chose to serve the prince.
The prince experienced a humiliating defeat to the Eastern power, but successfully defeated the birds of Lawrence. The kingdom hoped that perhaps the prince would fulfill his promise. Alas, the end had already come. His knights refused to serve him any further on the court, and the subjects of the kingdom demanded his exile.
Despite his determination to keep fighting, the prince knew that his fate had already been sealed, and rather than face the executioner's axe, he chose to leave the kingdom. He left in sadness because the promise that he once showed had been so greatly dimished, yet he left determined to seek success in another kingdom, one in which he might perhaps remember the lessons that the Great Duke had taught him.
Meanwhile, in the Kingdom of Columbia, the subjects long for the golden days when King Norman was on the throne and wonder who the next prince might be. The kingdom is in a sad state of affairs, and it will take a ruler of strong will and mighty vision to restore the roar of the Tigers.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
FORD means "Found On Road Dead"
Owners of professional sports often ingratiate themselves into the fabric of their team's identity, most notably George Steinbrenner in MLB and Mark Cuban in the NBA. But probably no sport is as reflective of their owner's personality than the NFL. The Oakland Raiders are Al Davis. The Washington Redskins have been up and down because of the extravagant spending and impatience of Daniel Snyder. The Pittsburgh Steelers' stability is a reflection of their owner, Dan Rooney. Even the Rams still feel the influence of the increasingly reclusive Georgia Frontiere.
The Minnesota Vikings stank for the period of the Mike Tice regime because former owner Red McCombs was a stupid nouveau-riche redneck Texan used car salesman who was trying to sell the team. Once he sold the Vikes to New Jersey real estate magnate Zygi Wilf, the team began to reflect his personality, culminating in the hiring of squeaky-clean drill sergeant Brad Childress to eliminate the police-blotter hijinks that have characterized the past few seasons in Minnesota. Class begets class; rednecks beget brain-dead coaches and players.
Which leads us to the Ford family in Detroit; yes, those Fords, those of the Edsel and the Pinto, just to name two. This is a family that supposedly knows something about running a business, but that philosophy includes competing with the Walton family for title of "cheapest billionaires on the planet." Ford just announced massive nationwide employee layoffs the week before the Superbowl festivities in Detroit at (you guessed it) Ford Field. How's that for brilliant PR?
But what indicates the absolute height of cheap football stupidity is the apparently collapsed deal to bring former Rams head coach Mike Martz to the Lions as their new offensive coordinator. Long-time readers know that I'm no Martz apologist; I've been calling for the Rams to sack him for a couple of years now, and I think it was, in fact, the right thing to do.
But the fact remains that Martz is perhaps the most brilliant offensive mind in the NFL, and Detroit's offense stinks in spite of the considerable weapons they possess. It's like having a hanger full of F-18s but no pilots to man them. But Joey Harrington's a bust, you say? Martz specializes in building NFL quarterbacks. He took three unknowns named Trent Green, Kurt Warner and Marc Bulger and made them into Pro Bowl caliber players. He could easily do the same with Harrington in his corps of talented receivers. New Lions head coach Rod Marinelli reportedly hit it off big-time with Martz and wants him as part of his staff, and Martz wants to come to Detroit and prove to everyone that he still has what it takes to succeed as an offensive mind.
So what's the problem? The Fords are too cheap to pay him. They want a Mustang, but they're only willing to pay for an Escort. How typical. Why are the Lions consistently one of the worst teams in the NFL? In this league, if you want to know why a team is good or bad, all you have to do is look up into the owner's box.
And if that doesn't convince you, I only have two words for you: Bill Bidwell.
The Minnesota Vikings stank for the period of the Mike Tice regime because former owner Red McCombs was a stupid nouveau-riche redneck Texan used car salesman who was trying to sell the team. Once he sold the Vikes to New Jersey real estate magnate Zygi Wilf, the team began to reflect his personality, culminating in the hiring of squeaky-clean drill sergeant Brad Childress to eliminate the police-blotter hijinks that have characterized the past few seasons in Minnesota. Class begets class; rednecks beget brain-dead coaches and players.
Which leads us to the Ford family in Detroit; yes, those Fords, those of the Edsel and the Pinto, just to name two. This is a family that supposedly knows something about running a business, but that philosophy includes competing with the Walton family for title of "cheapest billionaires on the planet." Ford just announced massive nationwide employee layoffs the week before the Superbowl festivities in Detroit at (you guessed it) Ford Field. How's that for brilliant PR?
But what indicates the absolute height of cheap football stupidity is the apparently collapsed deal to bring former Rams head coach Mike Martz to the Lions as their new offensive coordinator. Long-time readers know that I'm no Martz apologist; I've been calling for the Rams to sack him for a couple of years now, and I think it was, in fact, the right thing to do.
But the fact remains that Martz is perhaps the most brilliant offensive mind in the NFL, and Detroit's offense stinks in spite of the considerable weapons they possess. It's like having a hanger full of F-18s but no pilots to man them. But Joey Harrington's a bust, you say? Martz specializes in building NFL quarterbacks. He took three unknowns named Trent Green, Kurt Warner and Marc Bulger and made them into Pro Bowl caliber players. He could easily do the same with Harrington in his corps of talented receivers. New Lions head coach Rod Marinelli reportedly hit it off big-time with Martz and wants him as part of his staff, and Martz wants to come to Detroit and prove to everyone that he still has what it takes to succeed as an offensive mind.
So what's the problem? The Fords are too cheap to pay him. They want a Mustang, but they're only willing to pay for an Escort. How typical. Why are the Lions consistently one of the worst teams in the NFL? In this league, if you want to know why a team is good or bad, all you have to do is look up into the owner's box.
And if that doesn't convince you, I only have two words for you: Bill Bidwell.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
My Pre-Season Superbowl Picks
I'm not picking a winner for tomorrow's game, but since I'm not above getting a good laugh at my own expense, here's what I had to say about this year's Superbowl participants in my NFL preseason predictions:
Pittsburgh Steelers—With both running backs hurt and Ben Roethisberger poised to experience a sophomore slump, I can’t expect the Steelers to repeat another title run. (And now, Tuck will attempt to light my hair on fire...)
I picked the Ravens to win the AFC North, with the Bengals third. Doh!!!
Seattle Seahawks—The so-called experts like Seattle to win the division again this year. My question is why? They should have the helmet logo in the dictionary under "inconsistent."
I had the Rams picked to win the West. I am such a homer it's almost sickening.
Then there were my playoff picks...
NFC Division Winners:
Philadelphia
Atlanta
Minnesota
St. Louis
(all wrong!)
Wild Cards:
Carolina (correct)
Dallas (doh!)
AFC Playoff teams:
New England
Indianapolis
Baltimore
San Diego
(right on two)
Wild cards:
New York Jets (what?)
Houston (uh, I had just taken some cough medicine...)
Oh well, if you can't be right, at least be funny! I'm going to root for the Steelers, but I think it's just plain bad karma for them if I officially pick them to win, don't you?
Pittsburgh Steelers—With both running backs hurt and Ben Roethisberger poised to experience a sophomore slump, I can’t expect the Steelers to repeat another title run. (And now, Tuck will attempt to light my hair on fire...)
I picked the Ravens to win the AFC North, with the Bengals third. Doh!!!
Seattle Seahawks—The so-called experts like Seattle to win the division again this year. My question is why? They should have the helmet logo in the dictionary under "inconsistent."
I had the Rams picked to win the West. I am such a homer it's almost sickening.
Then there were my playoff picks...
NFC Division Winners:
Philadelphia
Atlanta
Minnesota
St. Louis
(all wrong!)
Wild Cards:
Carolina (correct)
Dallas (doh!)
AFC Playoff teams:
New England
Indianapolis
Baltimore
San Diego
(right on two)
Wild cards:
New York Jets (what?)
Houston (uh, I had just taken some cough medicine...)
Oh well, if you can't be right, at least be funny! I'm going to root for the Steelers, but I think it's just plain bad karma for them if I officially pick them to win, don't you?
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Okay, already, here's my conference champ picks...
AFC
Denver: Got lucky last week with favorable officiating and uncharacteristic Patriot mistakes and turnovers. Jake Plummer couldn't move their offense unless he was starting on the N.E. 30-yard line, and their defense didn't stop Tom Brady from moving the ball at will on them. If it wasn't for the turnovers, the Steelers would be in Foxboro this week instead of Mile High.
Pittsburgh: Beat Manning last week like they owned him, so who thinks they won't do more of the same against Plummer? Looks like Cowher's figured out what made Belichick so successful: NFL teams need to peak in January, not November.
Pick: Steelers 31, Broncos 27
NFC
Seattle: Won small against overmatched Washington team. League MVP coughs up ball on first series, then gets knocked out. I still don't believe in Matt Hasselback, and I'm really not all that impressed with what Seattle brings to the table.
Carolina: See comments above about peaking in January. Is anyone really playing any better than these guys? Note to other NFL coaches: the talent is all pretty much equal from team to team; it's all about game planning your own strengths and weaknesses against your opponents' strengths and weaknesses. The Colts lost last week because Dungy didn't game plan his team's weakness—their vulnerability to a 3-4 pressure defense—to Pittsburgh's strength, namely, the aforementioned 3-4 pressure defense. John Fox has game planned masterfully against both Tom Coughlin and Lovie Smith, and I think he's gonna clean Mike Holmgren's clock tomorrow night.
Pick: Carolina 38, Seattle 17
Denver: Got lucky last week with favorable officiating and uncharacteristic Patriot mistakes and turnovers. Jake Plummer couldn't move their offense unless he was starting on the N.E. 30-yard line, and their defense didn't stop Tom Brady from moving the ball at will on them. If it wasn't for the turnovers, the Steelers would be in Foxboro this week instead of Mile High.
Pittsburgh: Beat Manning last week like they owned him, so who thinks they won't do more of the same against Plummer? Looks like Cowher's figured out what made Belichick so successful: NFL teams need to peak in January, not November.
Pick: Steelers 31, Broncos 27
NFC
Seattle: Won small against overmatched Washington team. League MVP coughs up ball on first series, then gets knocked out. I still don't believe in Matt Hasselback, and I'm really not all that impressed with what Seattle brings to the table.
Carolina: See comments above about peaking in January. Is anyone really playing any better than these guys? Note to other NFL coaches: the talent is all pretty much equal from team to team; it's all about game planning your own strengths and weaknesses against your opponents' strengths and weaknesses. The Colts lost last week because Dungy didn't game plan his team's weakness—their vulnerability to a 3-4 pressure defense—to Pittsburgh's strength, namely, the aforementioned 3-4 pressure defense. John Fox has game planned masterfully against both Tom Coughlin and Lovie Smith, and I think he's gonna clean Mike Holmgren's clock tomorrow night.
Pick: Carolina 38, Seattle 17
Monday, January 16, 2006
Playoff Reflections for Future Implications (part one)
LOSERS
Washington Redskins
Great defense means that they are in a good position to make another playoff run next year, and Dan Snyder made one of the best moves of his ownership tenure (yeah, that's not saying much) by locking up DC Gregg Williams for three years (and probably to succeed Joe Gibbs). But they're not winning anything until they ratchet up their offensive firepower. Their challenge during the draft and free agency is to augment their running game, give their passing game more weapons and possibly upgrading their QB spot. Mark Brunell has played well this year, but he's almost as old as I am, and my 30s are rapidly evaporating. With an offensive upgrade, I would put Washington at the top of the NFC East next season.
New England Patriots
Well, why should I offer them any advice at all? Everyone knows they'll be back in the thick of things, and to be perfectly honest, if they didn't turn the ball over five times—almost unthinkable from this team, especially in the playoffs—then they're hosting the AFC title game in Foxboro instead of watching it on CBS with the rest of us. I don't really know how to explain it other than no other team has ever won three Superbowls in a row, so there you go.
Indianapolis Colts
I've got to switch to bullet points for this just to keep it all straight...
• Tony Dungy, please say hello to Tony LaRussa, Bobby Cox, Marty Schottenheimer, Daryl Sutter, Dusty Baker, Don Nelson and Art Howe. Welcome to the "Great regular season coaches with minimal postseason success who consistently tighten up and choke in the big game when it really counts." Here's your jacket, there's the buffet, we'll be happy to validate your parking.
• Peyton Manning: When you said your role model was Dan Marino, did you really mean Hall of Fame regular season statistics combined with an entire career of playoff futility and zero championships? Because that's who you are. I like you and I want you to win, but you are so not money, baby. You're not clutch. You are a choker. That's who you are. Don't be too discouraged—so was John Elway until they found him Terrell Davis. But you will never win a championship when it's upon your shoulders, because that is not who you are. When the pressure is at its highest, you are always at your worst. Sorry, but that's who you are.
• All teams must take note of this: You cannot stop playing for any amount of time in the NFL. You can't bench your starters and "rest" them. This causes rust, not rest. The Colts were unstoppable until they thought the games "didn't count." They would have crushed San Diego if that game had meant clinching home field, but since it didn't, they let up and let their season slip away. It was over way back then. In the NFL, you have to play every single game as if the entire season depends on it. Look at Pittsburgh and Carolina. Every one of their games for the past two months have been real must-wins, and they are tough, salty, mean, hungry and battle tested. They are also going to play each other in the Superbowl. Teams that have rested for a month, like Indy and Chicago, are also sitting next to me on the couch in the basement. End of lesson.
• To the Indy OC: You might want to figure out a way to stop the 3-4 pressure blitz defense, since every team you face next season is going to try to beat you this way. They will try it because it has worked for New England, San Diego and Pittsburgh. Until you can beat this defense effectively, you will continue to lose in the playoffs.
• A final word to Tony Dungy: God bless you, sir; I don't think I could have even gotten myself out of bed if I had gone through the personal tragedy that you have. No one should be too hard on Tony with this loss, but I sure wish his players had played better for him.
Chicago Bears
For God's sake, man, get an offensive coordinator with a little more imagination. Rex Grossman could actually be a decent QB with a little coaching (hello, Mike Martz?) and a game plan more creative than a) run up middle; b) run up middle; c) incomplete short pass; d) punt. Your defensive secondary also got exposed yesterday. You have to play better coverage than that when you can't get pressure on the QB. It might not kill you to blitz a little more, too, especially when your front line is getting handled. Don't take it too hard, though. It was a great, unexpected season that you can learn and grow from, and Carolina's going to win the NFC title this year, and you weren't going to be able to stop that; neither is Seattle.
Next time: Comments for divisional winners
Washington Redskins
Great defense means that they are in a good position to make another playoff run next year, and Dan Snyder made one of the best moves of his ownership tenure (yeah, that's not saying much) by locking up DC Gregg Williams for three years (and probably to succeed Joe Gibbs). But they're not winning anything until they ratchet up their offensive firepower. Their challenge during the draft and free agency is to augment their running game, give their passing game more weapons and possibly upgrading their QB spot. Mark Brunell has played well this year, but he's almost as old as I am, and my 30s are rapidly evaporating. With an offensive upgrade, I would put Washington at the top of the NFC East next season.
New England Patriots
Well, why should I offer them any advice at all? Everyone knows they'll be back in the thick of things, and to be perfectly honest, if they didn't turn the ball over five times—almost unthinkable from this team, especially in the playoffs—then they're hosting the AFC title game in Foxboro instead of watching it on CBS with the rest of us. I don't really know how to explain it other than no other team has ever won three Superbowls in a row, so there you go.
Indianapolis Colts
I've got to switch to bullet points for this just to keep it all straight...
• Tony Dungy, please say hello to Tony LaRussa, Bobby Cox, Marty Schottenheimer, Daryl Sutter, Dusty Baker, Don Nelson and Art Howe. Welcome to the "Great regular season coaches with minimal postseason success who consistently tighten up and choke in the big game when it really counts." Here's your jacket, there's the buffet, we'll be happy to validate your parking.
• Peyton Manning: When you said your role model was Dan Marino, did you really mean Hall of Fame regular season statistics combined with an entire career of playoff futility and zero championships? Because that's who you are. I like you and I want you to win, but you are so not money, baby. You're not clutch. You are a choker. That's who you are. Don't be too discouraged—so was John Elway until they found him Terrell Davis. But you will never win a championship when it's upon your shoulders, because that is not who you are. When the pressure is at its highest, you are always at your worst. Sorry, but that's who you are.
• All teams must take note of this: You cannot stop playing for any amount of time in the NFL. You can't bench your starters and "rest" them. This causes rust, not rest. The Colts were unstoppable until they thought the games "didn't count." They would have crushed San Diego if that game had meant clinching home field, but since it didn't, they let up and let their season slip away. It was over way back then. In the NFL, you have to play every single game as if the entire season depends on it. Look at Pittsburgh and Carolina. Every one of their games for the past two months have been real must-wins, and they are tough, salty, mean, hungry and battle tested. They are also going to play each other in the Superbowl. Teams that have rested for a month, like Indy and Chicago, are also sitting next to me on the couch in the basement. End of lesson.
• To the Indy OC: You might want to figure out a way to stop the 3-4 pressure blitz defense, since every team you face next season is going to try to beat you this way. They will try it because it has worked for New England, San Diego and Pittsburgh. Until you can beat this defense effectively, you will continue to lose in the playoffs.
• A final word to Tony Dungy: God bless you, sir; I don't think I could have even gotten myself out of bed if I had gone through the personal tragedy that you have. No one should be too hard on Tony with this loss, but I sure wish his players had played better for him.
Chicago Bears
For God's sake, man, get an offensive coordinator with a little more imagination. Rex Grossman could actually be a decent QB with a little coaching (hello, Mike Martz?) and a game plan more creative than a) run up middle; b) run up middle; c) incomplete short pass; d) punt. Your defensive secondary also got exposed yesterday. You have to play better coverage than that when you can't get pressure on the QB. It might not kill you to blitz a little more, too, especially when your front line is getting handled. Don't take it too hard, though. It was a great, unexpected season that you can learn and grow from, and Carolina's going to win the NFC title this year, and you weren't going to be able to stop that; neither is Seattle.
Next time: Comments for divisional winners
Saturday, January 14, 2006
At Last, the Long National Nightmare is Over
Denver 27, New England 13.
Ding, dong, the witch is dead!
Van Helsing has driven a wooden stake through the heart of Count Dracula.
The werewolf has been shot with a silver bullet.
Freddy Krueger has been cast out of our dreams; Jason Vorhees no longer stalks the summer camp; Michael Myers isn’t coming home again.
Sarah Connor has terminated the Terminator.
Tom Brady is mortal; Bill Belichick is human; the New England Patriots are out of the playoffs.
Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we are free at last.
Ding, dong, the witch is dead!
Van Helsing has driven a wooden stake through the heart of Count Dracula.
The werewolf has been shot with a silver bullet.
Freddy Krueger has been cast out of our dreams; Jason Vorhees no longer stalks the summer camp; Michael Myers isn’t coming home again.
Sarah Connor has terminated the Terminator.
Tom Brady is mortal; Bill Belichick is human; the New England Patriots are out of the playoffs.
Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we are free at last.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Sand Capsules
Youth Movement in Minnesota
Newly hired head coach Brad Childress didn't waste any time cleaning house on the Vikings coaching staff. His first order of business was sacking what was left of Mike Tice's staff. Second was hiring some young coordinators with limited experience but lots of apparent potential. First was Mike Tomlin, the secondary coach for Tampa, who will take over the defense by installing Tony Dungy's Cover-2 scheme. There's no denying the success of the system. The challenge will be in finding players with the right mix of speed and aggressiveness to make the system work. Tomlin will turn 34 later this year, making him the youngest coordinator in the NFL. Taking the role of offensive coordinator is former Packers QB coach Darrell Bevell, who is 36. Bevell was the Wisconsin Rose Bowl QB in 1994 when Childress was on staff with the Badgers, and he's been given the task of revitalizing the Vikings' formerly explosive offense. I like the atmosphere of youth and energy that Childress is creating at Winter Park. It's been clear since his first day on the job that no knuckleheads need apply any more at this organization. So far, so good, but now you have to go out and win games. Keep up the good work!
Low Prices Everyday (except in St. Louis)
Wal-Mart billionaire by virtue of marriage, Bill "Dude, my wife is a Wal-Mart heiress!" Laurie continues to fail miserably at hockey ownership, salesmanship and instilling ethical values in his children (yeah, it's a cheap shot, but I'm talking about hockey, right?). Once again, a prospective deal to sell the bloated and festering corpse of the Franchise Formerly Known as the St. Louis Blues has fallen through. In the meantime, the shell of a once-proud hockey team continues to get shelled by every team in the league. I expect for top-echelon teams to start bringing up minor-leaguers en masse to play St. Louis just to give the kids a taste of winning in the NHL, because the B-Lose couldn't beat a team from the Saskatchewan Bare-Knuckle Bar League right now. In the meantime, Bill "Did I mention my wife is just obscenely wealthy?" Laurie acts like the world's worst used car salesman. He's got what used to be a really nice car, workmanlike in some ways, but with some nice luxury features—GPS, CD/DVD, big V-8 engine. The only problem is that he's stripped off all the nice options and replaced them with leftovers from a 1979 Chevy Nova. The engine's cracked, the tires are bald and the body's covered with rust. And Bill "No, she's the Walton heiress" Laurie continues to ask for the original sticker price as if this junked out wreck just rolled off the assembly line, then complains when the buyer balks at the sticker price. I'll bet you anything that Sam Walton's last words were, "Don't let that dumbass who married my niece Nancy anywhere near the company." Too bad he ever got hold of the Blues.
Sutter finally gets his due
Two pieces of good baseball news: First, the Baseball Retards, I mean Writers of America finally elected dominating reliever Bruce Sutter to the Hall of Fame, and second, Sutter announced yesterday that he would go into the hall as a St. Louis Cardinal. Yeah, I know he won the Cy Young in Chicago, but he threw the final winning pitch from the mound at Busch Stadium to Darrell Porter in 1982, striking out Gorman Thomas to win the World Series. Whenever I think about Sutter, I think about Porter grabbing that third strike out of the air and racing to the mound to embrace Sutter. Bruce was the original modern closer, the guy who, when he came into the game, you'd just turn off the radio or the TV because the game was over. He was the final missing piece to Whitey Herzog's championship puzzle, and his entry to the Hall of Fame was long overdue. Sandlot contributor Tuck (go see his hockey blog, wouldya?) should have the good fortune to witness his entry in person later this year. (You lucky duck!)
The latest from the NBA...
Nah, I'm just messing with you. I couldn't care less about the NBA.
Bode Miller
So, people are upset and confused because a skier admitted that he has skied "wasted" before? Didn't any of these people see "Hot Dog: The Movie" back in the 1980s? I just assumed these people were always wasted.
Tomorrow: Your long-awaited NFL Divisional Playoff column
Newly hired head coach Brad Childress didn't waste any time cleaning house on the Vikings coaching staff. His first order of business was sacking what was left of Mike Tice's staff. Second was hiring some young coordinators with limited experience but lots of apparent potential. First was Mike Tomlin, the secondary coach for Tampa, who will take over the defense by installing Tony Dungy's Cover-2 scheme. There's no denying the success of the system. The challenge will be in finding players with the right mix of speed and aggressiveness to make the system work. Tomlin will turn 34 later this year, making him the youngest coordinator in the NFL. Taking the role of offensive coordinator is former Packers QB coach Darrell Bevell, who is 36. Bevell was the Wisconsin Rose Bowl QB in 1994 when Childress was on staff with the Badgers, and he's been given the task of revitalizing the Vikings' formerly explosive offense. I like the atmosphere of youth and energy that Childress is creating at Winter Park. It's been clear since his first day on the job that no knuckleheads need apply any more at this organization. So far, so good, but now you have to go out and win games. Keep up the good work!
Low Prices Everyday (except in St. Louis)
Wal-Mart billionaire by virtue of marriage, Bill "Dude, my wife is a Wal-Mart heiress!" Laurie continues to fail miserably at hockey ownership, salesmanship and instilling ethical values in his children (yeah, it's a cheap shot, but I'm talking about hockey, right?). Once again, a prospective deal to sell the bloated and festering corpse of the Franchise Formerly Known as the St. Louis Blues has fallen through. In the meantime, the shell of a once-proud hockey team continues to get shelled by every team in the league. I expect for top-echelon teams to start bringing up minor-leaguers en masse to play St. Louis just to give the kids a taste of winning in the NHL, because the B-Lose couldn't beat a team from the Saskatchewan Bare-Knuckle Bar League right now. In the meantime, Bill "Did I mention my wife is just obscenely wealthy?" Laurie acts like the world's worst used car salesman. He's got what used to be a really nice car, workmanlike in some ways, but with some nice luxury features—GPS, CD/DVD, big V-8 engine. The only problem is that he's stripped off all the nice options and replaced them with leftovers from a 1979 Chevy Nova. The engine's cracked, the tires are bald and the body's covered with rust. And Bill "No, she's the Walton heiress" Laurie continues to ask for the original sticker price as if this junked out wreck just rolled off the assembly line, then complains when the buyer balks at the sticker price. I'll bet you anything that Sam Walton's last words were, "Don't let that dumbass who married my niece Nancy anywhere near the company." Too bad he ever got hold of the Blues.
Sutter finally gets his due
Two pieces of good baseball news: First, the Baseball Retards, I mean Writers of America finally elected dominating reliever Bruce Sutter to the Hall of Fame, and second, Sutter announced yesterday that he would go into the hall as a St. Louis Cardinal. Yeah, I know he won the Cy Young in Chicago, but he threw the final winning pitch from the mound at Busch Stadium to Darrell Porter in 1982, striking out Gorman Thomas to win the World Series. Whenever I think about Sutter, I think about Porter grabbing that third strike out of the air and racing to the mound to embrace Sutter. Bruce was the original modern closer, the guy who, when he came into the game, you'd just turn off the radio or the TV because the game was over. He was the final missing piece to Whitey Herzog's championship puzzle, and his entry to the Hall of Fame was long overdue. Sandlot contributor Tuck (go see his hockey blog, wouldya?) should have the good fortune to witness his entry in person later this year. (You lucky duck!)
The latest from the NBA...
Nah, I'm just messing with you. I couldn't care less about the NBA.
Bode Miller
So, people are upset and confused because a skier admitted that he has skied "wasted" before? Didn't any of these people see "Hot Dog: The Movie" back in the 1980s? I just assumed these people were always wasted.
Tomorrow: Your long-awaited NFL Divisional Playoff column
Monday, January 09, 2006
Wild-Card Weekend Winners and Losers
Now that the NFL's Wild Card round is over, the divisional matchups for next weekend look quite interesting. I'll be breaking down the games individually throughout the week, but for today, I want to take a quick look at why the teams won and lost this past weekends' games.
Washington 17, Tampa Bay 10
Why Washington Won: Defense. It's not hard to understand why Washington gave defensive coordinator Gregg Williams a three-year contract extension to keep him out of this offseason's game of "Who Wants to be an NFL Head Coach?" The Redskins' D shut down Tampa's running game and forced inexperienced QB Chris Simms into making key mistakes.
Why Tampa Lost: Turnovers. When young QBs try to force the game, they often throw crushing interceptions, and Simms was no exception. I don't blame him for losing the whole game, because asking him to win it at this point was a little much, and he gave it his all, but experience counts for a lot in the playoffs.
New England 28, Jacksonville 3
Why New England won: Perfection. This team does not make mental or physical mistakes in the playoffs. You have to play a perfect game to beat them. The Patriots don't do anything that fancy on either side of the ball, but they do all the basic things extremely well, and they know what it takes to win. They are going to be very difficult to beat this year once again.
Why Jacksonville lost: Overrated. There's a reason why this team was a wild card, and why they lost twice to Indianapolis; they've got a talented defense and a promising young QB, but they are too inconsistent to be considered contenders yet at this level.
Carolina 23, New York Giants 0
Why Carolina Won: Defense. Just a crushing, dominating defensive scheme. The Giants couldn't run the ball at all Sunday, which put the game into Eli Manning's trembling hands. Game over.
Why New York Lost: Eli Manning. Four interceptions and one fumble. That says it all. You can't turn the ball over in the playoffs and expect to win the game. Eli looked like the rookie (in essence) that he is.
Pittsburgh 31, Cincinnati 17
Why Pittsburgh Won: Experience. Bill Cowher's been coaching the same team for 14 years for a good reason. When they were down 10-0 early and 17-7 before the half, no one in black and gold panicked. They continued to mix the power running game with timely, well-placed passes from Ben R., and their defense covered the Bengals' receivers so well that Jon Kitna was forced to run around like Fran Tarkenton in his career-ending game against Cleveland (the one where they finally broke his leg). Indy better find their mojo, and quick, 'cause the Steelers are coming to play.
Why Cincinnati Lost: Carson Palmer's knee. The Bengals had so much momentum going early, losing Palmer took a lot of the life out of the team. I'm not saying they would have won if he hadn't been injured, but it gave Pittsburgh both a physical and psychological advantage. Their own playoff inexperience also hurt; once the Steelers overtook them for the lead, they didn't know how to respond because they hadn't been here before. Experience counts for a lot in the NFL playoffs. We'll see that experience even more clearly this weekend.
Washington 17, Tampa Bay 10
Why Washington Won: Defense. It's not hard to understand why Washington gave defensive coordinator Gregg Williams a three-year contract extension to keep him out of this offseason's game of "Who Wants to be an NFL Head Coach?" The Redskins' D shut down Tampa's running game and forced inexperienced QB Chris Simms into making key mistakes.
Why Tampa Lost: Turnovers. When young QBs try to force the game, they often throw crushing interceptions, and Simms was no exception. I don't blame him for losing the whole game, because asking him to win it at this point was a little much, and he gave it his all, but experience counts for a lot in the playoffs.
New England 28, Jacksonville 3
Why New England won: Perfection. This team does not make mental or physical mistakes in the playoffs. You have to play a perfect game to beat them. The Patriots don't do anything that fancy on either side of the ball, but they do all the basic things extremely well, and they know what it takes to win. They are going to be very difficult to beat this year once again.
Why Jacksonville lost: Overrated. There's a reason why this team was a wild card, and why they lost twice to Indianapolis; they've got a talented defense and a promising young QB, but they are too inconsistent to be considered contenders yet at this level.
Carolina 23, New York Giants 0
Why Carolina Won: Defense. Just a crushing, dominating defensive scheme. The Giants couldn't run the ball at all Sunday, which put the game into Eli Manning's trembling hands. Game over.
Why New York Lost: Eli Manning. Four interceptions and one fumble. That says it all. You can't turn the ball over in the playoffs and expect to win the game. Eli looked like the rookie (in essence) that he is.
Pittsburgh 31, Cincinnati 17
Why Pittsburgh Won: Experience. Bill Cowher's been coaching the same team for 14 years for a good reason. When they were down 10-0 early and 17-7 before the half, no one in black and gold panicked. They continued to mix the power running game with timely, well-placed passes from Ben R., and their defense covered the Bengals' receivers so well that Jon Kitna was forced to run around like Fran Tarkenton in his career-ending game against Cleveland (the one where they finally broke his leg). Indy better find their mojo, and quick, 'cause the Steelers are coming to play.
Why Cincinnati Lost: Carson Palmer's knee. The Bengals had so much momentum going early, losing Palmer took a lot of the life out of the team. I'm not saying they would have won if he hadn't been injured, but it gave Pittsburgh both a physical and psychological advantage. Their own playoff inexperience also hurt; once the Steelers overtook them for the lead, they didn't know how to respond because they hadn't been here before. Experience counts for a lot in the NFL playoffs. We'll see that experience even more clearly this weekend.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Hey Brad, You Look Good in Purple
Now those of you who know me know that I’m always going to drink the purple Kool-Aid; it’s just part of being a Vikings fan. So you gotta know that I like their newest hire for head coach, former Philadelphia Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress.
I think Zygi Wilf hired him for one main reason, and that’s character. Zygi was determined to clean up the Vikings’ “dirty” image throughout the country, and it’s clear that Childress was the best candidate to do that, and I get the sense that he will. One thing that’s been lacking in Minnesota for years has been discipline, and I get the sense from Childress that he will not tolerate the extracurricular sex, drugs and Whizzinators that have landed the Vikings on the police reports and punchlines for ESPN personalities.
He’s also a meticulous, detail-oriented obsessive type, perfect for a head coach in the NFL. He’s also been part of a winning organization. The Eagles have been, up to this year, the premier NFC franchise, and Childress is a big reason for their success. He’s coached Donovan McNabb to big-time success, and he should have similar success with Daunte Culpepper. I don’t believe for a second that Childress or Wilf have any intention of trading Daunte, shredded knee or not.
So how will Childress do? Who knows? I want to see who the Vikes name their GM, then they’ve got to pull off the draft without looking like idiots for the fourth straight year. Hiring Childress early gives him time to build a quality supporting staff of assistant coaches. My main point is that I trust Zygi Wilf when he says he wants to build a first-class organization in terms of both championships and personal character, so if Childress is his guy, then pass me another glass of Kool-Aid, please.
Saturday’s Wild Card games
Washington at Tampa Bay
I like Washington in this. Brunell’s got playoff experience, Gibbs is a proven playoff winner, and Clinton Portis has been unstoppable running through defenses. The Washington defense should also play hard as a way of showing their appreciation for their D-coord Gregg Williams signing a three-year contract extension that keeps him out of St. Louis or another head coach suitor. I don’t like Chris Simms in a pressure situation, even if he is playing at home. I’m picking Washington by about six points.
Jacksonville at New England
I want the Jaguars to win this one more than anything, but we’re talking about #$%@&*! New England at home in the playoffs, so now we have to endure another week of hearing about Brady, Belicheck, Bruschi, Vinatieri, et. al., ad infinitum. I hope Denver beats them by three touchdowns next week.
I think Zygi Wilf hired him for one main reason, and that’s character. Zygi was determined to clean up the Vikings’ “dirty” image throughout the country, and it’s clear that Childress was the best candidate to do that, and I get the sense that he will. One thing that’s been lacking in Minnesota for years has been discipline, and I get the sense from Childress that he will not tolerate the extracurricular sex, drugs and Whizzinators that have landed the Vikings on the police reports and punchlines for ESPN personalities.
He’s also a meticulous, detail-oriented obsessive type, perfect for a head coach in the NFL. He’s also been part of a winning organization. The Eagles have been, up to this year, the premier NFC franchise, and Childress is a big reason for their success. He’s coached Donovan McNabb to big-time success, and he should have similar success with Daunte Culpepper. I don’t believe for a second that Childress or Wilf have any intention of trading Daunte, shredded knee or not.
So how will Childress do? Who knows? I want to see who the Vikes name their GM, then they’ve got to pull off the draft without looking like idiots for the fourth straight year. Hiring Childress early gives him time to build a quality supporting staff of assistant coaches. My main point is that I trust Zygi Wilf when he says he wants to build a first-class organization in terms of both championships and personal character, so if Childress is his guy, then pass me another glass of Kool-Aid, please.
Saturday’s Wild Card games
Washington at Tampa Bay
I like Washington in this. Brunell’s got playoff experience, Gibbs is a proven playoff winner, and Clinton Portis has been unstoppable running through defenses. The Washington defense should also play hard as a way of showing their appreciation for their D-coord Gregg Williams signing a three-year contract extension that keeps him out of St. Louis or another head coach suitor. I don’t like Chris Simms in a pressure situation, even if he is playing at home. I’m picking Washington by about six points.
Jacksonville at New England
I want the Jaguars to win this one more than anything, but we’re talking about #$%@&*! New England at home in the playoffs, so now we have to endure another week of hearing about Brady, Belicheck, Bruschi, Vinatieri, et. al., ad infinitum. I hope Denver beats them by three touchdowns next week.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
I See Dead Coaches
Well, my Christmas wish came late this year, but Mike Tice and Mike Martz were finally fired from the Minnesota Vikings and St. Louis Rams, respectively. In different situations, each of them could have found success, I think, but the nature of their positions sealed their individual fates, regardless of the circumstances of this season.
Tice was saddled with players brought in under Red "Dumb Texas Redneck" McCombs' regime of cheapness. Red ran the Vikings the same way you would a used car dealership (what a coincidence, right?) by purchasing cheap junk and dressing it up like something the public might consider buying, all the while lining his pockets with cash. That's why the team is so full of low-quality individuals, Brad Johnson notwithstanding. In a way, Tice was a bargain-basement coach, too, almost an afterthought after Denny Green was shown the exit. Tice did the best he could with the talent pool he had—no defense for the previous two years—and actually redeemed himself by helping the Vikings at least look respectable toward the end of the season.
The NFL, however, is the antithesis of the Bush Administration: those who oversee incompetence and malfeasance are held responsible and kicked to the sidewalk when all is said and done, because sports today is like politics used to be—the buck stops at the top. I don't blame Zygi Wilf for what he did, even if the ESPN talking heads are clucking their tongues about the rapid timing.
I expect that Tice will catch on somewhere as an assistant coach; possibly an offensive coordinator, but I think he would serve himself and another team better doing what he knows best, and that's coaching the offensive line. Most of the O-lines in the NFC were cover-your-eyes gawd-awful this season (especially in St. Louis, where the starting QB's number is a bullseye instead of a numeral), so he could make a real difference in improving a team's offensive fortunes. Houston needs an improved line to block for Reggie Bush, too.
Martz is another story completely. I was calling for his head last year after another season of underachieving, poor defense and Hall of Shame caliber special teams play. But this season, there was at least the potential for a turnaround. But once again, he refused to run a balanced offensive attack, then Bulger got hurt (again), then Martz went on the shelf with a heart ailment. During his illness, we all found out that the Rams front office looked more like an off-Broadway revival of Julius Caesar. All the backroom infighting is going to make this job less attractive to a strong personality. I'd like to see Rams president John Shaw fire VP Jay Zygmunt and GM Charley Armey as well and start fresh with a whole new crew, but I doubt that's going to happen.
Where will Martz land? I've heard Oakland mentioned, and Martz is certainly an NFL outlaw, but he's also remarkably undisciplined as a head coach, and Oakland is a mess in dire need of strong direction. Martz would be more ideally suited to once again follow in the footsteps of Dick Vermeil and take over in Kansas City. He knows the system, the personnel, and much of the coaching staff. It makes perfect sense, which is why it won't happen. He's also been rumored to be a candidate in Minnesota, and to say I would have mixed feelings about that is a gross understatement. I think Martz will get another head coaching job (and like Tice, Houston might be a good fit for him—young QB, talented receivers, best running back draft prospect in the past 20 years about to come on board), but if I was Martz's agent, I would call Lovie Smith and ask him if Chicago would like to hire him as offensive coordinator. I don't think that's going to happen, but that's just my opinion, and it's free of charge.
Who are the teams going to go with? I've heard Jim Fassel or possibly the Giants current defensive coordinator in Minnesota, which makes sense because Zygi's a Jersey guy with strong ties to the Giants. I think a defensive minded coach is the right way to go, for obvious reasons, but he also needs to be a coach with strong moral character to help improve the Vikings' PR image. For the Rams, there's only one guy I want—and it's no surprise to Sandlot readers—and that's Jeff Fisher from the Titans. I guess there has been some speculation as to whether the Titans are going to keep him after a poor 4-12 season, but even if they do, maybe he'd be willing to listen to an offer from the Rams. After that, I think Lovie Smith's defensive coordinator Ron Rivera might be the best man for the job. Whoever gets the job in either city has a lot of work ahead of him, but there's also a lot of potential there. After all, this is the NFL, where teams are always just 4-5 players away from going from worst to first.
Tice was saddled with players brought in under Red "Dumb Texas Redneck" McCombs' regime of cheapness. Red ran the Vikings the same way you would a used car dealership (what a coincidence, right?) by purchasing cheap junk and dressing it up like something the public might consider buying, all the while lining his pockets with cash. That's why the team is so full of low-quality individuals, Brad Johnson notwithstanding. In a way, Tice was a bargain-basement coach, too, almost an afterthought after Denny Green was shown the exit. Tice did the best he could with the talent pool he had—no defense for the previous two years—and actually redeemed himself by helping the Vikings at least look respectable toward the end of the season.
The NFL, however, is the antithesis of the Bush Administration: those who oversee incompetence and malfeasance are held responsible and kicked to the sidewalk when all is said and done, because sports today is like politics used to be—the buck stops at the top. I don't blame Zygi Wilf for what he did, even if the ESPN talking heads are clucking their tongues about the rapid timing.
I expect that Tice will catch on somewhere as an assistant coach; possibly an offensive coordinator, but I think he would serve himself and another team better doing what he knows best, and that's coaching the offensive line. Most of the O-lines in the NFC were cover-your-eyes gawd-awful this season (especially in St. Louis, where the starting QB's number is a bullseye instead of a numeral), so he could make a real difference in improving a team's offensive fortunes. Houston needs an improved line to block for Reggie Bush, too.
Martz is another story completely. I was calling for his head last year after another season of underachieving, poor defense and Hall of Shame caliber special teams play. But this season, there was at least the potential for a turnaround. But once again, he refused to run a balanced offensive attack, then Bulger got hurt (again), then Martz went on the shelf with a heart ailment. During his illness, we all found out that the Rams front office looked more like an off-Broadway revival of Julius Caesar. All the backroom infighting is going to make this job less attractive to a strong personality. I'd like to see Rams president John Shaw fire VP Jay Zygmunt and GM Charley Armey as well and start fresh with a whole new crew, but I doubt that's going to happen.
Where will Martz land? I've heard Oakland mentioned, and Martz is certainly an NFL outlaw, but he's also remarkably undisciplined as a head coach, and Oakland is a mess in dire need of strong direction. Martz would be more ideally suited to once again follow in the footsteps of Dick Vermeil and take over in Kansas City. He knows the system, the personnel, and much of the coaching staff. It makes perfect sense, which is why it won't happen. He's also been rumored to be a candidate in Minnesota, and to say I would have mixed feelings about that is a gross understatement. I think Martz will get another head coaching job (and like Tice, Houston might be a good fit for him—young QB, talented receivers, best running back draft prospect in the past 20 years about to come on board), but if I was Martz's agent, I would call Lovie Smith and ask him if Chicago would like to hire him as offensive coordinator. I don't think that's going to happen, but that's just my opinion, and it's free of charge.
Who are the teams going to go with? I've heard Jim Fassel or possibly the Giants current defensive coordinator in Minnesota, which makes sense because Zygi's a Jersey guy with strong ties to the Giants. I think a defensive minded coach is the right way to go, for obvious reasons, but he also needs to be a coach with strong moral character to help improve the Vikings' PR image. For the Rams, there's only one guy I want—and it's no surprise to Sandlot readers—and that's Jeff Fisher from the Titans. I guess there has been some speculation as to whether the Titans are going to keep him after a poor 4-12 season, but even if they do, maybe he'd be willing to listen to an offer from the Rams. After that, I think Lovie Smith's defensive coordinator Ron Rivera might be the best man for the job. Whoever gets the job in either city has a lot of work ahead of him, but there's also a lot of potential there. After all, this is the NFL, where teams are always just 4-5 players away from going from worst to first.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)